To want to stand in the middle of the shops and scream 'stop fucking staring at him'

[DozyDuck]

I won't. I've just had enough. DS has ASD. He has a regression at 3.5 he lost all his skills. He's now losing skills again at a rapid pace. I'm worried sick.

In McDonald's today after riding lesson he was making his autistic noises and two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids but it hurt. I opted for a hard state but they just laughed more so I ignored them.

Then on the way home I nipped into the corner shop, where all the shop assistants know us, he's usually fine there but now in the midst of another fucking horrible regression he can't seem to handle it there at all. He was shrieking and pulled a tin off the shelf and I was holding his hands in the queue to stop him (we had run out of milk I had no choice but to go) and some older woman was staring at him and shaking her head.

I wanted to shout at her 'what the actual fuck do you want me to do? He doesn't understand words, doesn't feel pain, I'm trying my hardest!'

I opted for standing in the queu and breaking down in tears.

Luckily the shop assistants came over and said I should ignore them not let people like that bother me etc etc.

I feel like i am now at breaking point and I had better not even leave the house because I just want to shout at them all to get on with it and leaVe us alone. Which will only make them think I'm someone who can't even control myself.

Just leave me alone.

Dozy - I do feel for you that's awful.

My dd is 12 and has ASD, I have had years of people sighing, tutting and judging at her behaviours.

I don't bother confronting people directly anymore. I speak loudly to dd, things like "don't worry dd, people are staring because they don't understand you have autism" etc etc. Makes me feel better!

On the other hand I broke down in tears once in a supermarket carpark after a terrible incident with dd. A wonderful woman walked over to me and offered help and support. She'd heard me saying autism and it made her see it for what it was. Other people just saw a swearing, aggressive 12 yo attacking her mother and, justifiably, were wary of getting involved.

A printed card could hold details of web pages where people can educate themselves further or where they might offer some support.

I had the cards but they ended up in the wash/ eaten by DS etc.

Fanjo I'm sorry I had to laugh at grabbing strange men on the arse. DS has a thing about sniffing people's bottoms and will put his finger 'there' then sniff it. Luckily when he does this people really do realise he's disabled and tend to say its ok.

Growing a think skin does help but trust me something get through (normally when you are having a really bad day already)

Cards Do work!

This is coming from a women that handed 150 card out at gatwich ariport as I offered to take DGD on holiday and she had to go on a plane(12) for the first time, Touretts and airports do NOT mix, having said that the pilot and stewards where FANTASTIC, the pilot invided DGD up to the flight deck and sopke to her as he would have anychild it was something he didn't have to do but it really mad my day (Never mind DGD)

Thornrose I am absolutely terrified of DS being a teenager. I'm quite tall and DSs dad towers over me! I don't know what I'll do then!

Mummyinspain it is lovely when they are so nice like that. It really makes me feel loads better when someone is nice to DS.

She grabs them and they turn round and see ME at eye level and I have to grin and show them DD

Oh god sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. These incidents are very few and far between.

I went to one of the equestrian events over the Olympics and we were 3 rows back from the area for wheel chairs etc. We couldn't see down into the area but it was obvious that there was some adult/child with special needs from the sounds that they would occasionally make. The two women behind me started making snarky comments about "people should be silent when the horses are jumping" to eventually just giggling when in the absolute silence you could hear a low level wail. I don't have a SN child of my own but know quite a few through school and I could feel myself getting more and more irritated with the ignorant comments. Eventually I turned round and saying "Has it occured to you they might have special needs and can't help it?". They looked REALLY embarrassed as those around them heard as well and shut up from then on! It struck me that there are whole chunks of the population for who an individual having SN's is not even in their possibilities of thinking! I know awareness has improved but clearly not enough.

Well said Little.

Oh no fanjo! I think I'd want the ground to swallow me up! Haha!

Thornrose it wasn't just you I said it to his dad on Friday when he came to pick up DS.

The Olympics situation is so sad. He was probably enjoying it and making them noises.

