To want to stand in the middle of the shops and scream 'stop fucking staring at him'

[DozyDuck]

I won't. I've just had enough. DS has ASD. He has a regression at 3.5 he lost all his skills. He's now losing skills again at a rapid pace. I'm worried sick.

In McDonald's today after riding lesson he was making his autistic noises and two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids but it hurt. I opted for a hard state but they just laughed more so I ignored them.

Then on the way home I nipped into the corner shop, where all the shop assistants know us, he's usually fine there but now in the midst of another fucking horrible regression he can't seem to handle it there at all. He was shrieking and pulled a tin off the shelf and I was holding his hands in the queue to stop him (we had run out of milk I had no choice but to go) and some older woman was staring at him and shaking her head.

I wanted to shout at her 'what the actual fuck do you want me to do? He doesn't understand words, doesn't feel pain, I'm trying my hardest!'

I opted for standing in the queu and breaking down in tears.

Luckily the shop assistants came over and said I should ignore them not let people like that bother me etc etc.

I feel like i am now at breaking point and I had better not even leave the house because I just want to shout at them all to get on with it and leaVe us alone. Which will only make them think I'm someone who can't even control myself.

Just leave me alone.

rant away on here anyone who judges will soon get put in their place. good thing about counselling you will not be judged at all and can say what you feel and worry about without that fear

I wouldnt stare, laugh or abuse. I would probably watch for a bit though, I used to work with carers and people with LD and id be probably trying to work out the situation. i.e naughty kid or child with L/D A/S. etc. I d then probably offer to assist if needed. I would definetly tell my kids not to stare.

YANBU at all. My dd 5 ASD has had a regression due to the holidays and having her cousins from abroad stay over. Admittedly she loved her cousins staying over but it put her a bit out of kilter. We went shopping with them, she is usually fine in these shops we go there often. Cue mahooosive hysteria attack, screaming wailing, shouting my ears are hurting, and refusing to go anywhere. Meanwhile people are staring, her young cousins are a bit biwildered, and I just want the ground to swallow me up. This has happened 3,times in the holidays when out and about. The recent one on Friday in a hospital waiting room to get her sight checked. Everyone looking

Thank goodness she is starting a school for autism in september

Aww piglet I hope things get better at school!

I have had people who work with children with LDs watch DS and I can kind of tell the difference. Usually because if DS flies at them for looking at him they respond instantly by saying something that stops him in his tracks, or they start talking to DS.

DS bolted out of the car in a petrol station once, my heart was in my mouth as I tried to get him and a man just got hold of him and brought him back, calmly. I was in bits spitting out an explanation as usual and he just said 'it's ok I teach them, you get in the car and I'll strap him in then you can go.

It was the nicest thing anyone could have possibly ever done for me ever at that point. Then I went to school and cried because he was nice

I'm too soft

i totally feel your pain 5 of my children have autisum one of my children was in a nasty car accident and now uses a wheelchair but i am very very lucky because we live in a very small town so most people are very used to us especially staff in shops/cafes ect, we have a core group of shops cafes and resterants we use routinely as the staff in them have allways been great with the kids even my lad who at 11 liked to hug every single blonde waitress and ask for her phone number.
we occasionally come across a starer they get a big beaming smile and "this is what some children on the autistic spectrum look like" that usually stops them. its the tutters and the mumbled nasty commenters i find the worse. on extreamly bad days i have been known to say "s/he has autisum,so whats your excuse for acting like a cunt" but i have only ever said this as a direct result of people actually calling one of my kids names or saying something like "if that little shit was mind i would give him a bloody good slap".

i find the only way to deal with it for me is mostly ignoring it but only if it gets really rude using the comment.

to anybody who wonders what to do if out and about under those circumstances once a few years ago one of the kids was having a huge meltdown and i could see the others wernt far behind i was really struggling in a shop several people were wispering loudly ect i couldnt leave the shop because i really needed what ever i was there for and a lady gently put her hand on my shoulder and said "wow your doing so much better than i would have been, is there anything i can do to help" she then loudly said " if anybody feels there shopping needs to be done faster than this lady say now or hold your peace" and to the sales chap "young man chop chop you can clearly see several disabled children being victimised and bullied please serve there mother quickly so she can leave the shop im sure nobody minds" this was followed by a very stern look to the other customers just daring them to object.

that lady was wonderfull

YANBU. At all. How awful for you, and him.

I have been close to snapping many, many times and have broken down in tears - and that is with NT kids being toddlers/overtired/misbehaving just because they can. I know I have the merciful knowledge that chances are, it will get better.
You and carers in similar shoes do not have that luxury.
I am not sure how I would manage to put one foot in front of the other every day and deal with this.

