To want to stand in the middle of the shops and scream 'stop fucking staring at him'

[DozyDuck]

I won't. I've just had enough. DS has ASD. He has a regression at 3.5 he lost all his skills. He's now losing skills again at a rapid pace. I'm worried sick.

In McDonald's today after riding lesson he was making his autistic noises and two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids but it hurt. I opted for a hard state but they just laughed more so I ignored them.

Then on the way home I nipped into the corner shop, where all the shop assistants know us, he's usually fine there but now in the midst of another fucking horrible regression he can't seem to handle it there at all. He was shrieking and pulled a tin off the shelf and I was holding his hands in the queue to stop him (we had run out of milk I had no choice but to go) and some older woman was staring at him and shaking her head.

I wanted to shout at her 'what the actual fuck do you want me to do? He doesn't understand words, doesn't feel pain, I'm trying my hardest!'

I opted for standing in the queu and breaking down in tears.

Luckily the shop assistants came over and said I should ignore them not let people like that bother me etc etc.

I feel like i am now at breaking point and I had better not even leave the house because I just want to shout at them all to get on with it and leaVe us alone. Which will only make them think I'm someone who can't even control myself.

Just leave me alone.

No laugh away, I do now and the bald bloke took it well considering it's episodes like these though that keep us going don't you find?
Now he's seventeen and mostly behaves himself and we don't get many stares any more I think because now people see disabled rather than naughty Just need to teach dd to keep her voice down and not say out loud what she's thinking (like last week when she was discussing loudly whether fat people should be allowed on the boat because of the increased risk of it sinking) and then I'll be mostly invisible I hope.

Oh dear insanity. I had a very loud and long conversation with my friends child with aspergers in a park cafe about where it was appropriate to remove your clothes after he saw a child with his top off in the park.

That was probably one people were a bit confused by:

'i can take my clothes off in the bath can't I dozy'
'yes x'
'but I'm not to be naked in the park am I dozy?'
'no x'
'but I take my clothes off for PE don't I dozy'
'yes x you put your PE kit on'
'but I'm not to take my clothes off in the hall am I dozy'

DD

You are doing a fab job & it stinks you don't have more support.

I have friends with SN children & one of them says when she is stared at
(& like you she likes to give benefit of the doubt first)

Yes he is AUTISTIC what's your problem??? in a sickly sweet smiley voice.

She concedes it's a bit P/A but better than slapping their judgey faces!

Just for an extra kick in the teeth I emailed my ex (not DSs dad but he raised DS and we are still friendly, he was a cheating scum bag but lovely to DS) and told him that DS can't tolerate others anywhere near him and is starting to hurt me and I'm not sure what to do next and his reply was:

'well he's going to have to learn to tolerate it then and if he's hurting you then you need to restrain him more effectively'

Helpful.

Thing is he would just get on and do that but he is stronger and better than me

dozy please please dont ever feel like that,the reason i can deal with it is because i have over time leant how, same as any one with the amount of experance i have.i have leant to pick my battles wisely risk asses like a mad woman not to deveate from routine and when required have a very sharp toungue.i also have the benefit of all my sn kids being in special schools and as such i am able to draw on the skills of other people with more experance than me.
and you often find that sometimes more children are easyer to deal with than just 1 not all the time but sometimes,i also get help from my older children and have exceptional family support,i also try as much as i can to dwell on the possitive rather than the negative if it may help you to identify them i will give you a few examples of what i mean.

i never need to fret about any of my sn children being accused of causing mischeif,as they never ever go anywhere unattended.
its much easyer to work out when i meltdown is going to happen than when my nt kids are going to have a tantrum.
i never have to fret about cleanleness or bribing the sn kids to wash (a comen issue with nt boys) because i do it all.
i rarely forget anything as one of my sn kids has a fantastic memory.
relying on lists is a very usefull way to live and we have to use them so its usefull.
rules get followed compleatly its brilliant if i say something is a rule it gets followed to the letter.
it really helps me have a understanding of how different everybody is so makes me far more excepting of people.
if i phone up a friend or family member and ask for help im more likly to get it.
i can allways find any book i want/need as the dc with the memory is very keen on order.
its also forced me to be very practical about what happens when im no longer alive.

its not amazing its just what you get used to.and im certain your dc knows you are amazing because im getting the impression you do a damn fine job

Had a phonecall once from a lovely science teacher at DS's school, didn't know him at all, but he was just giving me a head's up on something that had happened.
DS was walking down the corridor with a very concentrated expression, teacher asked if he was OK. DS said yes, but two boys had said something he didn't understand and he was trying to remember it so he could ask me and I'd explain.
Teacher asked him what the boys had said.
'You are a fucking gayboy retard who likes it up the arse' said my boy in a loud clear voice and then waited for the explanation. Oblivious to the passers by who were
Teacher was wonderful, handled my DS, sorted out the shits that had sworn at him and then rung me so I wasn't too shocked when we had our daily untangling of the NT world discussion.

