To want to stand in the middle of the shops and scream 'stop fucking staring at him'

[DozyDuck]

I won't. I've just had enough. DS has ASD. He has a regression at 3.5 he lost all his skills. He's now losing skills again at a rapid pace. I'm worried sick.

In McDonald's today after riding lesson he was making his autistic noises and two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids but it hurt. I opted for a hard state but they just laughed more so I ignored them.

Then on the way home I nipped into the corner shop, where all the shop assistants know us, he's usually fine there but now in the midst of another fucking horrible regression he can't seem to handle it there at all. He was shrieking and pulled a tin off the shelf and I was holding his hands in the queue to stop him (we had run out of milk I had no choice but to go) and some older woman was staring at him and shaking her head.

I wanted to shout at her 'what the actual fuck do you want me to do? He doesn't understand words, doesn't feel pain, I'm trying my hardest!'

I opted for standing in the queu and breaking down in tears.

Luckily the shop assistants came over and said I should ignore them not let people like that bother me etc etc.

I feel like i am now at breaking point and I had better not even leave the house because I just want to shout at them all to get on with it and leaVe us alone. Which will only make them think I'm someone who can't even control myself.

Just leave me alone.

Yes I feel your pain.

Why the fuck isn.t there more for us carers in this country.We're supposed to put up andshut up.

Q all the people telling you/me/us that it is natural stare. Yawn.

Staring I can just about deal with. It's the shaking head/ pointing and laughing.

If they lived the life I do they wouldn't be fucking laughing about it. I'm facing losing what little I have of my son again and I can't cope with it.

I know they don't know. I know that. In just finding it so hard to keep calm with them at the moment.

YADDDDDNBU

There have been loads of reports recently about people with disabilities or other visible conditions getting abuse on the streets. The cunts people that stare and laugh should feel utterly ashamed of themselves.

I think the profile of this kind of abuse is rising and charities like scope are trying to step in and raise awareness, so hopefully in the future it won't happen.

I don't know what to say i don't know much about ASD and didn't realise there was regressions.Poor you.It must be very very hard for you.
Do remember though you don't know what is in people's minds.Perhaps the older woman was shaking her head in sypathy at your situation rather than judging you
Also I did wonder whether a riding lesson a visit to MCDs and a shopping trip all one morning might be a lot for some children?

I will search gor a carers group in the city I live in. So much prejudice and ignorance out there. I guess we all encounter that in some form.

YANBU, the shop assistant is right and I think it you do feel like shouting or snapping at them, bloody do it, it's them being rude and teens/old people/everyone else do know better!

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a parent of a child with ASD, I have a 6yo charge who is and the ignorance in the streets still amazes me :(

FWIW I really respect your restraint, I got extremely snappy with a pair of Spanish girls in a group a few weeks back when they started copying my 6yo charge and flapping their hands laughing. I think I told them quite angrily to stop taking the piss, then told their group leaders in a huff and then got the name of their school group from the aquarium we were visiting. I wish I'd written it down to complain about them directly to the school as I forgot it by the time I got home :(

It's his routine he usually does that every Sunday. So of I deviated from that anyway I'd get a big backlash. He's usually absolutely fine with all of it because he's so routined about it all now.

No there isn't usually regressions sorry something happened to his brain at 3.5, they thought he had neuro degenerate disorder (think Alzheimer's but for children, best I can explain) but he started getting better, but he's going downhill again fast, same as before, increased aggression and now wetting himself constantly again (he usually has the odd accident but this is now constant)

Not unreasonable at all.

However, please focus on the nice shop assistants and not the dimwit teenagers and woman.

These people are either clueless, and at some point in their lives will have a bit of a rude awakening and become nicer, more tolerant people, or they will remain clueless all their lives, which will mean that they have led very little, narrow lives. However, that is their problem not yours.

I have no experience of ASD but wouldn't stare, shout abuse or laugh.

They are just ignorant fuckers.

I hope you are okay OP.

osts post is bullcrap and it knows it.

YANBU and I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time.

I'm glad others feel like snapping. I wouldn't have said anything to the girls they were young teenagers on their own I wouldn't like to scare them by being all snappy, and the other woman was quite old so I could also be intimidating if I snapped at her then.

I think the shop assistants were shocked as i usually don't let it bother me but I feel like I'm clinging on by my finger nails anyway at the moment.

