To want to stand in the middle of the shops and scream 'stop fucking staring at him'

[DozyDuck]

I won't. I've just had enough. DS has ASD. He has a regression at 3.5 he lost all his skills. He's now losing skills again at a rapid pace. I'm worried sick.

In McDonald's today after riding lesson he was making his autistic noises and two teenage girls were staring at him, pointing and laughing . I know they're just kids but it hurt. I opted for a hard state but they just laughed more so I ignored them.

Then on the way home I nipped into the corner shop, where all the shop assistants know us, he's usually fine there but now in the midst of another fucking horrible regression he can't seem to handle it there at all. He was shrieking and pulled a tin off the shelf and I was holding his hands in the queue to stop him (we had run out of milk I had no choice but to go) and some older woman was staring at him and shaking her head.

I wanted to shout at her 'what the actual fuck do you want me to do? He doesn't understand words, doesn't feel pain, I'm trying my hardest!'

I opted for standing in the queu and breaking down in tears.

Luckily the shop assistants came over and said I should ignore them not let people like that bother me etc etc.

I feel like i am now at breaking point and I had better not even leave the house because I just want to shout at them all to get on with it and leaVe us alone. Which will only make them think I'm someone who can't even control myself.

Just leave me alone.

Pixie the witch thing is hilarious. A little girl with autism in DSs class saw me wearing a tight t shirt with a bloaty time of the month tummy the other month. She said 'ooo mummy look! Dozy has a baby in her belly! 'Then grabbed my belly and squeezed!

Her poor mum was mortified I found it quite funny

I must remember to be careful around that one too her mum was needing the toilet once and I said she could leave her Dd with me for a second. Her mum said 'she might bite though she just bit me' and I, knowing full well what it's like to try and go for a wee in a public loo with an autistic child with you, said 'well she can bite me then' cue her DD looking very happy to oblige.

Totally my fault that one! Oops!

The thing is though Dozy people who only have them for a few hours have no comprehension of the scale of the task.My sister used to visit about once every six weeks, sweep in, judge and wonder why I found it hard.
What she never grasped was for that one visit I had prepared ds for a week beforehand, the visit was structured in a way for ds to succeed and I was hyper vigilant and ready to avert all disasters.He'd not slept for months on end and when she'd gone he'd react to the stress of her visit.
She'd sweep out congratulating herself on how well she managed ds whilst I was on the loo or preparing food and consider herself the more competent between us with no idea as to what life was really like.
If I was doing it part time like your ex then my energy levels would be higher too and I'd have the comfort of knowing that there was an end in sight and I could hand him over and get on with my nice and simple life.
Don't let him make you feel bad FWIW the last thing anyone should do to ds is restrain him and your ex doesn't know whether your ds should be restrained either.

Sorry you have had such a rubbish day.

My son is autistic, he is only 2.4yrs though so most of the time people assume he is just being a toddler. We do get the occasional comments/stares with some of the things he does but nothing nasty yet thankfully.

He has also regressed over the summer, I am counting the days till September.

Before I had him I worked in care for adults with learning difficulties. I found that most people were nice, helped by the fact that my clients obviously had additional needs.

There have been a few negative incidents one particular one happened in McDonalds. A group of teenagers were mimicking my client and laughing at him.

Fortunately he was oblivious but they pissed me off so much I went over and told the little shits that he was my brother and that if they said another word about him they would be exiting though the fucking window. I was leaning so close that I was about an inch from the ring leaders face when I spoke.

This was all said in the the brightest happiest voice ever as my client wouldn't understand what I had said but would understand if I was shouting or using an unhappy tone.

They clearly thought I was off my head and ditched their food and ran! It wasn't my most professional moment but it taught them a lesson.

Insanity I know that but when ex was here he was fab with DS in a way I never feel I'll be able to be. Maybe I'm just seeing it through blinkers as he has once or twice said how he can't handle DS like I can :-/

I hate that people seem to think its ok to laugh and joke. I have marched last a bunch of teenagers laughing at DS once and said 'yes, I find disabled children very funny too' in my best sarcastic voice.

