To think this is a massive overreaction?

[Justme23]

A friend of mine was in tears last night (at a bloody barbecue of all places) because she is having doubts about her almost one year marriage.

Basically her husband suggested recently that she ahem, trim her pubic hair and start taking care of herself a bit more.

She feels he is completely out of order for asking this, he has also said he is struggling to find her attractive any more, that she has completely let herself go since the wedding.

It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has.
She has put on a lot of weight, no longer wears makeup unless it's a formal do, her hair is never styled and she does tend to live in polo shirts and the same pair of jeans and trainers. She admitted to me not long ago that she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected.

She used to be so well turned out and her husband used to be the first to say how beautiful she was and how proud he was to have her.

Their sex life used to be crazy but now is pretty non existent, she said he isn't interested any more.

Yesterday she (hysterically crying) told me she felt he was being disrespectful, nasty, cruel and evil and that she thinks she wants a divorce...

AIBU for thinking she is being very short sighted.

I certainly wouldn't be happy if DP married me and then turned Into a slob and after telling DP last night he agreed and said he could completely see her husbands point of view and would probably feel the same.

???

Apart from the husband issue,does she seem normal in herself.Is she happy cheerful etc,when she is not around him.Or has her whole demeanour changed in the last 12 months.

I think that the op sounds like a pretty shite friend. Sounds like the poor woman would be better off shot of you and her "dear" h.

So this poor woman wears clean comfortable clothing, and can't be bothered to shave her legs/pits/pubes. And she's being derided as being some sort of filthy beast by her "friend" and many on here? Lovely. So women's role is to be some sort of barbie doll, and god forbid we don't have a brazilian

'It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has'

But you do sound like a bitch. Although you possibly don't mean to.

But I think Chum makes a good point. How old are you? Not to sound patronising, but I do think women in their twenties, possibly early thirties, can have a different set of expectations from us old bids, purely due to the media portrayal of women from TOWIE etc.

Sorry
Can't get past
He asked her to trim her pubic hair
Why?

Wtaf has happened to our society.
It's like the fucking 70 s never happened.

Trim your pubic hair... Tell him to trim his fucking pubic hair
Ffs.

Why didn't she wear clean comfortable clothing and not bother shaving her legs/pits/pubes before the wedding, and not just start doing it immediately after?

Fair point trills

Its difficult to know either way if the friend is depressed or simply fed up with trying to maintain standards without actually knowing her personally.

I guess if he was a shallow bastard and married her purely for the way she looked, then he has every right to divorce the slovenly bitch.

Could be all sorts of reasons, ranging from depression, to she can't be arsed with make up anymore, to a feminist awakening, to working long hours at work and exhaustion, to low self-esteem.

From the op it is her who is talking about divorce, not the husband.

Assuming this is true and not a wind up, you sound like a thoroughly unpleasant person and my sympathies lie entirely with your "friend".

Omg I missed this
'her armpits are well and truly neglected'
Isn't there some sort of agency we can report her to?
The Dove Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Female Armpits

She says she's not interested in sex with him anymore - it sounds like she's not very sexually attracted to him at the moment. I wonder if he has any great self-improvement plans to try to fix that?

Probably not, eh. It must be her problem.

I hate, hate, hate this idea that there's a series of tasks that constitute "self-care" and if a woman doesn't do them then she's letting herself go. She doesn't sound very happy and that's a hell of a lot more important than whether she shaves her armpits.

MrsDeVere

How very dare she!

I am 23 and woke up more or less one day and decided 'fuck it, im happy the way I am'

DP don't mind loves me for me, not because I look like a TOWIE extra or Barbie doll.

Just as well, or I may have confided in a friend and she may of bitched about me on the internet and random strangers could have accused me of being fat smelly and dirty and of hoodwinking my DP into a fraudulent relationship with me

I've lost count of the "My DH is a slob and I don;t fancy him any more" threads we've had.

Perhaps she only attended to personal grooming to catch a husband - now she's got one she doesn't need to make any effort.

However, to have that much change in her personality over such a short period of time, I agree, she sounds as if she is down (depression, much over used phrase)

Which 'many women on her' are deriding this woman.
Fact is until op comes back, no one can tell what's going on.
I would be interested to know
Is the dh a known to be a twat?
Has there been other instances where he has reduced his wife to tears?
Is she prone to embellishing details?
Is she prone to having a drama at public events?
Is she happy with her appearance?
Apart from getting married how has the last year been for her?

I would wonder what has happened in the past year for the friend to go from one end of the scale to another in terms of personal care.

I can understand her husbands concerns but he's handled the whole situation terribly if he truly has told his wife these things in the way that it comes across in the OP.

Don't forget
Is the OP a load of made up crap to wind up the grown ups?

I do feel upset in the same way. Before we were married, DH had a fine, small well-trimmed beard. Now he just doesn't bother. His arse has expanded in diameter by almost an inch, and he isn't wearing a suit with a red rose in his buttonhole. He's going bald, too.

Is it fraud? Should I encourage him to wax his meat 'n' veg and polish his toenails?

Seriously, OP, I suspect given your other posts that you are just stirring it.

Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your make-up, soon he will open the door,
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger, you needn't try any more.
For wives should always be lovers too,
Run to his arms the moment that he comes home to you.
I'm warning you,
Day after day, there are girls at the office and the men will always be men,
Don't stand him up, with your hair still in curlers, you may not see him again.
Wives should always be lovers too,
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
He's almost here, hey, little girl, better wear something pretty,
Something you wear to go to the city,
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music, time to get ready for love.
Time to get ready for love, yes it's time to get ready for love...

It's like the last 50 years never happened.

Catch a husband?

CATCH A HUSBAND??

what fucking century is this?

I think this might be a windup.

I think MrsDV might be right.

If it is true, I think the husband might have a point.

I would certainly be pissed off if it had only taken my DH one year to turn from the man I fancied for whatever reason that was into an unrecognisable slob and I don't believe anyone who would say otherwise.

sniggers uncontrollably

Yes Sleeoyhead very true words

sniggers some more

"Perhaps she only attended to personal grooming to catch a husband - now she's got one she doesn't need to make any effort."

Jumping, the 1950s finished 50 odd years ago. You do know that, right?