''i can take my clothes off in the bath can't I dozy'
'yes x'
'but I'm not to be naked in the park am I dozy?'
'no x'
'but I take my clothes off for PE don't I dozy'
'yes x you put your PE kit on'
'but I'm not to take my clothes off in the hall am I dozy'

We've had many a conversation like that!

Thank you sock. I am trying and I must be doing something right as have been emailed by the place I used to work about a job as a 1:1 TA coming up in December. Surely they wouldn't bother if I was crap eh?

It still feels like in doing it all wrong sometimes though. I'm going to write today off and start fresh in the morning.

Aww fallen what horrible boys! But a lovely teacher!

I wish I could have the conversations with DS but he doesn't understand anything yet.

dogwood perfectly put and apsolutly no disrespect taken i compleatly agree

Mine is big and scary now, when people are being inappropriate, he steps inside their comfort zone, fixes them with an Aspie stare and says 'What did you say/' in a flat loud voice.
They usually wet themselves and run. I taught him that, took weeks of practise!

I don't have time to read the whole thread I'm afraid. I used to work with children & teenagers with asd; I saw a few t-shirts with "I have autism - what's your problem?!" printed on them. Got the point across to rubberneckers & tutters when they were having a bad day!

I've seen them lentil but have spoken to adults on the spectrum who have said that it's 'unwanted/unknown exposure' and they didn't like it, so I've never gone to that extreme.

Fallen your boy sounds fab :)

I wasn't sure myself about literally 'labelling' people in this way but I quite liked the implied "so fuck off" in the message!

DS did have a shirt once that said 'if you keep staring I might do tricks' I liked that one :)

i had a lovely convo yesterday with a mum of a friend she admited to me that she was petrified when sheo knew she was going to meet one of my dc's just incase she did the wrong thing the dc got involved in the convo only to be told by her that on meeting him she just knew he was fantastic so shouldnt have fretted i thought it was lovely that she said to him that hes really intresting to talk to and anybody who attempts to change him is boring. i practicly beamed with pride.

dozy thinking about the naked convo has just reminded me about an epic fail i once made.i gave an instruction and forgot to undo the instruction.
dont get naked in public was the instigator to swimming fully clothed and utter bemusement when it caused an issue. it makes me giggle when ever i picture the looks on the staffs faces

Hahaha oh dear! I don't have that issue with DS yet as he doesn't understand the instructions but I can see it being an issue. The stuff he does understand though he takes so literally. When the doctor said 'jump up on the bed' and all he heard was 'jump' and 'bed' so started using the bed as a trampoline

I completely understand how you feel. I have a ten year old daughter with behavioural difficulties and one of the most difficult aspects if parenting her is taking her out in public. If I run out if milk, I run out of milk. I can't take her shopping any more (I shop online for everything.) When she threw a tantrum in the park recently I found myself apologising to members of the public! Rather than laughter or staring, I find people look uncomfortable, shocked and embarrassed. A couple of nurses looked at me with such pity last week I can still picture their faces. If I saw you and your son somewhere I would understand but let's face it, most people have average/'normal' children - everyone I know does anyway.

Oh sock!
Mine is 17 now, and the number of times little things like that have caused hysterical consequences are the stuff of legend in my family.
DS developed a sense of humour about it when he was around 12 or so, and became very confident about pointing out the logical consequences of my instructions. Like when I told him he could have a bowl of his cereal and he used the mixing bowl.

Thereslovely I'm sorry to hear about that I just want to be able to think he will grow out of it but I know that's not necessarily true

Fallen what a little monkey!

Fallen: How brilliant of that teacher! I love that you've taught him to confront them too.

Dozy I've had many of those "But I can take my clothes off..." convos with my eldest charge Especially when the younger children were running around fountains in their knickers a few weeks back at the park!
My 7yo undiagnosed charge seems to think that anybody with dark brown eyes (including me) is a witch at the moment, so we get a lot of "Pixie! It's a wiiiiiiiitch!" with full on pointing and going up to them and staring Most people are taking it in good humour though thankfully! The amount of people who'll wink and make her promise not to tell is brilliant though :)

fallen i have one that does that with bowls and they di indeen have a valid point

It is entertaining working out which bit is the AS and which bit is teenage boy!
It has been a very long haul though, and I remember every moment of how hard it was with the judgemental stares and the fear and aggression thrown at him.
So hugs and gin all round really.