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Original poster

To be worried about DS after he had unprotected sex

176 replies

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:39

I am worried about DS. He went to a party and had unprotected sex with a girl. He came back and told us in his drunken state.

He knows all about condoms but said he didn't have one and wanted to get his first time over with. He says she wasn't a virgin and neither of them had any protection

He says she is on the pill but is worried she could have got pregnant or given him an sti. I rung sti clinic and they said wait 7 days before coming to be checked.

He now wants to text her to ask her if she remembered to take her pill but doesn't know how to phrase it. Any suggestions? I told him not to text as it will be rude but he is insisting.

Getting over the fact he was so bloody stupid, any helpful suggestions on what he could say? Will also put this in teenagers!

OP posts:
Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 22:52

Devora - I have not meant to say anything dodgy about the girl at all. The 'used' comment was not meant in that way, someone suggested my son had used her and I said if anything it was the other way round and she used him so to speak. And him doubting the validity of her text was just because he doesn't know her etc, not suggesting she is a liar!

I can't think of anything else that I've said that might have been defamatory But I apologise if it came across in this way.

OP posts:
Krumbum · 30/07/2012 22:53

They may see themselves as equal but they are not treated that way. Being complacent and saying 'we are equal now' holds us back. Gotta keep aiming for more.
Marriedinwhite. So you got a job. But women do still have much less freedom than men. And why does bring a mother mean you have to become subservient Confused?

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 22:56

I did write a few pages back that they were both as much to blame and no I don't think he was seduced!! And although others on the thread have mentioned the word 'hussy', I never once accused her of this or used the word.

They were two teenagers, drunk and had sex. Both equally to blame! Not blaming her for anything!

OP posts:
lovebunny · 30/07/2012 22:56

he should certainly get himself checked out and be more sensible in future.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 30/07/2012 22:58

Okay then Smile

TBH i agree i would be a bit suspicious of the pill situation, Because she's contradicted herself. I would be asking for clarification on that point if i were him.

Heleninahandcart · 30/07/2012 22:59

"The two things you always take care of, where you put your cock and where you put your signature"

Old Greek saying and great advice for any young man.

Gibbous · 30/07/2012 23:00

What a sexist load of claptrap Marriedinwhite.

Maybe they were yanno, both enjoying it and both stupid rather than him being "nice" and her being "manipulative". Sheesh.

Back to the OP, I also want to know why the need for the MAP (which is extremely easy to get at any time btw, from pharmacies, out of hours doctors, walk in centres, even A&E) if she's already on the pill?

Has he got confused or is she using it as extra precaution because she was late taking the regular pill?

Gibbous · 30/07/2012 23:01

both stupid, emphasis wrong.

lastnerve · 30/07/2012 23:05

He's not a little boy. You are treating him as such. Let him face the consequences of his own actions.

^ this, he's 18 it seems like he wants you to deal with this for him.

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 23:08

He only asked for advice on the text. :)

I rung the GUM clinic without him knowing, as I shall be insisting he goes. If that means I am babying him then I can live with that. Just because he's 18, it doesn't mean I love him any less or will say 'sorry mate you're 18 now, deal with it on your own!'

And I am setting example for younger dc too, that actions have consequences and part of the consequences involve getting screened for STIs after DS was so bloody stupid!

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 30/07/2012 23:09

I didn't say being a mother meant a woman had to become subserviant. I said that was what was expected more than 50 years ago. I was raised that way and didn't become subserviant, there is less reason than ever for girls/women to allow themselves to be subserviant now. I got a job, yes, a very successful one in the City. I gave it up because it was my capital that meant I could take that choice. When I was ready I went back to work and got professional qualifications. What is there about subserviance in that please?

Heleninahandcart · 30/07/2012 23:14

OP if my DS came home with the same story, of course I would expect him to face the consequences of his actions.

Right after I had done everything I could to protect him Blush.

noddyholder · 30/07/2012 23:14

Lavender my ds is 18 and I would do the same

Original poster
lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 23:16

Thanks Helen and Noddy!

OP posts:
HypatiaTheProcrastinator · 30/07/2012 23:17

As the mother of a toddler conceived while at university, being drunk and actually using a condom, I don't blame her taking the MAP as well as the pill! And don't they say 1 in 8 people aged 16-25 or something have chlamydia and most don't realise? I think your son is very sensible knowing he needs to check himself out. I'd be slipping a condom into his wallet whether or not it's babying him. Grin

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 23:20

You said you leant how to nod and say yes Hmm
Women have made advances in terms of work (although they are still paid significantly less). But sexually things are worse in many ways since the rise of raunch culture.
I think it's wrong to victim blame so I don't blame women who are plagued with insecurities. I want to use media and politics to change the attitudes that mean women are coerced into acting like porn stars and their sexuality being based on the wants of men.

