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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about DS after he had unprotected sex

176 replies

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 20:39

I am worried about DS. He went to a party and had unprotected sex with a girl. He came back and told us in his drunken state.

He knows all about condoms but said he didn't have one and wanted to get his first time over with. He says she wasn't a virgin and neither of them had any protection

He says she is on the pill but is worried she could have got pregnant or given him an sti. I rung sti clinic and they said wait 7 days before coming to be checked.

He now wants to text her to ask her if she remembered to take her pill but doesn't know how to phrase it. Any suggestions? I told him not to text as it will be rude but he is insisting.

Getting over the fact he was so bloody stupid, any helpful suggestions on what he could say? Will also put this in teenagers!

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 30/07/2012 21:41

I expect a visit to the STI clinic will an experience to put him off casual sex...

Good on him for telling you about his situation, though. A text saying something like Imperial sounds about right?

Original poster

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 21:44

krumbum ( where has the mum from the end gone or is that a different poster )

He says he feels used by her as she seduced him! So don't think she'll be feeling used!

OP posts:

MigGril · 30/07/2012 21:44

you can get the morning after pill from emergency out of hours gp or some pharmacy so it is possible she took it Sunday.

McHappyPants2012 · 30/07/2012 21:44

you can get the MAP in boots and any supermarket that has a pharmacy.

marriedinwhite · 30/07/2012 21:48

No I wouldn't encourage him to text her. She encouraged him and led him on. He sounds a very nice boy and it takes two to tango. She sounds like the more experienced of the two and needs to learn to take resposibility for her easy going nature. She may well have slept with more lads than your son during this conception window and I wouldn't go begging for her to latch onto potential maintenance. I know that sounds harsh and I'm sorry. Hopefully he has learnt a lesson and will use a condom in future or have sex in a stable relationship with a girl he knows well.

No young person should end up suffering from the stupidity of a one night stand but I don't think I'm moral enough to encourage my ds to take responsibility for a possible unborn child that might not be his.

Get him to the GUM clinic and let them embed into him the sense you have already clearly instilled.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 21:50

Seriously, party kit. Clean underwear, travelling toothbrush, wetwipes and CONDOMS. It is unlikely to be the last time this happens in his life.

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 21:50

Yeah alright. So if a girl is the one that chooses to initiate thats him being used
If he doesnt contact her she will feel like shit. She's a young girl growing up in a sexist society. Most of her self esteem will be based on if men like her. It's sad, but true.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 21:52

Why can't it have been a mutual bad idea Krumbum? They used each other, or they both made the same mistake.

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 22:09

The lack of contraception is his fault, he didn't wear a condom. It takes a hell of a lot of courage for a young girl to tell a man she won't have sex without a condom.

TheSurgeonsMate · 30/07/2012 22:12

What?

Selks · 30/07/2012 22:13

Morning after pill is available from any dispensing chemist, so its entirely feasible that she could have got hold of it on a sunday - some chemists are open then. I can't think why she'd lie about that, so I'd try not to worry. Not much else you can do on that score anyway.

Original poster

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 22:13

Krumbum - he says he said to her there was no condom so they couldn't and she told him they didN't need one as she was on the pill!!

OP posts:

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 22:14

Please don't call her a girl, she's a woman. A more experienced woman than her one night stand, and yes, he should have had condoms with him.
By denying her the right to choose to have sex at a party, you are infantalising her and that isn't fair to either of them.
It was a bad decision, which the OP's son has said he never intends to make again.
Perhaps she's saying the same thing to her mother.

GrannyRat · 30/07/2012 22:17

Eh, Krumbum? You're joking, right?

mynewpassion · 30/07/2012 22:18

Your son is not blameless. He could've stopped but he didn't. She didn't rape him.

Both were equally at fault. If I were him, I would make sure there's not a child in three months time.

marriedinwhite · 30/07/2012 22:19

She wasn't denied the right to have sex at a party. He said he didn't have a condom, she said it was OK, she was on the pill. If she wasn't she lied. It doesn't take courage to say no, it takes common sense. I did it enough times to know.

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2012 22:20

God, he needs to grow up . He texted instead of just talking to her, thinks she lied about MAP (why would she? ) and is now claiming she seduced him and he feels used?
Tell him to keep it in his trousers until he's a little more mature.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 22:20

'It doesn't take courage to say no, it takes common sense. I did it enough times to know.'

I just took my partypack with me.

Original poster

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 22:20

Oh goodness yes I totally agree with you mynewpassion. They were both equally at fault and he was up for it when she offered it or he wouldn't have done it. Silly boy.

OP posts:

AThingInYourLife · 30/07/2012 22:21

Why would you take the MAP if you are on the pill?

pushmepullyou · 30/07/2012 22:22

They are two university students and consenting adults. They had sex, yes, he should have used a condom, but these things do happen when you're young and learning and it sounds like he'll definitely know better next time.

Yes, it's a good idea to get checked for STIs, but he's fairly unlikely to have caught anything. Having been an 18/19 yr old student myself I think it's most likely that the girl is fairly well motivated to not be pregnant and if she says she's taken the morning after pill there's no reason to think she's lying The MAP is available from supermarkets.

FallenCaryatid · 30/07/2012 22:22

The pill isn't foolproof, so perhaps she's being extra careful after the event.
Or she wasn't on the pill.

StuntGirl · 30/07/2012 22:23

Of course she could have got the morning after pill on a Sunday. ANY chemist will sell it, so long as it isn't against the pharmacist on duty's beliefs. Even if it's against their beliefs they have to tell you contact details of somewhere else nearby to get it from.

Original poster

lavenderfields · 30/07/2012 22:23

I think that's why he is questioning it Athing as she told him she was on the pill and then when he text said she took the MAP.

Anyhow, whats done is done and he just has to hope she is true to her word!

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 30/07/2012 22:23

He trusted her enough to believe she was on the pill, so he's going to have to trust her enough to believe she took the MAP too, isn't he?

And while he's not trusting her, hopefully he's learnt his lesson. It takes two to tango and actually I have no problems with an 18 and 19 year old having sex, nor do I care who 'seduced' whom. It was still his choice to have sex without a condom.

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