To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

[HipHopOpotomus]

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

• I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.

• the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)

• DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 )

• I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)

• I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

BTW my daughter is extremely girly just not allowed nail polish by her mean Mummy

YANBU
Just thought I'd post a quick line so you don't feel all alone in the world. It seems we are in the minority.
However I would not turn it into a big issue as that will not further your cause. Just remove it when she gets home. It doesn't seem an issue worth breaking up the playdates over, if she is having fun there.
It's probably on par with someone giving your child chocolate when you prefer them to eat strawberries instead as a treat (which they usually enjoy with equal relish!) - ie. a pain and totally annoying but once you have stated your view and they have ignored you, it isn't worth falling out over. An occasional roll of the eyes heavenward to indicate your displeasure is probably all that is warranted.

Is it sexualising young boys, if they have theirs done? mine is 10 now and still has black nails on occasion- he doesn't seem sexualised to me, but I am probably too thick, unenlightened and unfeminist to notice.

What is OK for you with regards to face painting? I am assuming Lion- OK, glittery butterfly on the cheek, not OK?

Is it OK to draw pirate beards on little boys with eyeliner?
I assume not for the following reasons
a) it is make up, not face paint... adult and possibly dangerous to skin.
b)it is trying to make little boys look like grown men by 'faking' a symbol of virility and manliness, and is therefore sexualising young boys?

I grew up as a teen in the 80's when the boys wore as much make up as the girls, including nail varnish.

I still have a thing for (some) men in makeup!

i can't see any mention of painting DCs nails in that link, OP

I would say parents attitudes where more of an issue than the occasional bit of nail varnish!

...maybe I am a pushover! But I believe in picking your battles - and concentrating on getting the outcome you want (as far as that is possible to do)

Stuntgirl only the first line was replying to you. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Gotta go do some will. I'll be back.

everyone I am really interested to hear what you think DOES contribute to the sexualisation of young girls, if you believe nail painting doesn't?

LET GIRLS BE GIRLS

Hoyt in True Blood looks FINE with eyeliner on

sirzy I wholeheartedly agree with your last comment!

I would say it's an expectation that little girls HAVE to wear pink frilly things, some of the clothes on sale for young girls and a daily face full of make up.

Allowing a child to wear a pretty dress, play with make up and similar things aren't sexualising them unless you present it that way.

Porn culture, music videos, trashy magazines.. all much much much more damaging that a dab of nail varnish.

Guy liner......... mmmmmm

cheesycharlie you speak great sense!!!

telling your DD she looks prettier, more beautiful, sexy, 'good enough to eat ', more grown up, older, like 'xyz TV star', sings like 'xyz music artist'

dressing her in mini versions of adult clothes ie heels, bikinis, padded bras - anything to change her to LOOK LIKE AN ADULT

well I would say padded bras for 6 year olds, and g-string type knickers are a lot more of a contribution to the sexualisation of young girls than a bit of nail paint..

I cannot bare little girls in triangle bikinis but when I posted that on here I got universally flamed!

all much much much more damaging that a dab of nail varnish.
So you concede a dab of nail varnish is damaging, just not as damaging as porn & music videos (not that DD is exposed to any)?

LOL Squeaky. I know what you mean. The decade that taste forgot and yet which those who grew up in it secretly hanker after

My DS loves nail varnish more than my DD. At school discos, the queue for nail painting has as many boys as girls (though you can see some of the parents furtively giving the queue the once over to make sure that their boy isn't the only one).

I totally understand where the OP is coming from, and nail varnish is one expression of this, but of all the ways in which young girls are sexualised - and they are - this seems to be the least significant IMO. Certainly, as someone who wouldn't let a padded bra, future WAG T-shirt, makeup or anything overtly sexual near my own DD, I really don't have a problem with nail varnish.

yes they are a lot more squeakytoy, but that doesn't mean make up on young girls hasn't contributed to the overall cultural shift we have experienced.

I don't recall any of my friends having nails painted as a child, or even as a young teenager. A huge shift has happened re attitudes to this in the last generation or so. I believe this contributes subtly to the sexualisation of children

I think nail polish looks beautiful on little girls, one of my earliest memories is having my nails painted by my mum in a gorgeous orangey-red. DD loves it too (she is 5) but has no interest in pink, sparkle, dolls or princesses, and I find it utterly harmless. It's as innocent as dressing up to me, and not remotely the same as wanting to change or modify your appearance by wearing make-up.
It falls in the category of small stuff not to be sweated, really. You are over thinking.

Btw am in my 40's, so I don't think it's a recent phenomenon.

UnChartered that is part of my point. part of what kids love about nail polish is it's 'grown up'

i think i'm probably a lot older than you Hip and i can remember girls having painted nails

my mum banned it from my house (4 girls too, imagine how that went down) so we used to put make up etc on during the walk to school

It might not be a great idea to have let your child wear it to school hipHop, i'll conced that. I see no harm whatsoever in children having it occasionally as play.

but it's NOT! it's not a grown up thing to do, it's not age dependent.

really, if anything i'd say it was rather childlike to want to change your nail colour