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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

304 replies

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:12

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.

the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)

DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 )

I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)

I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 10:18

i have lots of feminist ideals but allow and paint my own DDs nails, as i did with my DSs when they were young

DS2 still does, he works with school-age children, they do it for him

they are colours, to change the colour of her nails, not to make her look more beautiful or attractive. i colour my hair too, to change the colour, not to make it more beautiful

Floggingmolly · 19/07/2012 10:21

My five year old DS is currently sporting rainbow nails, (fingers and toes) courtesy of his 11 year old sister. I couldn't care less. When he's gotten over the novelty, I'll remove it. What's the problem?

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:22

would you paint your DD's young friends when they come to play UnChartered?

Also DD does say she feels beautiful with her nails painted, so while your intention may not be to make your DD feel more beautiful, have you considered that she may well feel this way with her nails painted?

OP posts:

Inneedofbrandy · 19/07/2012 10:22

Its only nail varnish and shes 4, I dont see it as a big deal. This has nothing to do with feminism, feminism should be about choice and equality. Some little girls like dressing up nail varnish abit of mummys lippy, some little boys do to actually.

YABU

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:23

I listed my problems with it in the OP flogging

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 10:23

YOU see nail varnish as anti-feminist and sexualisation.. your daughter sees pretty fingernails, and colours - as do most other people.

So yes YABU.

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 10:23

I think you are over thinking it.

To kids it's fun and only becomes more if you let it. Last week DS (2.8) was walking around with lipgloss and eye shadow on ( eye shadow on his cheeks though)

But if it bothers you that much just tell the other mum you world rather she didn't do it

savoycabbage · 19/07/2012 10:24

I don't like it either although I wear it myself. One of my friends always put it on my dds when they went to her house. I just went with it but told my girls in a mock horrified way that I didn't like it as they were too little. They know that they are not going to get me to do it but that I don't mind if they manage to get it done elsewhere.

Meglet · 19/07/2012 10:24

I'm not sure about this one. I have never really worn make up but I did like using glittery nail polish at my friends houses when I was little, mum never had nail polish in the house.

Now I'm older I still do my nails but I'm not into hair-do's or make-up at all.

And I've promised almost 4yo DD glittery nail polish if she stops biting her nails .

On the whole I see nail polish as far less 'princessy' than impractical girly clothes or fussy hair-dos. It doesn't inhibit what they can do once it's on.

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 10:24

of course i've considered it - and no she doesn't. she likes the colours

and yes i probably would paint another child's nails, but would be open about doing it beforehand

Methe · 19/07/2012 10:25

YABU!

My 3 year old son is currently sporting fetching green toenails.

It's just play! It has fuck all to do with sex.

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:25

So you are happy to paint your DC with carcinogens?? Or did you not know that nail polish is a toxic carcinogen?

for example "Nail polish ingredients often include toluene. Solvents such as toluene and xylene are petroleum-based products that have been linked to cancer. Formaldehyde (formalin) may cause allergic reactions and is unsafe for use by asthmatic people. It is a carcinogen."

More here

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 10:26

plenty of men wear nail varnish too.. it hasnt made Marilyn Manson look any prettier.

GobblersKnob · 19/07/2012 10:27

Both my ds (7) and my dd (4) currently have rainbow nails for the holidays.

I have to admit I used to paint ds nails all the time and any colour he wanted and had no problem with it, but don't like painting dd's pink or red, I hate the idea of it being to 'prettify' her.

My solution had been to come up with more funky things that seem fun and childish, rather than grown up or 'princess-y' so we do rainbows, tigers, zebras or green and yellow or smiley faces that kind of thing.

diddl · 19/07/2012 10:27

"Also DD does say she feels beautiful with her nails painted"

Ah, that´s sad.

My 14yr old insists she "needs" make up to look pretty.

Breaks my heart.

She´s everything I´m not-tall, slim, blond & I don´t get it.

I never felt that way & feel that I´ve failed her somehow.

At least she only puts concealer on her perceived flaws.

AxlRosesLeatherTrousers · 19/07/2012 10:28

YANBU, I agree with everything you've said, and as a feminist I'm the same. I'm very happy that my dd1 (9) is not in the least bit "girly" and would rather chop off her toes than paint them. DD2 is more open to it as all her friends tend to have their nails painted, but she's still in awe of her big sister so when dd1 says, "Urgh why would you want that crap on your nails," dd2 while agree wholeheartedly.

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 10:28

I thought you could buy children's nail varnishes which were non toxic?

my2centsis · 19/07/2012 10:28

Oh Ffs!

Most stuiped thing iv ever read

Yabu

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 10:28

everything is a fucking poison

i paint it on her nails once every 3 months when she allows me to cut her toenails, don't serve on her cocopops ffs

Meglet · 19/07/2012 10:28

I know it's not exactly good for you, but as far as I know people aren't dropping dead of nail polish use left right and centre. The odd splodge of nail polish isn't the end of the world.

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:29

Perhaps you can "Sirzy" but these are not the ones being used to paint my DD.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 10:30

So it would be ok if it was non-toxic then OP?

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 10:30

So Why are YOU painting her nails with them then? If you have such a problem with it then say no and tell the other mum no.

StuntGirl · 19/07/2012 10:31

I agree with you OP, I don't like it, wouldn't let my kid wear it and either wouldn't let her go to that friends house or would have a quick (polite) word with the mum to ask her not to do it.

I think you've undermined yourself by doing it for her yourself though, regardless of which set of nails you've painted and what colour you've chosen. It's hypocritical to criticise the other mum now.

GobblersKnob · 19/07/2012 10:31

I don't think I have ever taken it off with remover, it all chips off eventually

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