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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

regarding facebook pics

248 replies

pokeypants · 26/07/2012 12:53

I will confess to being a bit wary of putting too much on sites like facebook especialy when it comes to my children, there are so many sicko's about and some people just don't seem to realise the dangers. But I have tried not to become over cautious and reasoned that a few snaps of the kids on there is fine as both me and my partner are sensible and only have actual friends or family viewing our profiles.... I am however rather annoyed to find my niece has been taking my pictures of our little girl and adding them to her own profile....which i know seems harmless but she is a typical teenager and has upwards of a thousand so called friends on her list most of whom I'm guessing she doesn't actually have a clue who they are so we our little girls pics are practicaly public viewing!! Am i over reacting? I have simply asked that she not do it with our pictures, but maybe we should not put anything on there in future ourselves incase. what do other mumsnetters think to this?

OP posts:

Olympia2012 · 26/07/2012 12:54

What do you think the actual danger to your child is?

Anyone could take her pic whilst walking down the street..

maybenow · 26/07/2012 12:56

when you take your girl out of the house she IS public viewing.

so long as the photos are not of private or intimate situations (bathtime or whatever) then i honestly don't see the problem.

Sirzy · 26/07/2012 12:57

She should have asked you first, but then if you put pics on then I can see why she would assume you were ok with pictures being on.

That said, you do seem to be over thinking the risks IMO

sheeplikessleep · 26/07/2012 12:58

YANBU to ask her to remove them.

Bit of a grey area, but I'd just say to your sister or brother that you're not happy about there being photos there and could they ask their daughter to take them off. Not a biggie, but would appreciate her doing it.

UnnamedFemaleProtagonist · 26/07/2012 12:59

I never understand peoples fear of this. What if a 'peedo' saw a photo of your child? What would actually happen to you, or your child? Nothing. How likely is it to happen? Unlikely.

LynetteScavo · 26/07/2012 13:02

I don't like other people putting pics of my DC on facebook (but then DSis did put some naked but ones one which she had taken when the DC were 3 & 5).

Dis in law asks hat no one posts any photos of her child on FB.

I know my settings are as secure as they can be, but you don't know what settings other people have. And FB to own the rights to the picture once you've posted it.

firawla · 26/07/2012 13:02

I get why your annoyed but its irrational really and its nice your neice loves your dd and wants to share her pics?
There's not really any danger because of her doing this.

RubyRosie · 26/07/2012 13:02

I don't see the big deal either I'm afraid, as other posters have said anyone can see her or take her picture at any time, with camera phones so prevalent now nobody can be sure their child doesn't end up in the background of pics of other people kids at the park, beach etc and end up on facebook for anyone to see. Peadophiles don't go to facebook for innocent photos of children when there are sadly so many sites where awful pictures taken for their gratification are available.

Paiviaso · 26/07/2012 13:04

You realise strangers see your children when you take them out of the house? How is this different from a stranger seeing them online?

YABU. I have never understood this line of thinking.

biryani · 26/07/2012 13:04

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable. I don't understand why people think that taking and/ or posting photos of people on fbook/ youtube or wherever without their knowledge or permission is acceptable. No doubt there will be many who will disagree.

I'm sure she's just being a bit thoughtless, though, and I wouldn't be too hard on her, as she may well think that because you have used the photos yourself that they are available to anyone.

WorraLiberty · 26/07/2012 13:05

This never fails to amuse me

If you don't want your kid's photos on the internet, don't put them on the internet.

Print them out and post them to family members if you think they want to see them.

Though quite what you're worried about is anyone's guess?

sheeplikessleep · 26/07/2012 13:08

It depends what other information is also being 'public' on your niece's FB page.

If there is a trail as to her address, relationship to your DC, names / places / social occasions / favourite things or whatever, all of this information could be used by someone to approach a child they don't know and convince them they 'know' them.

This might sound like scaremongering and I'm guessing the chances are slim.

But, I do think a lot of people are very complacent about FB. It is public information.

Tee2072 · 26/07/2012 13:09

I don't get this either. People look at your children every day in real life. What's a picture on the internet?

Emmielu · 26/07/2012 13:10

You're assuming she doesnt know the people on her friends list? Bit silly of her to be accepting or adding them as a friend dont you think? She may well be a teenager but im pretty sure shes aware of who can see her pictures. If it bothers you, take yours off & ask her to do the same. You dont know how private her profile is, as she doesnt know how private yours is. She could look at your friends list & wonder if you actually know any of them.

