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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want exp to take the kids on holiday abroad?

239 replies

hotsauce · 04/08/2012 01:06

we split up 8 years ago and he has never taken them on holiday.

this summer holiday he has offered to have them one extra day, that's it. he couldn't spare anymore time off work. he then announced he was going away with his girlfriend.

I pointed out that he was a selfish knob and since then he has asked several times if the kids have passports.

I don't trust him to look after them properly abroad, he can't swim and won't get in the water, how can he supervise 4 of them?

part of me thinks he is just trying to make a grand gesture and upset me.I could never afford to take the kids abroad, but I have spent years holidaying with them in this country, why does he get to give them the holiday that I can't.

I also panic about long journeys and like us to all be together. if the plane is going to crash, I want to be on it with them.

so am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 04/08/2012 01:08

Yes you are

Your post is all me me me

Your dc would love time with their dad on holiday

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:10

YANBU but he wont take them so it doesnt matter either way tbh.

He knows you will say no, so then he gets to tell people (and them) that he wanted to take them abroad but you wouldnt let him because you are jealous/controlling/a bitch/whatever

Tell him that you can arrange passports if he gives you the £200 it will cost and see what he says. Bet he suddenly goes off the idea......

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:11

Your post is all me me me

Yeah, that bit about him not being able to swim is really selfish Hmm

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:14

Yes you are I'm afraid. You are also jealous.

Look at it from your children's point of view... What would they want? Holiday abroad with their father or finding out you wouldn't let them go?

I am currently on holiday abroad with my three children whilst XH is 4000 iles away back in the UK. If he had tried to stop me I would have told him to fuck off.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:15

Yes, because being able to swim is really a key thing isn't it? Hmm

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:16

OTOH, if they don't have passports you haven't got an ice cube's chance in hell of getting them in time now.

TheSoloPelvicFloorGoldMedalist · 04/08/2012 01:16

YADNBU IMO. My Dd's father asked me if I'd be willing to take Dd (5) out to visit him in the UAE. I didn't bother answering him. Why oh why would I want to take my blond haired, blue eyed beauty out to a country where I would have no rights as a woman or a mother?

Bloody men.

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:18

Well yes, if you have 4 kids who want to go in a pool or sea and you wont supervise them properly because you refuse to go in the water, I would say it really is pretty fucking important actually!

Olympia2012 · 04/08/2012 01:18

How old ate the dc?

Maybe the new partner can swim bogeyface. Who knows???

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:18

That's not the same thing at all is it?

Olympia2012 · 04/08/2012 01:18

*are

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:19

That was to solopelvicfloor BTW

TheSoloPelvicFloorGoldMedalist · 04/08/2012 01:21

No. But OP's still NBU.

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:21

I would have thought the OP would have mentioned it if she knew that was the case, and anyway it isnt the GF's job to be responsible for their safety is it? A man who can only spare one extra day for his kids but time for a holiday for his GF isnt going for father of the year so I wouldnt trust him in that situation either.

My kids are currently away with their dad on holiday (well travelling tomorrow), as I trust him, but based on what has been posted, I wouldnt trust this guy.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:22

You don't need to be in the water to supervise children.

The OP split from their father 8 years ago. I assume therefore that the youngest is at least 7.

Original poster
hotsauce · 04/08/2012 01:22

it is for the kids, they will want to swim or be in the water, only 2 of them can swim and he won't get in with them. I think that's a valid concern.

I suppose it probably does sound like sour grapes. and to a certain extent I qm pissed off that he has never bothered to take them away before and that this summer he has chosen not to spend anytime with them at all.

OP posts:
bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:23

True, but you do need to be in there to stop them from drowning, something he will not and cannot do.

Your idea of safety is very different to mine!

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:24

So, should my XH have been able to stop me taking my 6mth old baby and 5 & 7 yr old children away, long haul? He did suggest I didn't take them and I did indeed tell him where he could shove his ideas. That was 6 years ago and he hasn't questioned my ability since.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2012 01:25

My idea of safety may be different but that doesn't mean it is wrong and yours is right.

Olympia2012 · 04/08/2012 01:25

That remark about the aeroplane is ridiculous!

Original poster
hotsauce · 04/08/2012 01:26

I have no idea if the gf would go, he is talking about next year, he doesn't feel guilty enough to change his plans for this year.

OP posts:
bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:26

If he had valid concerns about your ability to take care of them properly in that situation then yes, he should have taken it further. Given that he didnt, we can assume that it was a general worry that all parents have, rather than specific concerns about your ability to keep them safe.

bogeyface · 04/08/2012 01:26

Well my kids wont drown, so I'll stick with mine thanks!

Kayano · 04/08/2012 01:28

Yabu

He is their DAD. It's not all about you. What if you could afford a holiday and he objected to you taking them for some daft reason? You would tell him to get list I bet

Olympia2012 · 04/08/2012 01:28

So plenty of time to organise passports op!Grin

And swimming lessons for the non swimming dc... How old are they again?