When DS was in mainstream they didn't give him the things he needed to cope (chewy toys, ear defenders etc) because they didn't want him to 'look different' I said why are they letting children have glasses and wheelchairs then? They look different! It's like some people can't see past the beautiful face and working body. You can't see the brain so you can't understand it. It annoys me.

There must be a way to help people understand what it feels like for him

littleblutoo

They where ignorant beyond belief and clearly not just on SN. I rode at that level for years and trust me there is not a professional horse of rider worth their salt at that level that can't cope with that kind of noise.

WELL DONE YOU.

Just because I am feeling picked on at the moment that was BEFOR my car accident!

oh honey

could counselling help, sometimes just someone to talk to that has no connection with you is great way to get to air all of your feelings, this is about you too and how you feel about everything. there is low cost counselling available in most areas (if it is needed) here is a link to the bacp website sorry have no other advice i can give you

www.bacp.co.uk/seeking_therapist/right_therapist.php#q1

Mummyinspain why are you being picked on?

I was at horse riding today and there was a little boy at the stables I used to teach. DS was repeating him (echolalia) and he said 'why is he doing that?' I told him he was autistic and he liked it to which he replied 'is he like disabled then?' so I said yes and he accepted it and carried on. Even when DS went to kick him (I pulled him back in time) he said 'is that because he doesn't know?'

That is a year 3 child. Sometimes I think kids are just better at understanding.

When my daughter was a baby she had to wear something rather unusual and I got sick of the stares she would get. Older people were the worst. I was known to ask them if they wanted a photo.

Freudian I think counselling would help. That's why I came to rant on here sometimes I just need to talk to someone who won't think I mean it when I say I just can't do it anymore. I can do it, I don't want to worry anyone it just feels fucking horrible to watch him.

Recently I've been crying over the bloody McDonald's advert because all the children are playing near each other at the happy meal box and I just think 'DS would just attack them all'

Dozy - some people in life will never understand or even try. Thankfully lots of people do.
I still have to remind family members, who love my dd with all their heart, that certain actions are due to her autism. It's not malicious, they just need gentle reminders!

If you are a judger or know a judger what is the best thing to say? I like the 'I can see you're shaking your head' if it's children staring I usually just say 'it's ok DS they're going to stop staring at you now' and they usually walk away/ their parents say 'stop staring' and I only say that because DS can't stand people looking at his face!

I was looking at him the other day like you do thinking how beautiful he is (obviously as he's my own child he is the most beautiful creature in the world to me) and he noticed and lashed out growling at me 'go away eyes!'

DozyDuck I'm sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. You must be worried sick about your son and to have people staring and shaking their head at him is just so mean and horrible. It sounds like a card you can hand people or a phrase you can say is the way forward. That or carrying a massive hammer covered in fake blood in your handbag, that you can whip out at the first sign of provocation (I hope that sounded humorous as I intended rather than a bit unsettling and inappropriate....).

Dozy, I agree re counselling it really does help. Ranting on here is great therapy too!
We know you can do it, you're doing it.
I hope its ok to say that the rawness of your feelings now will fade to something more manageable (without sounding patronising).

You don't sound patronising.

I think the fake hammer idea is funny. I wish sometimes I looked a little more 'hard' when my friend is with me (drag king, body builder) no one even glances at us. But when I'm on my own looking like a baby myself (very young looking 24 ) people say/ stare / tut as much as they want.

Yanbu. You are doing a bloody good job.

That shows how much these people are cowards as well as stupid and rude, doesn't it?

I don't have a disabled child but I am v small and petite, and I find that when I am in a bad mood and it is obviously showing on my face, no one tuts when my 3 year old is kicking off on the bus. Even a cross face on an extremely small woman is enough to deter these sad judgers. Looking in any way vulnerable seems to give them carte blanche to say something. I do mean this seriously - find your inner 'fuck off you loser' face and don't be afraid to make use of it.

Cowards, the lot of 'em.

Thank you eeyore

Lady I will try my best I'm a bit rubbish at it.

My friend laughs at how I speak etc in RL as she's very hard and straightforward and when she's angry the whole world knows! But when something bad has happened to me I ring her and say 'and it made me feel very cross' while sounding like I'm talking to a toddler