AIBU to think it's odd to ask for cash towards honeymoon as a wedding gift?

[Vagabond]

With a registered company who takes the money. I suppose it takes the pressure off but it does feel a bit odd to me. Second marriages - they have all the toasters they need so I guess it makes sense. How much to give?

The thing that makes cash worse than a gift is that it gives people no where to "hide" if they are short of money.

If broke they could go to a supermarket or TKMaxx and buy a gift for a fiver . They might feel embarrassed at donating £5 especially as your name appears next to the donation ,

Sigh. I think it is sad that weddings always come down to thus much judgement and anymosity - I want my friends to be happy so I don't begrudge them telling me what they would like.

But with the nowhere to hide thing, if someone was so utterly vile and wretched to sneer at the 'level' of a cash gift, do you seriously not think they would be awful and wretched enough to scoff at a £5 gift as well?

Exactly captainhastings. You can get bargains in sales etc and not actually spend much and get a great present. If you give £20 that is what you give-and not a present which is generally £40-(or has been recycled.)

Not necessarily toddler because you can get some bargains and then it is unclear how much you spent .

I think it is more about the feelings of the giver than the receiver . I would not give two hoots if someone gave me £5 for my wedding . However the person doing the giving may feel awkward and would rather hunt for a bargain present

What is it that people don't understand about. Wait to be asked what you would like before saying. Anything else is sheer ignorance and rudeness. No matter how it is presented. Popping a note in the invitation, crass cheeky poem. Wait to be asked. If you can't be bothered with people ringing up then I'm glad I don't know you and glad I will never be asked to your wedding and glad I do not have to contribute my hard earned cash to you.

I don't see it a problem as we are now in the 21st century and times have moved on.
Gone are the days when couples did not live together prior to the marriage, therefore required household items (and they most certainly did not have gift lists!).
I would rather give someone money to spend on something they really would like than buying a gift that they would never use only to be kept at the back of a dusty cupboard for 20 years, only to be then taken to a charity shop.

'I would rather give someone money to spend on something they really would like than buying a gift that they would never use only to be kept at the back of a dusty cupboard for 20 years, only to be then taken to a charity shop. '

Because guests are all so stupid, if you don't tell them, they'll all give you toasters and kettles.

We never asked for gifts or cash for our wedding. Felt it was rude and my parents agreed too. However MIL was appalled that we didn't have a gift list, but I didn't relent. I jsut did't want to ask people for stuff, and we weren't even living together at that point. People did give some nice things, a mix of gifts, cash and vouchers which was great and all were appreciated and useful. I'd rather have 3 toasters than have offended and appeared grabby TBH.
I'm going to a friends wedding in a few days time and it will cost me over £300 (have to fly). They have asked for cash for a honeymoon. I'm not offended at all, each to their own and it seems like the done thing to do these days, but I'm struggling on deciding how much to give. Would £50 be OK?

Bangs head against wall!!. No problem with giving money. But the couple should wait to be asked what they would like. Is this not getting through. Obviously not.

Because guests are all so stupid, if you don't tell them, they'll all give you toasters and kettles.

They don't really. Most do give cash or vouchers when not given a gift list. I reckon, even if somebody does buy a gift they will avoid the obvious ones like toasters and kettles. We got a juice maker and a really nice microwave. Microwave was great, but the juice maker has never been used, great idea but not in our small kitchen. It's still in the loft!

Exactly, most do give cash or vouchers. No need for 'requests'.

I am far too lazy to go wedding present shopping. If people want cash, I am more than happy to bung cash in an envelope. Or if they have a gift list then thats fine.

I detest gift shopping.

I saw on a wedding forum that the bride and groom were going on a week long "mini-moon" (wtf?) to Egypt and asking guests for money towards a proper honeymoon later in the year. I would be pissed off at paying money for someone to have two holidays!

Another bride had spent £4000 on the honeymoon, in her own words they "massively blee the budget" and so were going to ask guests to help pay for it.

We had friends recently marry who had both just finished 4yr courses at uni. They went away to the lake district for their honeymoon and we happily gave them some money as an "ice cream fund".

