To think this is a massive overreaction?

[Justme23]

A friend of mine was in tears last night (at a bloody barbecue of all places) because she is having doubts about her almost one year marriage.

Basically her husband suggested recently that she ahem, trim her pubic hair and start taking care of herself a bit more.

She feels he is completely out of order for asking this, he has also said he is struggling to find her attractive any more, that she has completely let herself go since the wedding.

It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has.
She has put on a lot of weight, no longer wears makeup unless it's a formal do, her hair is never styled and she does tend to live in polo shirts and the same pair of jeans and trainers. She admitted to me not long ago that she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected.

She used to be so well turned out and her husband used to be the first to say how beautiful she was and how proud he was to have her.

Their sex life used to be crazy but now is pretty non existent, she said he isn't interested any more.

Yesterday she (hysterically crying) told me she felt he was being disrespectful, nasty, cruel and evil and that she thinks she wants a divorce...

AIBU for thinking she is being very short sighted.

I certainly wouldn't be happy if DP married me and then turned Into a slob and after telling DP last night he agreed and said he could completely see her husbands point of view and would probably feel the same.

???

I guess the DH can't be blamed for wanting DW to make an effort and at least he has told her. But does seem a bit harsh.

No man has the right to criticise a woman's appearance. It's tantamount to assault. She should leave the bastard.

Maybe she was so upset as she feels bad about herself iykwim and her husband has just highlighted her concerns.

It's tough with a little one - that reaction tells me there's something she is not coping with

As a friend I would find out if you can support her with anything

Do they have children?

If this is genuine then I would wonder why she seems to have lost pride in herself.

It sounds like she is suffering from low self esteem. What has caused this? Is the lack of self-care the symptom rather than the underlying issue.

If he is cruel, could that not be the reason she has lost confidence and is less interested in self care?

Wow- you sound a ermm lovely friend...

Oops I just assumed there were DC!! Either way she isn't coping/happy with something

Is she still attracted to him?

Was there a reason she suddenly stopped doing all this? I am crap at self care (depression, self esteem issues etc) but I do shave etc at least if anyone's going to see. Suddenly putting on weight sounds worrying too. I wonder if she was only keeping up the act so her fiancé would continue being proud of her and still marry her :(

He sounds really shallow. And you do sound bitchy IMO.

What age is she? I think some women have far too high expectations of marriage and once the weddings done, tend to feel let down by the mundaneness of married life.

If he only finds her attractive when she looks a certain way then she should dump him anyway.

She sounds depressed. He sounds completely insensitive. And you sound horrible.

Oh and yabu

It must be devestating for her to find she is married to a shallow, insensitive chauvinist.

YABU.

What is this obsession with women having to be slim, and hair free and perfect hair styled, make up on, looking like we've just stepped oit the fashion pages of a magazine. It really pisses me off.

so long as she is clean I don't see the problem

I only wear make up for special occasions.
I wear clothes i feel comfy in.
I rarely shave my legs or pubic hair.
i am happy in the skin im in, and my wonderful dp reinforces this. He would not dream of telling me otherwise, he loves me for me, and i love him for him.

I used to do all of above but lately i have seen the light ... I have chosen not to bow to these ideals any longer and i am perfectly fine with it ... Shallow people who would look down their noses at me for this cam go get fucked :)

Ps if anyone else enjoys doing the above then that's fine, as long as its their choice, whatever makes them happy.

Its not assault. I suspect she had embellished the tone the story as she is so upset.
I think he needs to tackle a different way.
Fwiw I have seen many women say the same on here and are met with general agreement. However when a man dare say it to a woman its 'assault'.
In all honesty, id dh changed so dramatically over a year I would like it, but would be concerned why.
Is it just because she is now married she doesn't feel the need?

Well it does sound like she is depressed perhaps. But he has been a twat to deal with this way. I don't see why she should have to keep herself trimmed and have to wear make-up all the time if she doesn't want to.

If he married her because she looked a certain way and nothing else I don't see a future for them.

But as I said if she has always been one to make an effort then there may be more going on here than meets the eye. Perhaps him undermining her confidence is having major effects on her mental health.

"she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected."

What utter crap. Her armpits are not neglected, they are what women actually look like. If a man wants a permanently made up woman who's totally smooth, he should get a blow up doll.

If you think she's lost self worth and that her change in grooming habits show that, you should talk to her about how she's feeling. Not about her clothes and waxing habits.

She confided in you and you not only have no sympathy but post in here to bitch about her. Are you actually friends?

I'm sorry but I think it's ok for him to say that. He's married to her and I think too many people think I'm married now I don't have to try anymore.

FFS, because some one don't shave their legs doesn't make them depressed.

There's nothing wrong with having furry legs and armpits, and not wearing makeup.

But if someone goes from wearing makeup every day and always shaving/waxing to never doing it, you would wonder what happened.

I'm not saying she is depressed because she is not shaving her legs....I'm saying a big change in her behaviour and grooming habits may indicate depression.

If she was one way before marriage and completely another way now, I think he has a right to be upset. Everyone has bad days and nobody expects a woman to look as good after years of marriage then they do on their wedding day, but this is a bit different. It's tantamount to fraud.

Too many people think that? How many people would be acceptable in your eyes?

Damn those women, snaring unsuspecting men into marriage with their false eyelashes and shaved pits.

Fraud?

Christ.