I totally agree that those teenagers should know better. My word, children can learn to be tolerant and kind!

I hope you have some support and opportunity to vent in RL.
I would like to think that I would not have stared, but I have some involvement in people with all sorts of SN and am well aware that such a thing as 'normal' does not really exist.

Hope you feel a bit better now, Duck.

Oh dd I felt like that on Friday in the hospital waiting room. Her little brother 6.5 months was making screeching noises, that set off dd. I felt like handing her into SS I really did, and thinking why have I got a child like dd

Oh, DozyDuck, x-post.
People being nice to me is what makes me well up too - deffo not reserved for those with kids with SN

Sock..5!!! I can only just cope with 1. You are amazing!

That woman sounds so fantastic! I love people like that.

I do forget the good ones sometimes. I was going home from town once. DS in the buggy after an awful disrupting time (was given half days at mainstream then I pulled him out and was about to start special school, we needed to buy his new uniform and had 1 day to do this)

He was crying his eyes out and screaming 'home' he just didn't understand what was going on and a little old lady walked up and said 'he needs to go home, dont you sweetheart' I said 'he's autistic he...' and she said 'yes that wasn't for his benefit it was for there's, I have a grandson with special needs' and looked at the starers while saying 'it's too much for him here with you all staring at him'

I could have hugged her.

Dozy: You sound like a great Mum, people are always quick to assume that young adults can't possibly be good parents (or child carers of any form) and they are ridiculous to think that. I've always admired the parents on here, especially those with SN children since working with my three charges (two eldest SN, 4yo NT).

I must admit that since starting my job I've become very quick to comment when people are staring. I've been lucky and have only come across the piss taking that one time, the rest of the time I'll try talk to somebody as neutrally as possible as I'm crap with witty retorts.

Wow there are some lovely people in the world. Wow socks I am in awe of you, one is hard to deal with at dimes. That is lovely dozy. I am hoping that it will get better once she is older, I have noticed that it has

Pacific thanks for that :) I think it's just the way it is with me. If people totally ignored me I would be fine! When he was mid regression I was teaching, it was such a hard time but I kept going to work every day. People used to say 'how are you' and I'd say 'don't be nice to me, just ignore me or I'll cry' I was fine when I could pretend nothing was going on.

Luckily everyone totally understood.

I remember someone else in the staff going through a different personal problem and a note being passed round saying 'x knows if she needs to talk she can, please don't ask if she's ok as it sets her off' and wondering if that note had been sent around about me too.

Pixie I for one am glad I am so young. I am in awe of people who deal with the same behaviours but are twice my age!

I remember when DS was a baby (nt) I was 18 and finding the sleep hard and a mother from baby group said to me 'I'm twice your age with twice the children!' I felt a bit silly whining about sleep then! It certainly gave me a shake up. Just like socks post did. I think I have it hard taking one child out and about but others can deal with 5 and so could I if I had to. I have to think strong again!

Dozy, sending you huge hugs, we've spoken on the SN board. My ds was very much like yours and the points and stares used to crucify me until it got to a point where I thought I can either hide him away and avoid all these idiots or I can go about making them think and hopefully stop them doing it to the next parent and child they come across.
So I had a few phrases that I'd trot out, I practised so they came out without even thinking and without me getting emotional. So I'd say "this is autism and your problem is ignorance or downright stupidity? " or when directed to give him a smack I'd say "when smacking cures autism the doctors will put it on prescription, when they do I'll give him one three times a day" When being told to watch Supernanny for tips I told someone to "look up voluntary euthanasia and take a few tips for yourself"
Because I no longer felt powerless it helped and I think the confidence showed because people no longer felt they had the right to comment and they'd avoid my eyes.
Only once since ds was dx'ed 15 years ago has anyone been positive and it was one day ds was trying to clear the shelves in the local shop (because they'd moved stuff round) and I was talking him down sat on the floor. A woman touched my shoulder and said she was a teacher who worked with ASD and she wanted me to know that what she saw told her I was a fantastic mum to ds. I was on my knees that day and so I've never forgot her kindness and I do the same to other mums who I see struggling now too.
One of my funniest experiences was out with dd who also has autism and was on the verge of blowing but I had got it in hand when this old couple on sticks hobbled over and told her to be good or else Santa wouldn't come. Now dd didn't have a clue what they said but they spoke to her when she was on the verge and that was it,tipped her over the edge. I snapped "this isn't naughty this is autism made worse by bloody idiots like you!" At that second dd's echolalia kicked in and her shrieks of fury were replaced by her shouting at the top of her voice "bloody idiots like you!" over and over. The old couple who had hobbled up ran full pelt and I fell about laughing which made dd laugh and further crisis was averted.
Anyway they are my experiences if nothing else hope they make you feel as though you aren't alone.

