To think this is a massive overreaction?

[Justme23]

A friend of mine was in tears last night (at a bloody barbecue of all places) because she is having doubts about her almost one year marriage.

Basically her husband suggested recently that she ahem, trim her pubic hair and start taking care of herself a bit more.

She feels he is completely out of order for asking this, he has also said he is struggling to find her attractive any more, that she has completely let herself go since the wedding.

It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has.
She has put on a lot of weight, no longer wears makeup unless it's a formal do, her hair is never styled and she does tend to live in polo shirts and the same pair of jeans and trainers. She admitted to me not long ago that she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected.

She used to be so well turned out and her husband used to be the first to say how beautiful she was and how proud he was to have her.

Their sex life used to be crazy but now is pretty non existent, she said he isn't interested any more.

Yesterday she (hysterically crying) told me she felt he was being disrespectful, nasty, cruel and evil and that she thinks she wants a divorce...

AIBU for thinking she is being very short sighted.

I certainly wouldn't be happy if DP married me and then turned Into a slob and after telling DP last night he agreed and said he could completely see her husbands point of view and would probably feel the same.

???

Yes, I can see how sympathetic you would be to a friend with depression :(

OP, now you really are talking bollocks.

If you really had a PhD in mental health-care (not sure there is one called that but if you say so) you would know that lots of people hide their depression even from their nearest and dearest. I'm with wordfactory, how could you possibly know your friend's state of mind? If I had a friend whose appearance suddenly deteriorated especially if they had been in chronic pain/had an injury and was hysterically crying over the prospect of divorce, I'd be taking them to a qualified doctor to find out.

OP are you seriously suggesting that this is the way a mental health professional should behave?

I'm suddenly understanding why mental health care is so bad in this country :(

Just because you proffesionally work in mental health it doesn't magically fix your personal life. You won't speak to a friend in the same way as you would a patient so I don't think you could make a diagnosis or not. The people I know who work in mental health would never do this. It would be unprofessional.

Oh for fucks sake. I SAID THE DIRECT OPPOSITE. I actually said exactly the opposite too. Im starting to think whatever I say is wrong.

No I would not behave like that to a patient. This isn't a patient of mine.
The same way I am in no way being the way I would be in work ( and clearly am not going to list my qualifications on a bloody website, I practise within the mental health sector and my qualiifications obviously run along those lines, psychology for example FFS)

I am not treating my friend, I would not be allowed to treat my friend but having been training and practising for almost 20 years I have a good basis of knowledge. We do have in depth conversations when needed but in the same way if I have a split end I don't run to her and would not expect her to style my hair at a moments notice.

Not every conversation I have is as this one, seriously people.

And yes I did tell her to stop crying. Too much wine and hysteria over something that should be dealt with sober and coherently between her and her man ( I did offer to mediate, being such a bitch and all) and not at a family friendly barbecue.

And no I do not act the same way in my personal life as I do professionally. What an absolutely ridiculous statement.

Now you're a psychologist?

I'm more sure than ever Justme is the husband with the 'her husband has OCD and she should be more understanding' gem.
What a load of horse dung

Actually digestives I haven't stated exactly what I do. And I refuse to. Call me what you will. That would the the height of unprofessional.

I find it slightly odd that a group of strangers feel the need to extricate such information.

I have however dealt with addiction to forum websites, that's maybe something to watch out for ;0

At the moment my life revolves around paperwork, chasing paperwork, driving to meeting, collating more paperwork, driving back to my office (one of three in a 30 mile radius) because gone are the days when a lowly file could be left in the boot to spare an extra two hour journey, then possibly I might be able to go home... Being a simple psych would be bliss.

This thread should start "once upon a time", I doubt we'll get a happy ever after.

Well...hope you find time to trim your pubes/do your hair and make up with that busy job, wouldn't want to find yourself kicked to the kerb by your man I'm sure

Everyone has time to take care of themselves. I managed it with a newborn that couldn't sleep, I managed it doing 18-48 hour shifts when I was studying and I'll manage it now thank you.

And I'm awfully saddened you think my life is like fairy tale. Yours must be utterly shit.

I don't know if this is true, but but her husband sounds like a prick, dictating her pubic hair "neatness" in public. What a wanker. He's probably dug at her confidence so much so far that she's given up altogether.

Ahhhh iv posted without reading the whole thread again when will I learn!

trimming pubes is not really 'taking care of yourself' it's a specific request that your friend doesn't feel comfortable with. It upsets her that someone would ask her to do this to make her more atractive to them. Some people don't find this attractive.

Justme the point is 'taking care' is such a loaded way to word it. Glamourising isn't looking after yourself.
Even if you do have time to do this you could be doing things more worthwhile. Why is lookin pretty so important?

If she were my friend, I'd tell her theres plenty more fish in the sea, why spend the rest of your days with a man OCD about fanny hair?

Ooh showing you true colours there op, my life is fine thanks.

Are you completely sure that your doctorate wasn't in creative writing, Justme23?

Perhaps that's the other one, TheCrackFox

Anyhow, something has gone quite wrong in this marriage in year one. This is not about pubic hair (unless the husband does really have OCD in which case, he needs to seek help for that rather than try to control the environment around him i.e. his wife's bush).

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I think you should advise your friend to come on here, OP. AIBU at its worst would show more sympathy than you've done and Relationships will help her to sort the problems in her life.