To think this is a massive overreaction?

[Justme23]

A friend of mine was in tears last night (at a bloody barbecue of all places) because she is having doubts about her almost one year marriage.

Basically her husband suggested recently that she ahem, trim her pubic hair and start taking care of herself a bit more.

She feels he is completely out of order for asking this, he has also said he is struggling to find her attractive any more, that she has completely let herself go since the wedding.

It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has.
She has put on a lot of weight, no longer wears makeup unless it's a formal do, her hair is never styled and she does tend to live in polo shirts and the same pair of jeans and trainers. She admitted to me not long ago that she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected.

She used to be so well turned out and her husband used to be the first to say how beautiful she was and how proud he was to have her.

Their sex life used to be crazy but now is pretty non existent, she said he isn't interested any more.

Yesterday she (hysterically crying) told me she felt he was being disrespectful, nasty, cruel and evil and that she thinks she wants a divorce...

AIBU for thinking she is being very short sighted.

I certainly wouldn't be happy if DP married me and then turned Into a slob and after telling DP last night he agreed and said he could completely see her husbands point of view and would probably feel the same.

???

I think it's really, genuinely sad that so many people equate a woman wearing comfortable clothing and not wearing make up every day with turning into a slob.

So can someone clarify for me, must you always find your partner attractive no matter the changes they make?
What if you partner has a ton of plastic surgery and ends up looking like a toque cast member? Must you still find them attractive, even though you actually don't?
Just want to know for the next time a woman says the same thing the dh has said and starts a thread here

the 1950s finished 50 odd years ago. You do know that, right?

If it were the 1950's, she'd make sure she kept her husband

This thread may well be a wind up (in fact I suspect it is as no-one would advertise their thorough-going nastiness with such alacrity if it wasn't) but it's bringing out some very interesting attitudes.

It is completely unrealisitic to expect a woman to be groomed all the time and I completely support women being true to themselves and not feeling like they cant go out without make-up etc..

It sounds like first of all there might be a reason for her apparent sudden change of appearance? It would hurt for anyone to hear that kind of words from there husbands. As a friend i would be more inclined to be speaking about why this has changed so much instead of claiming she is short sighted etc..

I do see from the husbands point of view if she has changed in such a short time and I think that communication is important in a happy marriage. I think he has gone apart it a rather inappropriate way.

Ultimately he should love her for the way she is.

There is something 'wrong', if her sex drive has disappeared.

The only thing i would add is that is you are a true friend, OP i would have a heart to heart and ask her why there has been such a change. Then take it from there.

I would reconsider my relationship if my DP grew a beard, tbh and i wouldn't be friends with someone who had armpit hair on show, it would knock me sick.

We have the right to set our own standards, he is being honest, if that is the type of partner he wants, then he has that right,likewise she can divorce him, if she doesn't want to go back to how she was when he married her.

chubfuddler I can not agree more

I'd reply to a woman saying the same about a man in exactly the same way. I've actually never seen such a thread - threads about men failing to wash, yes.

Hey OP - is this for an essay/article? Just something about the way your OP was written...

Well, in the 1950s she wouldn't have much of choice. But touche! .

If DH had a ton of plastic surgery I'd be put off by more than his looks afterwards, for starters.

You can't predict what you'll find attractive of how your partner will change. It's really sad if you don't feel attracted to them any more. But that wouldn't excuse saying horrible things to them.

If someone says they're 'proud' of their partner looking well turned-out, they're a bit creepy, IMO. I don't get where pride ought to come into it.

But AGilchrist, lets think about the equivilent in a man.

Really, I'm trying, but apart from putting on a lot of weight - and in a man to have the equivilent throw-up-your-hands-in-horror we're probably talking about a massive beer gut - I can't think of anything apart from BO, athlete's foot, halitosis or other hygiene issues.

Not shaving your pits and wearing uninspiringly comfy clothes isn't quite the same. Note the op doesn't say that her friend's hair is unwashed, just "unstyled" (whatever the fuck that actually means).

Its a bit nasty OP too be calling your friend who has come to you for support a slob? I dont think its being a slob not wearing make-up etc. Being a slob is not washing, wearing dirty clothes..

I've seen plenty of "My Dh is a fat bastard has put on lots of weight and I don't fancy him any more" threads - often over on Relationships.

On image will not leave my head where the OP was discussing how annoying giving him a BJ was coz she kept hitting her head on his stomach. Laughed till I cried over that one

birdsgottafly you wouldn't be friends with someone who had armpit hair?!

Chu. I don't thi k many women do think she is a slob.
its concerning for someone to make such a big change in 12 months. If being exceptionally groomed is something she has always been, yes the change would concern me.
Its not about show attractive she is percieved to be, its the change itself.
A different example would be a man who has always been relaxes about his looks starts going to the gym and taking 'care' in his appearance. According to the majority of mumsnet, it would be a 'red flag' of him having an affair.
Because its the change of the person.

I'd be concerned. The op doesn't sound concerned, she sounds angry that her so called friend isn't keeping up standards. That's completely different.

Spot on, chub.

The OP has some, erm, interesting views about women in general.

Birds I take it you don't have any male friends then. Or is it just vomit inducing on women?

At least, I presume that's what you mean by your use of the peculiar phrase 'knock on sick'.

The op has not returned.

He's supposed to love her in sickness and in health, for better or worse, hairy or bald.

Sadly so do a few regular mners judging by some of the responses. Unless there's a memo I didn't get and everyone's playing wind ups today.

Sounds like the marriage is doomed if it's all based on her appearance.

Big shame really.