To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

[HipHopOpotomus]

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

• I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.

• the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)

• DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 )

• I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)

• I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

Can you not speak to the parent and say "I'm just not keen on nail varnish on DD" problem solved?

Yes I have done this and the Mum did it anyway . WTF!?

Methe indeed!

lifeisshort. "It's sexualisation of a young girl!". Was that tongue in cheek?
What on God's earth will happen to my boy? Can I expect a visit from social services?
If only I had your iron grip on life's fundamental issues, I could have saved our family from this trauma

Then don't let your daughter go there problem solved.

YABU. It's only nail varnish. It's colourful and pretty and chances are if you don't make a big deal of it she'll get bored with it soon.

If she feels its somehow 'forbidden' then she'll want it all the more.

I am jealous that this is your greatest worry in the world . YABU.

Ah, sorry HipHop

I was actually agreeing with you though. You don't need to justify yourself if you really don't like something. Your decision then is to stop her going back to that friends.

Where did I say this was my greatest worry in the world daffy?

Your Boy will turn in to a Girl and dress like prostitute barbi and be satisfied being a little kept woman of course flogg

What a crock of utter shit!

Passmethecrisps I'm really interested in seeing how others view the NP thing, as clearly most of DD's friends Mums think its OK. Some don't.

And actually the responses here pretty much reflect that dichotomy too.

Methe

why so angry about it Methe?

Hip - she doesn't sound angry to me, more like she is laughing at how daft you are being!

It baffles me how some people are really worried if their girls are girlie there is nothing wrong in liking pretty sparkly things I have brought up 2 girls 1 isnt girly not her thing another who thinks unicorns poop glitter both are intelligent young women both are focused and but they have different personalities and natures, let girls and boys develop their own personalities you might actually see that not all pink girlie girls are airheads

"They might see it as pretty nails but in reality it's make up and sexualizes the appearance of young children"

That may be your perception of reality. To me it is children playing and having fun. I see nothing at all sexual in a child wearing nail varnish, nor does anyone else that I know.

I dont even see make up as "sexual" on the majority of adults either, it is just make up.

As an adult I dont wear make up so that others will view me as sexually attractive, I wear it because it makes ME feel as if I have made an effort to look as if I care about my appearance and grooming and I personally feel better when I wear tinted moisturise and a bit of mascara.

As a child, I just enjoyed trying to copy my mum and play at being a "grown up" which is a natural and normal thing for any child, particularly girls to do.

I don't think DD is an airhead at all.
I just think 4 is too young to wear makeup

I don't like seeing wee girls with painted nails either it's a bit 'gilding the lily' in my personal opinion.

However OP you either allow iit or you don't.

My 4yo started asking for painted nails last year when her friends started having it done. I said 'no' and explained why.

If someone offered to paint her nails she'd say no because she knows that it is not allowed until she is 'a big girl'.

At 4yo your daughter is old enough to say she's not allowed.

I don't think you are being unreasonable not wanting her nails painted but I think you are being inconsistant and probably confusing your child as to what the rules about this are.

I'm not angry at all i'm just at how worked up you are about something so innocuous as painting pretty colours on a childs nails .

if you had said that in your OP, straight up, then Hip you would have had a lot more respect from me

you have dismantled your own opinions with your actions and called other parents for what you do yourself

Fine, I didn't say it was your greatest worry in literal terms, a "sarcasm" smiley is needed. But YABU for way over-thinking this.

I resent the strikethrough there HipHop. I actually agree with your original point about the over-sexualisation of young girls.

I do not agree with you complaining about the other mum when you are guilty of doing the exact same thing to your daughter. Yes, you haven't done it to other children, but you have done it to your own daughter. This abhorent act you apparently hate. If I had a certain set of principles you can bet I wouldn't just fling them out of the window because someone else was doing it. So yes, you are a hypocrite.

You have to decide why you don't like this. Is it the toxicity? The sexualisation? The lack of control (i.e. the other parent doing it)? Speak to the other mum - again - and express your concerns succinctly and politely. Then if she ignores your wishes again stop your child going there. You are the parent and adult here, act like it.

"And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it."

I disagree - ds (9) currently has red, white and blue toenails (as do I and my dm) a la Jubilee, re-done for Olympic torch.

Swimming teacher said she couldn't beleive how many boys had had theirs done for Jubilee

Squeaky do you acknowledge that there is a big problem with the early sexualisation of girls though? The "Let Girls Be Girls" campaign on MN was inspired by this.

If using make up aged 4 isn't part of the problem then what is?

Let Girls Be Girls

"My 4yo started asking for painted nails last year when her friends started having it done. I said 'no' and explained why"

What were the reasons you told your 4 year old mummy?

and ds couldn't wait to get his done - he brought me the bottles of polish!