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AIBU?

To wonder why the fuck I agreed to visit DH's parents again!

259 replies

HeyNa · 07/08/2012 13:56

We are in Eastern Europe. It is 40C in the day and 35C at night. No wind, no air con. We have 4 Dcs and DH reverts to the ignorant sexist pig that most of his countrymen are aslmost as soon as we arrive in the country!

It is too hot to sit around the in-laws house (they expect me to constantly clean and make chai anyway), we have a 2 year old and we need to go somewhere where there is air con as we had planned, but he has buggered off with his cousins without a word to me. No idea when he will be back. All he does while here is sit on his arse drinking chai and jibber jabbing away with his numerous relatives, leaving all the cleaning, cooking and washing to me. The electricity goes off constantly so it can take all day to do one load of washing.

I can drive but I am terrified of driving here as they drive like maniacs and on the wrong side of the road to boot! The older Dcs have not had lunch as there is nothing in. I feel absolutely trapped and powerless. I do not speak fluently in his language so can't join in with conversations and I can't get a word in edgeways. He has been ignoring me.

I would like to smash DH's teeth in actually. This is not a holiday for me or the DCs. This is our 3rd time here and he promised this would not happen again. At home, he helps a lot and I wear the trousers if you will. I will never come here again. I am even thinking divorce would be a better option. AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2012 14:24

What would happen OP if you had a major meltdown at him when he gets back?

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2012 14:25

And make the tea very badly - hopefully they will do it themselves instead.

Same with the cooking.

shorttermnamechange · 07/08/2012 14:25

So why the fuck are you still there? Honestly, just go and get your stuff together (don't forget the passports), take the kids and go home. All the time you put up with this shit, you are giving him permission to carry on.

Call a cab if you don't feel confident driving.

HeyNa · 07/08/2012 14:25

salmon - he would sulk and then tell his mum who will glare at me for the next 2 weeks!

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2012 14:26

Let him sulk and her glare!!

The big baby.

DontmindifIdo · 07/08/2012 14:26

2 weeks? Get on to the airline, change yours and DCs flights, just do it - it won't cost that much to change them.

Only agree to go again if you book into a hotel. No staying with family - it has to be a holiday.

Actually, what am I saying, I'd never go there again.

DontmindifIdo · 07/08/2012 14:29

You should shout at him when he gets home as well, so what if he sulks - you will be on a plane home soon!

Don't stay for 2 weeks, I can't believe you will have any respect for him ever again if you put up with this for 2 weeks.

schobe · 07/08/2012 14:29

I'd be at that airport with the DCs before you could bloody say chai.

RightBuggerforit · 07/08/2012 14:29

Go home with the dcs, what on earth are you still doing there?! And don't go back.

usualsuspect · 07/08/2012 14:30

Can you go home? sounds like a nightmare.

ScrambledSmegs · 07/08/2012 14:32

Pack your bags, take the kids and leave. Go somewhere nice instead. And definitely consider your options with your 'D'H.

Tbh I thought you were in rural Greece until I saw the 'statue' tradition, which I've never heard of. The vile attitude of some of my former colleagues to women was unbelievable.

SonnySpain · 07/08/2012 14:32

Or book into a nearby hotel and enjoy the last two weeks in luxury!

yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 14:33

Why are you cleaning because it's "expected"? Who gives a fuck if it's "expected"? You'd be waiting a long time for me to clean up after a man because some idiotic family member thinks I should.

I'd be fucking off on the first flight to somewhere with a beach, a swimming pool and a truckload of cocktails.

HeyNa · 07/08/2012 14:33

Er, we drove here. It was supposed to part of the holiday, we stopped off at places on the way and it is extortiate to hire a car here so we took our own. I am going to tell DH that I want to leave at the weekend. I think 10 days with his parents is enough.

I will not even start on about the foam mattress we have to sleep on the floor, the one toilet and shower between 15 people or the flies, hundreds of them all over the food (eurghhhhhhh).

OP posts:

NarkedRaspberry · 07/08/2012 14:33

Pack bags
pack passports
go to airport

NarkedRaspberry · 07/08/2012 14:35

Ah!

Simpler actually.

Pack children and bags and passports into the car and steel yourself to drive. Go! Book yourself into somewhere at least two hours drive away.

yellowraincoat · 07/08/2012 14:35

OP, why wait til the weekend? Go home/go somewhere else and leave him to it.

claudedebussy · 07/08/2012 14:36

i would seriously consider packing bags and booking into local hotel or flying home i really would.

i would probably wait til he got back though.

he's not going to change his behaviour because that would mean losing face in front of his family. not. going. to. happen.

so best option is to piss off yourself.

squeakytoy · 07/08/2012 14:37

Get in the car and drive. It really is not hard once you get going, you just follow the car in front and you very quickly get the hang of driving on that side of the road, honestly.

I was nervous of doing it the first time, but once I set off, I realised that your brain automatically switches into it and you soon gain your confidence.

shesariver · 07/08/2012 14:38

Theres no way on earth I would stay there for another 2 weeks if I was you! You would have more of a holiday in a prisoner of war camp by the sounds of it. Any issues with your DH can be sorted out later.

JennerOSity · 07/08/2012 14:39

Half of the list of complaints you describe would have me on the next flight home OP!

Your DH obviously isn't going to swim against the tide despite any promises to the contrary. If it was me I'd be on my way home - if he doesn't like it tough - ho knows why, and never darken their door again.

If they visit you, make sure they stay in a local hotel not your house.

VictoriaBitter · 07/08/2012 14:39

Oh my goodness OP - you are a saint for putting up with this! You poor thing. And your poor DCs. What a miserable situation .

Do you have any money? Is there an airport nearby? If so - leave.

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shesariver · 07/08/2012 14:40

What country do you stay in heyna?

HeyNa · 07/08/2012 14:40

I really am not being unreasonable am I?

The 1st year we came, we had 2 year old twins and he made me feel like I was being pathetic as I complained about the electricity going off all the time when I was bathing them (electricty pumped the water to the bath and toilet - could not even flush the loo for hours - can you imaginee!)or trying to wash the clothes. He says his mum brought up 7 DCs like this so what is my problem. Dickhead!

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 07/08/2012 14:40

Tell him you want to leave tomorrow. You will leave with the DCs from the nearest airport and he'll have to work out how to pay for that, or you can leave in the car as a family - and that if he wanted to stay the full time he should have kept his promise to make it better this time.

Also make it clear you are never going again, because you can't believe him that he'll treat you well.

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