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2012 23:20

She encouraged him and led him on. He sounds a very nice boy. She needs to take responsibility for her easy going nature, she may well have slept with more lads than your son during this conception window.
What the hell are you on about, Marriedinwhite? And all this followed up with a load of bollocks about being expected to be subservient 50 years ago?????
It's like trying to read a novel with half the pages torn out. Confused

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 23:26

Ffs marriedinwhite just read that nasty misogynistic post you wrote before pretending your all over equality!
Of course if she were pregnant he would have to support her! You run the risk of pregnancy by having penetrative sex! How is it being 'moral' to expect a man to raise his own child?

GhouliaYelps · 30/07/2012 23:30

Married your posts are disjointed and sexist nonsense.
You basically are painting this girl out to be a tramp who is potentially sleeping with many men and looking to pin a PG on a nice, virgin boy... Yawn

OP he says he was a gullible virgin seduced by an experienced woman. Don't believe everything he says it's v unlikely to be that scenario. Much more likely they were mutually enjoying the moment and got carried away.

marriedinwhite · 30/07/2012 23:31

Smile and nod at the bloody school gate to avoid the mega bitching from other women. Smile and nod, smile and nod. Don't you do it every bloody day in r/l just like everyone else.

Novel my arse. Women need to decide what they want, what they need to do to get it, have the determination to follow through, and to say no. FGS my mother told me to say no unless I wanted to years ago, as did her mother to her (and she said yes) and her mother before her. The only thing that stops women is themselves and usually pressures from other women. Men don't coerce women into behaving like porn stars they allow themselves to be coerced by the public images of highly paid women in the media who are prepared to manipulate their sexuality rather than their brains for capital gain. Think catwalk, think Victoria Beckham, think Madonna. Women want to be like them.

Back to the OP - your ds had a one night stand. It took two to tango. The girl wasn't a virgin. Sort your son out. Let the girl's mother sort her out if necessary. Hopefully next time both will be a little more mature.

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 23:39

Hahaha!
You think that's women contrilling that? No it's men who are the agents, the editors, the directors etc. The men making shedloads.
Raunch culture is fuelled by pornography which is almost entirely run by men.
Yes ofc you can say no but seeing as rape is almost legal in this country there is always a sense of fear. And your mothers and you could say no buy it was actually legal for a man to rape his wife until 1993 so it wouldn't necessarily do much. We don't have these freedoms just by pretending we do: Denying the power patriarchy has is damaging to all of us. But I imagine it is because you are illinformed.

lastnerve · 30/07/2012 23:56

Oh dear god what do this have to do with rape? this thread I mean

I've seen it posted twice can we stay on the topic at hand rather than 'rapist behind a tree' hysteria taking over.

And lay off the girl too, why on earth would people assume so many young girls want to get pregnant, ' can't drink, horrendous MS and stretch marks yes please ! Hmm I doubt it.

Gibbous · 30/07/2012 23:58

Marriedinwhite, that wasn't the post I was questioning. To avoid such confusion I quoted the bits that were sexist claptrap.

And sorry they are. Straight out of the 1950s when the perception
of boys who shagged was untarnished but the opposite was true of girls.

Gibbous · 31/07/2012 00:02

And that post about bitchiness was uber hypocritical btw.

SardineQueen · 31/07/2012 09:46

"FGS my mother told me to say no unless I wanted to years ago, as did her mother to her (and she said yes) and her mother before her. The only thing that stops women is themselves and usually pressures from other women. Men don't coerce women into behaving like porn stars "

There is plenty of evidence that girls are coerced sexually by boys and men, actually I am sure some of that coercion / much of it will involve performing acts seen in porn films.

There have been some recent high profile cases involving girls being sexually coerced and worse by groups of men all around the UK. Maybe you could try googling them and have a read.

Also look into the situation for girls in care in the UK, where being subject to sexual coercion is rife. There were two girls recently who committed suicide together, maybe you could google that case and have a read.

Or possibly your view is they should all just have said no.

Hmmmmmm.

I mean this "Men don't coerce women into behaving like porn stars" is just such a preposterous statement. Where do you think porn stars come from? DUH!!!