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Original poster

To be worried about DS after he had unprotected sex

176 replies

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:39

I am worried about DS. He went to a party and had unprotected sex with a girl. He came back and told us in his drunken state.

He knows all about condoms but said he didn't have one and wanted to get his first time over with. He says she wasn't a virgin and neither of them had any protection

He says she is on the pill but is worried she could have got pregnant or given him an sti. I rung sti clinic and they said wait 7 days before coming to be checked.

He now wants to text her to ask her if she remembered to take her pill but doesn't know how to phrase it. Any suggestions? I told him not to text as it will be rude but he is insisting.

Getting over the fact he was so bloody stupid, any helpful suggestions on what he could say? Will also put this in teenagers!

OP posts:
schmee · 30/07/2012 20:43

How good that he felt able to confide in you (even if drunk at the time). And what a good mum you are supporting him in this. It will be good for him to get himself checked out and I think he is unlikely to have picked up anything that antibiotics, etc can't sort out.

How well does he know the girl? I would suggest that he texts her to check that she is ok, and asks perhaps whether she would like him to come with her to get and pay for the morning after pill (he can feign memory loss that she told him she was on the pill).

HecateHarshPants · 30/07/2012 20:45

How to phrase 'have you taken the morning after pill' in a text? God only knows. However he puts it, she is going to know exactly what he is saying! He should probably start with how are you? the other night was great, etc etc.

But, tbh - if he's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to pick up the phone and talk about it! If he isn't mature enough to have a conversation about it, then he shouldn't be doing it!

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:46

He only met her that once at the party of her best friend ( also his friend). He has got her mobile number off the mutual friend.

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 30/07/2012 20:46

I really really hope my boys talk to me the way your son does with you.

Let him text her, he needs to. Im glad hes worrying, it signifies that he'll most likely not make this mistake again. And tell him to buy some condoms and put them in his wallet.

ciderpenguin · 30/07/2012 20:47

Think he should speak to her directly, apologise for not having/using a condom and ask if she's gone for the morning after pill or if she'd like him to come with her.

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:48

I agree Hectate, I've told him off for being so stupid but he's asked me to help compose his text and I don't have any suggestions he is willing to use!

OP posts:
eurochick · 30/07/2012 20:48

It's not taking the Pill today that matters necessarily. If she forgot it pre-ov and ovulated taking it afterwards wouldn't do anything!

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2012 20:48

I think texting would be OK - they're an age where it's completely normal. He could say, "Sobered up now and worried because we didn't use a condom. You said you were on the pill - are you sure you took it? Worrying here!"

strugglingwiththepreteenbit · 30/07/2012 20:51

No, you're not unreasonable to be worried. I'm impressed he told you, even if he was drunk. I like schmee's idea of offering to give her some moral support/coughing up for the morning after pill.
I'm sure it will be an experience he'll learn from. Just get him to put a condom in his wallet for next time.

McHappyPants2012 · 30/07/2012 20:54

dont text her nothing, i would be pissed right off if i had sex with someone and they text the next day wondering if i had taken the MAP or on the pill it would make me feel rather cheap.

Tbh if she is not pregnant and he hasn't got a STI he should thank his lucky stars.

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:55

She's travelled home today. He says she is from Canterbury which is about 4 hours from us so him offering to go with her may be tricky.

Btw, this happened Saturday night so morning after pill may be ineffectual now anyway! She is taking the 'normal pill' as DS puts it.

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 30/07/2012 20:56

How old are the pair in question?

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:59

18 and 19, both at different Universitities. Unlikely to see each other again!

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 30/07/2012 21:14

he could phone her - he needs to be nice to her - she may not have 'been a virgin' but she is a human being

it's great that he talks to you and good that he wants to protect himself in retrospect but if she was worth 'getting it over with' she deserves to be spoken to not texted

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 21:25

Not much he can do about it if she's a couple of hundred miles away now, I think ImperialBlether's suggestion for a text is a good one. Let's hope she's responsible too.
But get him sorted out with an STD clinic number and tell him to always carry a couple of condoms on him if he's up for casual sex.

carabos · 30/07/2012 21:26

I think all he can do is get tested for a STI and tell the girl he has done that for both of their protection and that he will let her know the outcome.

As its too late for MAP all he can do is wait.

schmee · 30/07/2012 21:31

I don't think he needs to tell her he is being testing for an STI. Unless he discovers he has one. That will really make her feel like rubbish.

TheSurgeonsMate · 30/07/2012 21:33

It isn't too late, is it? I thin 72 hours gives until tommorrow to take it?

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 21:35

He isn't telling her he's being tested as its only because of her. He was a virgin so he tells me and clean as it were so could have only picked up things from her. Apparently she was coming onto him all evening and she was the one who initicated it so any feeling rubbish would be an sti se had given him not him to her!

I highly doubt he'll have casual sex again. He has said he regrets it massively and is never doing anything like it again so at least he has learnt his lesson.

OP posts:
Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 21:37

He has text her and she replied saying she it the morning after pill on Sunday. Although he is worried the MAP is not available on Sunday's and she might be lying. I have no idea where one might access such a pill so am not very helpful in advising him!

OP posts:
TheSurgeonsMate · 30/07/2012 21:38

If she can't be trusted she can't be trusted. Not much you can do about that.

squeakytoy · 30/07/2012 21:39

superdrug is open on a sunday, they sell it

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 21:40

He can only take her word for it so he'll have to trust as as he has no other option.

I've given him the details of a local GUM clinic and told him to go next week ( they told me he had to wait 7 days)

OP posts:
TheonlyWayisGerard · 30/07/2012 21:40

You can buy it from Boots, or get it at A and E. Some walk-in centres are open Sundays too. Some Boots stores also supply it for free. Just a word of warning though, DD is a result of a failed morning after pill!

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 21:41

Him texting her is not gonna make any difference if she's pregnant or not.
He should be talking to her if he's had sex with her. Make sure she doesn't feel completely used