I took my children out the other day, we were at an event with lots of stalls.

There was one for a charity for people with disabilities.

We went and had a look and were chatting to one of the men there. He only had one leg and my DS was staring at the stump. I thought it was a perfect place to teach him some manners. I said 'DS, you know we don't like people staring at your eye (he has a condition which causes a droopy eye lid) so it isn't nice to stare. It is ok to ask though'. He asked the man what had happened to his leg and they had a lovely chat. The man also asked my DS what had happened to his eye.

Glad to read on here that I am teaching him the right thing.

Insanity I remember. I've been moaning do much at the moment everyone must think I'm a martyr sorry.

I have had the Santa one too near Christmas DS didn't even take it in and I just said 'he can't understand you'

I'm trying to remember funny situations. The times things are funny is when they are just narrowly avoided, like the time in ikea when a woman was bent over some shelves and I saw DSs eyes light up as he ran over to try and bite her bum (pulled away just in time and said woman was oblivious thank god)

Or once when a woman at the check out in tesco said 'are you getting a new toy?' to which DS responded 'can I sniff your bottom?' luckily that woman was someone who worked with children on the spectrum and said 'no I wouldn't like that sweetheart, thanks' un phased. But anyone walking past hearing the conversation probably thought they had lost the plot themselves!

Or when DS started his new school, a lot of the children there swear but DS doesn't know what it means etc, we ignore if it comes out. He was sat on my sisters partners lap playing beautifully, everyone was looking because it was such a rare sweet moment... Then DS turned around and said 'x'
'yes Dylan?'

'are you a fuck?'

Sisters DP looked back poker faced and said 'no DS, no I'm not'

While me and my mum and sister where shaking with our heads in pillows so DS didn't see us laughing.

Lucky he has some self control

DozyDuck, that old lady sounds like quite the ticket!

Re having your socks pulled up: while there is nothing wrong with reminding oneself that there is others in the world who have a 'worse' lot than oneself (gawd, I sound like the queen ), I think it is also true that YOU have to bear YOUR lot and that is hard.
Just as it is not helpful to look enviously at other people's 'better lives', what you have to go through easier does not become magically easier because others have it harder (no disrespect to sock or anybody else - I hope you get were I am coming from).

I am a strong believer in Therapeutic Moaning: vent, then carry on !

Mamma it's fine to ask im so glad you teach your DS that I like it when children ask. When I was teaching reception I saw a child out in the park. DS was in his buggy and the child was staring because obviously DS was too big for a buggy, so his mum said 'miss's DS has a poorly brain that's why he needs to be safe in his buggy'

A few weeks later I was talking about DS in class and the child piped up 'he has a poorly brain, but he's very nice still'

Little cutie.

Also a child DS went to toddler group with was in DSs school and he said 'I'm going to invite all my class to my party and dozy's DS, he hurts me but he can't help it because he has special needs so he's still my friend'

I knew my friend had explained it properly and he just accepted DS the way he was because of it

YANBU, some people are so fucking rude and ignorant. I usually just walk away feeling really upset but now and then I have to say something along the lines of "Staring at him won't cure his autism!"

Pacific I know I am entitled to moan (as are parents of NT children who have had a massive paddy day) thank you

Yadnbu. My aunt had disabilities and it was so hurtful when she was stared at when we were out. It must be worse for you though if it's not obvious. Easier said than done but next time your out, hold your head high and ignore the ignorant folk.

Ds used to be obsessed by bald heads so would be very enthusiastic and point them out loudly which was fun and earned me plenty of filthy looks. He could spot them a mile off. One day in the park he made a run for it,on the grass was a bald man sunbathing he grabbed both ears and licked the top of his head enthusiastically. Everything he's done since then has paled into insignificance tbh .

I remember once at work someone said to me 'I feel bad moaning about my DS because I know you have it worse' and I just said 'don't be bloody stupid, moan away, I still would if in your shoes'

Oh insanity! I'm sorry if it's insensitive but that's hilarious.

I had my friends DS was (aspergers) who was obsessed with Harry potter. We were in the cafe and he pointed excitedly 'look dozy it's Harry potter, look he has his glasses on! Look! Look!' he just wouldn't give it up so I started to leave and glanced up at the poor teenage GIRL with cropped hair and glasses on I was gutted for her!