Callisto · 26/07/2012 13:13

Pokeypants - do you not realise that once you put something on the internet you lose control of it and who can see/access it? I don't post pics of DD, or me, or anyone I know on the web because of this. To me it is about privacy, rather than paedos under the bed paranoia. But I think you are being hypocritical and naive to put pictures of your child on the internet and then get shitty when someone else uses them.

SilkySmith · 26/07/2012 13:15

YANBU there are lots of reasons why you shouldn't put other people's children's pictures on facebook, and no, paedos on every corner gurning at fully dressed pictures are not at the top of my list

estranged/dangerous relatives are much more of an issue

also, once they're up they're up and can never FULLY be taken down, IMO it is us to DS when he is old enough to decide, to choose whether or not he wants his life documented on the internet forever!

I do put VERY FEW generic pictures of DS on facebook as our friends and family are all over the world, but never any one elses unless they ask me to so they can download them (and then they are in private albums!). I have every right to put up selected photos and still ask others not to. I know exactly what is "out there" and can answer to DS

MsOnatopp · 26/07/2012 13:19

You can ask her to remove them but you are over reacting.

honeytea · 26/07/2012 13:21

YABU, I think facebook pics of children would only ever be a risk if they had neglectful parents who posted things like "popping to the shops, hopefully the kids won't wake up" or "anyone free to babysit on friday?"

Really if a peodophile wanted to look at pictures of children wouldn't they just pick up a copy of the argos catalog which will have much better quality photos and a range of kids? or watch c-beebies? I don't think they would be looking for innocent family snaps and if they were pictures of children are all over the place.

Another thing to consider is that if a photo is taken by another person (if not used to sell something, so snaps on facebook) you have no right to say what they do with that image even if you or your children are in the immage, so if DN took photos herself she would own the rights to those photos regardless of who was in them. The only way to really prevent your children from being on the internet is to keep them in the house.

SilkySmith · 26/07/2012 13:23

"Another thing to consider is that if a photo is taken by another person (if not used to sell something, so snaps on facebook) you have no right to say what they do with that image even if you or your children are in the immage, so if DN took photos herself she would own the rights to those photos regardless of who was in them. The only way to really prevent your children from being on the internet is to keep them in the house"

I believe that legally you CAN ask someone to remove a photo of you or your children even if they took it!

sheeplikessleep · 26/07/2012 13:30

This isn't about just the pictures though is it?

It's about the DN could be posting up information which could be used. So for example, "hi, you're so and so aren't you, your mummy sue asked me to come and pick you up today as she is working at x. Did you enjoy your holiday in Timbuktu last week, where you went with nan ethel and grandad albert?" .... I might be over-reacting totally, but it would make me uncomfortable too. I think in the UK, we post so much stuff online without really thinking about who could see it.

I know the chances are miniscule, still I think it's a parents right to determine what information about their young child goes out to the public domain.

sheeplikessleep · 26/07/2012 13:31

But then I am a little anti-FB, so may be a bit biased!

honeytea · 26/07/2012 13:33

Maybe by facebook rules, but the law is that you own the right to an image that you took the only time you need to get written permission to use that immage is if you want to advertise something. So if I took a photo of a beach and sold it to a newpaper to illustrate an article talking about the hot weather I wouldn't have to ask permission from everyone on the beach. If I wanted to use the same photo to advertise coke I would have to ask the people on the beach.

I'm sure we are all on facebook in the background of other people's photos, when you are at a kids farm and someone takes a photo you can't go up to them and say "excuse me was my dc in that shot because if they were I don't want you to put that image on facebook"

Bartusmaeus · 26/07/2012 13:34

YANBU
I don't want pictures of myself let alone of DS on the internet. Not for safety but for privacy reasons. We don't have facebook, flickr etc. and I ask my family/friends not to post pictures of us.

I'll never forget a really bitchy article I read (in the Times I think!) about bridesmaids dresses - the journo had surfed the net and found lots of examples of ugly dresses and added the photos and her scathing comments to the article.

Once the photo in on the internet you don't know who will use it for what.

Sirzy · 26/07/2012 13:35

Sheeplike - have their actually been any cases of young children being abducted or attempted abduction because of what has been posted on fb? (I don't mean older children being groomed via fb which is a different matter)

SilkySmith · 26/07/2012 13:37

"I'm sure we are all on facebook in the background of other people's photos, when you are at a kids farm and someone takes a photo you can't go up to them and say "excuse me was my dc in that shot because if they were I don't want you to put that image on facebook"

You can and should! are people not aware of the number of children who are being protected from estranged relatives? Family kidnappings are very common, there are children at DS's nursery who cannot have their photos in backgrounds of other people's photos for this reason so we never do group photos

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