It did take a lot of restraint not to snap though

I'm so sorry. I haven't had to face anything like what you are going through. But dd was a screamer, clingy too with bad ears until she was about three. Similar situation in a small shop - dd screaming and clearly unwell - old dear glaring on who couldn't hold her tongue and eventually couldn't stop herself saying "there's something wrong with that baby you know". I took delight in managing to retort "I know, I think it's because of my poor parenting skills". I can still see her face now - and dd is 14.

Had similar a few times when dd was in a wheelchair when she was 9 for 10 weeks due to smashing her leg badly. Strangers approached us and asked me questions as though dd had something wrong with her tongue or her mind. Again, I just said - ask my daughter, she's hurt her leg, not her head. Shut the fuckers up pretty quickly.

I would practice "you can see this is difficult for me - would you mind getting me x and y and taking it to the counter please while I deal with my son".

Bastards - it's not you OP - go prepared.

how did the ignorant cow older woman react when you broke down?

Oh DD :( :(

I'm so sorry.

two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids

In the nicest possible way - you're wrong about that bit. They're not kids. They should damn well know better and deserved a yelling at - though I understand why you didn't.

What support are you getting? From family/professionals?

YANBU. I am sad to hear of the utterly unimaginative, judgemental, ignorant, petty-minded, cruel, smug, unkind, insensitive, hideousness of my fellow 'humans.' I can only offer my sympathies but will redouble my efforts to ensure I'm free of this myself and to have the guts to stand up and say something when I see blatant wrongs under my nose.

All best wishes to you and your DS .

i am hopeful the upcoming para-olympics will help towards general enlightenment (sorry a bit off topic)

big squish to you.

It can be maddening. I have found the best thing, for me, is to look them right in the eye and calmly say "He has (or "they have" if they are both with me) autism" and continue to make eye contact. I suppose it is very confrontational, but it works. They normally apologise and often look as if they feel very foolish.

take care of yourself xxxxxx

I would not stare..... But I know people do. My kids do. I tell them not to and explain. My teens are empathic to anyone who has SN or a disability. They have it reinforced in schools now. I think generation by generation it must be improving...surely?

My ds doesn't like laughing at Mr Bean anymore as he thinks he may have SN of some sort and he knows it's not good to laugh at. Ten years ago we all laughed at Mr Bean.

Op.... What would you like us to do? Totally ignore, obviously trying to engage with your ds isnt an option. I would usually give the mum/dad a sort of smile.

It's bloody tough I sympathise.

Thanks everyone. I know I should focus on the shop assistants (one went to baby group with me and was there through regression so she knows and I think she has informed everyone else as they are all so nice to us)

I'm glad im not the only one who feels like snapping though.

I remember being in a queue at the uniform shop once, massive queue but DS was coping, in front of us was a little boy obviously also on the spectrum screaming and flapping and trying to bolt. DS was staring so I said 'it's hard to queue DS he doesn't like the queue it's busy' and the woman turned on hog defence and said 'its because he's autistic' and I told her about DS and she was relieved I wasn't having a dig just explaining.

So I do try and judge whether someone is staring to see if they can help or if they are staring because they are unkind best I can.

YADNBU and big hugs. I hate it when people stare and stare back at them - whilst mentally screaming sorry DD has learning disabilities -whats your excuse? As it has been said concentrate on the kindness of the shop assistants who sound lovely and take a little comfort in that hopefully the starers are feeling very ashamed of themselves.

On a different note it sounds like you are a bit exhausted - do you have much support in RL? Am really sorry you have had a crap morning

Blackberry I don't mind what you do, if you don't know and you ask I don't mind. If someone questioned what is wrong or smiled at me id probably rush an explanation I wouldn't be offended at all. It's just the obvious looks of disgust like I don't know his behaviour is unacceptable. He doesn't know he's just on a high all the time at the moment.

If it doesn't get better when he's back at school I'm going to have to consider medication and that is making me proper gutted

Oh, that's rotten. I agree they're not 'just kids' and should know better.

If I saw you I'd probably end up staring from a combination of wanting to help if I could and wanting to give you a smile to show I wasn't being a catsbum twit about it. But the woman shaking her head at you is obviously not trying to be nice so I wouldn't worry about judging her!

No RL support in the summer. School are very supportive when he goes and I have a bad morning.