to not want exp to take the kids on holiday abroad?

[hotsauce]

we split up 8 years ago and he has never taken them on holiday.

this summer holiday he has offered to have them one extra day, that's it. he couldn't spare anymore time off work. he then announced he was going away with his girlfriend.

I pointed out that he was a selfish knob and since then he has asked several times if the kids have passports.

I don't trust him to look after them properly abroad, he can't swim and won't get in the water, how can he supervise 4 of them?

part of me thinks he is just trying to make a grand gesture and upset me.I could never afford to take the kids abroad, but I have spent years holidaying with them in this country, why does he get to give them the holiday that I can't.

I also panic about long journeys and like us to all be together. if the plane is going to crash, I want to be on it with them.

so am I unreasonable?

Oh he probably thinks he's a saint to put up with them for as long as he does and that it's reasonable to dump them on the OP when he can't cope. I think actions speak louder than words.

I would also love to hear the exp and his reasons for not taking his kids on holiday for 8 years before he thought of this holiday. Or why he's happy with only EOW when at least one of his kids has shown distress and hurt at not seeing him more than that. It would indeed be interesting to hear from him on this too.

He probably wouldn't turn up.

Why, oh why, is the OP encouraging her irresponsible ex to have more contact with their DCs and criticising him for not pulling his weight or taking them on holiday in the past if he is as irresponsible and incapable as he has been concluded to be.

On the basis of this thread, if court action is to be taken, it should be for supervised contact only with the DCs Dad, not just about an overseas trip.

But the OP says she does not fear for her DCs safety in their Dads care - Although she worries about his ability to cope.

I worried about my own ability to cope when I brought a newborn home - and these are much older children.

It is easy in these situations to create a scenario in your mind that justifies your own emotions; I know I've done it - but the bottom line is that no matter how she feels about it, the OP cannot, legally (or imo morally) stop her DCs dad taking them on holiday based on the concerns she has shared here - and given the age of the DCs, their views would carry a great deal of weight in court should it get that far.

Gordon Bennett! Where does the hysteria come from that leads us to talking about court action?? That has never been indicated or even suggested by the OP.

I think she would do well to encourage him to have more contact so that his parenting skills can develop to the point where he doesn't chuck them out at her house whenever their behaviour means he can't cope. I think the main issue is that he doesn't see them often enough to develop the skills to deal with challenging behaviour and is so lacking in such skills that he delivers them back to the OP when he can't cope. So if he were to have more contact on a regular basis, he would develop the ability to deal with difficult and challenging children (with which the OP has to deal on a daily basis) and the OP would presumably then be very happy for her dc to go on holiday with him.

Gordon Bennett indeed! Can't believe this is still rumbling on and arousing such passion. I think the OP has very sensibly left the building!

i can understand where you are coming from

he needs to show he can be responsible here before he takes them away and that is responsible for his actions

if he is not really willing to take more responsibility here i am quite sure this holiday will not come about shame because it would be wonderful for your children

As their Dad, he doesn't need to show/prove anything to the OP though.

The competence and capability of a parent is automatically assumed by society - and the OP's evidence otherwise is minimal - and comes across as somewhat hysterical and irrational.

She can of course, chose to restrict her DCs relationship with their Dad in any way she wants to - but there are consequences to those choices both in terms of her relationship with her DCs, their relationship with their Dad, and if he chooses to, legal ramifications as well.

If the OP was looking for validation of her feelings in order to justify her acting on them, i don't think she's got it!

Are you serious?? That just because someone is a dad he doesn't have to prove anything? Good grief.

I agree with NotaDisneyMum. There are lots of families with both parents who are irresponsible, who can go on holiday without a test of competence! Unless OP can prove that he isn't fit ,it isn't up to her.

Who does he prove it to,OfMiceandCats? Does OP have to prove everything she does to him?

Parents don't have to prove anything unless there is serious concern with SS.