. Mini-moon on their own budget, with the real thing being booked when the entry fee
cash rolls in from their guests! That's the ultimate in barefaced cheek!
That's the problem, really, it's idiots like this who spoil the whole concept for everyone else. People assume everyone is hell bent on taking the piss.

Flogging- the thing that topped it off for me was the "mini" part. As if a week abroad isn't a real holiday!

We really didn't begrudge giving our friends some (could only afford a small amount) money for a honey moon. They had organised a wedding whilst sitting final year medical exams AND organising a house move 300miles down country. I have no idea how they managed.

They also organised it for the only weekend the medical students had free in the 2 weeks between graduation and work. They also did it local to uni so, whilst their families had to travel, their skint friends didn't have to worry about booking a hotel and travelling etc. It really was planned as a final goodbye and was lovely that they had put so much thought into the day .

Your friend's do sounds fine, Spotted . I wouldn't blink at that scenario, but God, some people take it to the max!

Haven't read the replies but...

I would raise an eyebrow if a friend asked for money towards her next holiday for her birthday....

Don't see the difference here.

A friend of mine who - for both of them - had her second marriage, they asked for a donation for a charity dear to their hearts. Now that is style.

We had no problem with donating to a friend's honeymoon last year. I think we gave £30 because the travel and hotel had cost us quite a lot already.

I think it's quite considerate actually. Many people are unhappy about not giving anything at all and this way they're not wasting their money on picture frames, toasters or vouchers they don't want or need.

Choceyes - I went to a wedding two weeks ago which cost me more than £500 to attend, in flights and hotels alone.
I put £30 towards the honeymoon fund and tbh it rankled a bit that I was being asked for cash at all. I know this doesn't sound like a lot for me to have donated, and they did spend double that on my wedding present, so I was made to feel quite mean. However, I simply couldn't afford any more. The trip to their wedding cost more than our whole honeymoon.

Again, this couple were having a "mini moon" in Italy for a week, before a "proper" holiday in the Caribbean next year - paid for by their guests.
When I got married I didn't have a gift list and certainly wouldn't have asked for cash. As a result, our honeymoon was a week's camping in the UK. We had a lovely time. And I'd much rather have done that than slip a cheeky note in with the invitations - or, worse, a cringeworthy poem - "suggesting" that cash for a honeymoon would be what we'd like. As much as people try and convince themselves otherwise, it's rude and grabby.

If you deem something important enough to be included in the invitations, it comes across as a request, not a suggestion. Guests are more than capable of asking couples what they'd like as presents, and couples shouldn't begrudge the "hassle" of explaining to 50-odd different people what they'd like.
As for the argument that if you don't give gift suggestions you'll end up with 28 toasters - what a load of bollocks. People have managed to buy presents for birthdays for years without gift lists - what, are they rendered entirely stupid and thoughtless when it comes to weddings?

I don't know why choosing to get married makes people think they have the right to make their friends and family pay for the holiday of a lifetime that those contributing could - more often than not - never afford themselves.

In these days of people living together before marriage, and already having all the domestic gear that used to be a necessity for the start of a new household in a time when consumer goods were relatively more expensive I find all wedding lists, and other invitiations to contribute incredibly vulgar and grasping.

The whole wedding thing is overdone.

Ooh I've just remembered a wedding my brother went to. Both bride and groom live in the same town in Herts, a lot of their friends and family members do too.

The stag do was a very boozy weekend in Newcastle. The wedding was held in St. Ives on a thursday (presumably because it was cheaper). Taking days off work, hotels, travel etc into account my brother spent over £800. They asked guests for money too instead of gifts.

See, if I couldn't afford all that, or it was too big a stretch or meant my family went without anything, I'd just say no to all those invites, Spotted. Part of the problem is that people go along with all these ridiculous stag and hen weekends and weeks abroad, hundreds of pounds hotels, etc.

'Sorry, have to decline,' is an appropriate response if you can't afford it.

That's true, Expat. Enough replies to the tune of "sorry, that will cost more than our family holiday, which I'm not repaired to sacrifice" would bring them back down to earth a little.