As it was the girls who were being nasty and the boys were ignoring it I think it embarrassed them enough. They were older teens though. The ones today were young teenagers and I didn't want to frighten them

I have resorted to using Makaton in the past just when I'm feeling fragile because people see the signing and twig "special needs" I'm sure ds thought I was nuts but he humours me anyway You could give it a go.

Oh Dozy, sorry youve had such a horrible day, I hate gawpers.

Ds2 has ASD, he is 7 (just turned) and is the size of an 11 year old and we get loos when we are out and about. Only this week did I have two lovely incidents I will share with you.

DS2 hates the weather and terrified of lightning. As a result he goes everywhere with me so had to take him to Tesco on Tuesday. He was refusing to walk much so I got one of those trolleys with the SN seat on them and away we went shopping. I got looks of sympathy, people staring at him as he sat stroking some broccoli and talking to it like a baby, and the best bit was a man staring so hard he rammed the pram he was pushing right into his partners legs practically pushing her over.

On Thursday we were on the bus going to town, ds2 insists on sitting right at the front in the disabled seats, well he can if he wants he has a green bus pass after all plus he is very unstable on his feet due to low muscle tone so makes it easier getting off. Two elderly ladies sitting behind us, very loudly commenting on my terrible lack of manners allowing a child to sit on "those seats made for handicapped people" followed by "this is what happens when people have kids young, they can't keep them quiet" when DS2 was stimming.

Oh, and whilst in town I got accosted by a member of staff in a well known coffee shop for using the disabled toilet with ds2 as we didn't look disabled. Nice letter winging it's way to their HO as a result.

Some people have no idea, either as a result of never being in direct contact of someone with a SN or disability or as a result of being pig ignorant.

Hope you're feeling a bit better, you're sounding brighter towards the end of the thread.

DozyDuck you sound like an amazing Mum. I am not surprised you have the odd bad day. It probably would help if you could force yourself not to care about the losers that stare or make comments but I know that is easier said than done. I don't have any sn DC's buti know over the years I have become a lot better at dealing with rude or unpleasant people. When I was younger, I would tend not to say anything and I would let things get to me but now I can answer people back (polite but direct) and I am fairly immune to obnoxious people. I think you learn as you go along.
You do sound incredibly mature and sensible though. I wish you and Dozy DC the very best.

My son has grown out of a lot of the tantrums (outside). He is pretty highfunctioning (verbal, continent etc)
I have found he has got more sensitive and tearful as he gets older.
Sometimes it is heartbreaking and sometimes it's bloody annoying if I am honest.
He goes to a SN school.he would be eaten alive in mainstream.

I don't often get upset by others but it's the oddest things that push me over. It's when people think he is rude or unkind rather than badly behaved.

Though nowadays I have perfected the 'how thick do you have to be to not work out he as got SN' look. I also say it out loud.
I am a gobby east Londoner common

insanity I know exactly what you mean re the makaton thing

I remember a while ago now, I was in comet or currys looking at tele's and had my late dd in her push chair, at the time she was NG tube fed ( nasal gastric)
and the whole time I was talking to the manager of the store about a tele, he was staring at her, in the end he asked me more questions than ide asked him.

I know i got very pissed off and embarrised the hell out of him, then did a mn type flounce out of the shop, i didnt mind people asking genuine questions, but rudeness and ignorance to be honest normally got a gob full from me.

2nd's the gobby east londoner stance lol

I've found older people more judgemental than young ones tbh. One of the worst ones once told me there was no autism in her day because parents knew how to discipline. I felt obliged to let her know how children like my ds would have been hidden away in her day and how it was a pity that same facility wasn't still available for wizzened old crones who lacked compassion and tact as my life would be far more pleasant if it was and she'd certainly get a place.

'One of the worst ones once told me there was no autism in her day because parents knew how to discipline.'

Yup, and most old people were dead at 70. Ah, the Good Old Days.

