To wonder why the fuck I agreed to visit DH's parents again!

[HeyNa]

We are in Eastern Europe. It is 40C in the day and 35C at night. No wind, no air con. We have 4 Dcs and DH reverts to the ignorant sexist pig that most of his countrymen are aslmost as soon as we arrive in the country!

It is too hot to sit around the in-laws house (they expect me to constantly clean and make chai anyway), we have a 2 year old and we need to go somewhere where there is air con as we had planned, but he has buggered off with his cousins without a word to me. No idea when he will be back. All he does while here is sit on his arse drinking chai and jibber jabbing away with his numerous relatives, leaving all the cleaning, cooking and washing to me. The electricity goes off constantly so it can take all day to do one load of washing.

I can drive but I am terrified of driving here as they drive like maniacs and on the wrong side of the road to boot! The older Dcs have not had lunch as there is nothing in. I feel absolutely trapped and powerless. I do not speak fluently in his language so can't join in with conversations and I can't get a word in edgeways. He has been ignoring me.

I would like to smash DH's teeth in actually. This is not a holiday for me or the DCs. This is our 3rd time here and he promised this would not happen again. At home, he helps a lot and I wear the trousers if you will. I will never come here again. I am even thinking divorce would be a better option. AIBU?

[RichTeas]

Where is this place HeyNa? Why are you being so coy? Eastern Europe. South. Is it Croatia?

[JennerOSity]

YANBU!

His mum may well have done - bet she didn't have a choice though!

Would he have done it? No. Thought not.

[squoosh]

Ignoring you? Leaving you to cook and clean?

I'd clear off, leaving a note. That'll really give them something to chatter about over their chai.

Next time he suggests a trip back to his homeland tell him to go by himself.

[yellowraincoat]

I would put money on this being Albania. The level of sexism and racism there is grim.

[shesariver]

If you live in the UK, did you mean you drove all the way to Eastern Europe? If you have access to funds for petrol or flights go now!

[squoosh]

Actually rather than fly home see if you and the kids can get a nice week's holiday while you're there. Far away from his family.

[DontmindifIdo]

If he refuses to leave, make sure you go anyway, get to the airport and sort flights. If you can't do that for any reason, find out where the nearest british consulate is, they will help you get home (although they will expect you to pay for the flights, they will at least do the organising for you - if you explain that your 'D'H left you with no food and no electricity with 4 DCs they'll help)

[AKMD]

Yes to above suggestion. Either you leave tomorrow with DCs on a plane or as a family in the car on Thursday. Go not ever go back. Take DCs camping/somewhere nice so their entire summer holiday hasn't been ruined.

[HeyNa]

yellowraincoat - applause. He has just come back with ice creams for the DCs [hmmm]. They went to visit a neighbour apparently. Fucking fine.

[AKMD]

And his preferred option is?

[squoosh]

What's he like when he's in the UK? Is he generally a non-sexist, ok type of person?

[DontmindifIdo]

Have you told him it's time to leave? Give him the choice, you can agree to leave quietly as a family tomorrow, or you can have a massive row, then you'll walk out and take the DCs home tomorrow, and you will spent the next two weeks until he comes home deciding if you want to stay married to him. Honestly, time to toughen up.

[pinkhalf]

Leave. Are you waiting for him to stop being an arse? It won't happen.

[JennerOSity]

OP please come back and tell us you are packing to go!

I am having heebyjeebies just thinking about the crap you are being expected to put up with happily!

It is lovely in UK just now - warm and fine but not hot. Come home and have picnics in the park. So much nicer.

You need to be able to recharge your batteries when you are setting up a business! :)

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

YANBU and I don't know why you haven't gone home already.

If he wants a holiday at his parents' again, you're well within your rights to tell him the MN classic: 'Fuck off to the far side of fuck'. You're supposed to have a holiday too.

YABU to use the phrase 'jibber-jabbering' though. They're not jibber-jabbering, they're just speaking another language.

[Shellywelly1973]

I have Albanian friends.

I actually thought the husband was joking or winding me up when I first met them!!

The sexism/racism is just the way it is...

My friend has never stood in my house, i go to their house. She has never been 'allowed' to have a job!! Im her only English friend thats because her husband approves of me.

They are in Albania now, shes 7 months pregnant in that sort of heat!!

Its a different world...

Good luck Op, at least you have mumsnet to keep you sane!!!

[JennerOSity]

Shellywelly I was sat in my knickers yesterday (not in public I hasten to add feeling sweaty (30 weeks pregnant) - I cannot imagine coping in that heat. Your poor friend!

[LittleBugsMum]

Haha, it's making me laugh, how pissed off with him you are.

I do this, hate my DHs guts for the whole time we're visiting his parents. Then I forget how horrid it was, feel sorry for them because they miss the DC, make DH promise this and that then go again! And it's just as horrid. (but nowhere near as grim as it sounds for you)

I'm rooting for you to come home but I bet you don't. Rant here for 2 weeks instead, it'll make you feel better.

You may have no food or electricity but hey, at least you've got an internet connection...

[NovackNGood]

Why are you married to an Albanian and assuming he is the father of the children and have made no effort to to learn the language? You'd enjoy your hols much more if you were chatting with everyone too.

[poopnscoop]

She's not allowed to chat. She must clean and make chai.

[NovackNGood]

I am asking the OP.

[lolaflores]

Yeah, not impressed with the jibber jabber comment.
My eldest daughters father is spanish.
We met here, we went to live in the canaries and then had DD1. Not too disimilar but he would disappear for fucking hoursssss and I was left amid a swirling mass of people with whom I could not communicate.
I learned Spanish because needs must. We did split in the end as he changed once DD was born. Me man you wife and mother, no out.
So, fuck that thought I.

[WorraLiberty]

Go out and have some fun!

Take the kids somewhere for the day and fuck the lot of them

People can only wipe their feet on you if you lie down and allow it.

[PatronSaintOfDucks]

OP, can you use your limited language capacity to conspire with your SILs to down tools and escape somewhere? Does one of them drive?

[squoosh]

I don't think the language barrier is the number one problem here.