Fallen

I do the makaton thing sometimes to make it really obvious to onlookers that have the 'huh? What's that about?' face. Not the judgers though.

I like the 'how thick do you have to be' line though

I'll read through properly in a but DS has just decided to go round the house wearing on absolutely everything so off with my carpet cleaner and sponge

Ha! If anyone said that to me, my reply would be "No, there were, but your selfish, narrow minded bigoted generation threw them in institutions and pretended they didn't exist. Out of sight, out of mind. Thank GOD those days are gone and our generation isn't that vile"

And they would be my actual words.

It is one of my rehearsed reactions

And how sad that I have to have them.

Isn't it so wrong though that we have to have practised retorts purely because people see fit to judge children, who don't fit the expected norms and their parents who instead of being seen as doing the hardest and most heartbreaking task are considered incompetent and inadequate.
It was hard when ds was small and his behaviour drew attention, I can understand it more now as I suppose he loosely fit the mould of a badly behaved child. Now it's hurtful because his behaviour is mostly good but the stims get the stares. Why doesn't it enter their tiny minds that they are gawping at a person with a disability?

Yes, it is. I have loads of them. That way I know I can put someone in their place without stuttering and stammering.

Vile world we live in if you're not in that narrow little band called Normal.

I totally understand OP, we are going through dx for my ds 5.6 yrs. Possibly ASD, things have got worse since he started school. Anyway, he has his meltdowns in certain shops. If the aisles are too close together or if there's lots of people for some reason this upsets him, we went into a sports shop yesterday to get some trainers for the DC and DS had a massive meltdown that left me in tears.

I had no choice but to bring him with me, but as I was leaving I could sense people staring. He doesn't know what he did was wrong, I know how to deal with him (I'm the only person who can) but in a situation where you know people are judging, it's hard.

Sometimes, it feels if it would be better if I didn't leave the house, but in reality, not possible.

oh op I so feel your pain.
I hate starers and want to zap them.
dd has cp and is in a wheelchair and people seem to think that gives them the right to stare, I find kids the worst and their parents never stop them.

OP, sending you a wee hug. Sorry you've had to deal with so many arseholes today...there's lots of them out there aren't there !

Unless it is a very young child doing the staring, I think I would always be inclined to respond with an abrupt "What the f**k are you looking/staring at ?" Even a young child should be told that it's rude to stare and certainly not laugh. Teenagers have no excuse whatsoever...hope the two wee bitches concerned wake up with a face full of spots tomorrow and have every bugger staring at them.

oh oh oh i SOOOOOO know too. My ds has autism too and a facial deformaty too and I HATE people staring and judging too. it makes me feel like a piece of dirt as a mother trying to do her best and makes my ds look like a thug. I had probs at his last school with telling them to realise his condition and not make him a criminal. Ive had suggestions before of a laminated label hanging round me and when someone stares just show them this sign, something like 'im the proud mother of an autistic child' and on the other side explain what autism is. I REALLY feel like having one saying 'my childs got a genuine problem, whats your excuse??!!' or maybe have a tshirt printed with the word 'carer and parent' for you and 'special needs' or something for your child on days out?. we shouldnt have to state the obvious but there are so many ignorant people around and i think in this day and age with so much more info people would be more educated about it. people can complain about racism and bigotry but no one listens when we complain about disability discrimination. so yes, i also want to scream my head off at some people, and dont know whats worse, the staring pointing and laughing or when someone comes up to me and says 'whats wrong with your child?' AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

I do try and keep my temper and give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time though, and explain what they are seeing. Sometimes ignorance can be enlightened if I'm feeling patient and up to it.
However, explaining things patiently is a huge part of my job, and so sometimes the skills transfer.
Not with total prats though.

There have been loads of documentaries recently too but I think unless you are interested in autism you won't bloody watch them anyway!

I think there should be an advert or something about invisible disabilities... Showing a horrible tutter and how they are slowly pushing mothers closer to the edge when they already have so much to deal with!