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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

304 replies

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:12

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.

the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)

DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 )

I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)

I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 11:59

Yes I've given mixed messages by allowing her to pain her toes twice.

Like lots of parents I don't have all the answers to all the questions just because I have a child. Shit I don't even know what all the questions are!

I'm on a learning curve - aren't you?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 19/07/2012 11:59

I also think the sexualisation of children has nothing to do with children - it's much more about adult and their interpretation of things - yes not the obviously inappropriate poll dancing kits for 7 year olds but getting twisty about silly thinks like a bit of lip gloss or a bikini

jellybeans · 19/07/2012 12:00

My DDs and DSs all wanted their nails done when they were 2/3 and I let them. DH was abit miffed when he came home to DS in bright pink nail varnish

gordyslovesheep · 19/07/2012 12:01

Oh yes I am on a learning roller coaster - school and peer pressure fights me at every turn - and I have a massively fashion obsessed, flicky haired, lip glossed 10 year old

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:01

well I'm not there when it happens gordy so I don't know what other people are saying to her about it.

Worra "extreme feminist views" ha ha!! I hardly think this is an extreme feminist view.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 12:01

Oh and I should add...

I don't like seeing make-up on children either because I think it looks nasty

But I do totally understand the difference between applying a bit of make-up for dressing up fun...and applying it to go out in the street.

I think what you need to do is see the difference and don't 'over think' the feminism/child sexualisation side when it comes to the former.

gingerchick · 19/07/2012 12:03

Exactly Gordy seriously OP I have many many more worries about my children and their lives than a little bit of nail varnish or lippy obviously this is a big problem for you in which case you are very Very lucky I wish I had the luxury of worrying about such trivial things

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 12:05

But OP, you think that nail varnish sexualises a child, that is your feminist led opinion. The majority of us on here do not agree.

Chandon · 19/07/2012 12:05

I don't think it is part of sexualisation of young children.

I only have DSs, my oldest DS always wanted to wear my silk nighties and has sported nail varnish a few times (until he was about 5 and peer pressure made him not like it any more).

To me, it is about kids play, innocent, about wanting to be like mum, dress like mum etc.

If a girl prances around in her mums clothes and too-big high heels for example, I do not see "sexualisation" I see a girl who loves her mum and wants to be like her. Imitating adults is an important part of kids' play, and of growing up.

I am with you on the toxicity though, and I would never use varnish remover on their little nails, just let it chip off naturally. And use the varnish only occasionally. fair enough to limit it a bit.

Last but not least, kids do as you do, not as you say. So if you use make up and nail varnish, so will your daughter want to, even if you say it is "bad" as that just causes cognitive dissonance, ie something is not right: You say it is bad, yet you do it yourself? Think about that.

Yours faithfully,

The Rhymenoceros

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:05

I also think the sexualisation of children has nothing to do with children
I think the women doing the nail painting get more out of it than the children they are painting. FFS do some proper parenting - do something interesting with the kids, don't just paint them cause its easy and makes YOU feel good!

OP posts:

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/07/2012 12:07

Feminist rant as in, in your OP your ranting about being anti nail varnish, one reason being because you consider yourself a feminist. I was suggesting just saying to this mum that you don't want your DD wearing nail varnish. But without a great long list/rant as to why. Thought that was obvious. Certainly don't get the

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:07

Hey Rhymenocerous - how do's?

I do think about that. But adults do LOTS of things that aren't appropriate for children to do. And I don't say it's "bad" - I say it's not age appropriate.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 12:09

Is it not possible to 'do some proper parenting' and 'do something interesting with the kids' as well as painting their nails?

Did painting your DD's toenails prevent you from doing that?

LentillyFart · 19/07/2012 12:10

Gordon Bennett! What an absolute crock of shite OP. I was a 60's child, 70's teenager. I ruined more of my Mum's lipsticks than she was happy about and glitter painted my nails a la Glam Rock later on. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone less interested in fashion and make up than me! This is not a new phenomenom - kids have been doing this kind of thing forever. The issue is YOU making it an issue by projecting your particular brand of joyless feminism on anyone who'll stand still long enough to catch some. Yeah. I know. Sock it to me! GO!!!

LeanderBear · 19/07/2012 12:10

YAB a little Unrealistic

It's only a wee bit of nail varnish. I just wouldn't worry about it. I don't like tiny bikinis and padded bras etc but a bit of nail polish wouldn't bother me.

Sirzy · 19/07/2012 12:12

Because children shouldn't care less about feminism all that should matter to them is being children and having fun. Parents shouldn't force any extreme views on young children.

To force extreme feminist views on a child is equally as bad as forcing them into a certain stereotype.

Original poster

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:12

One of several points made in the OP was from a feminist POV. It's hardly a 'rant'.

The is to why having a feminist viewpoint on the subject is a "feminist rant". Why is having a feminist POV a 'rant'?

OP posts:

KenLeeeeeee · 19/07/2012 12:14

YANBU for being annoyed at Friend's Mum for doing something you'd already expressed that you were uncomfortable with.

But, I do think YABU for making such a big deal out of nail polish. I don't think it's in the same league as revealing/provocatively decorated clothing, high heels, Bratz dolls etc. being marketed at young girls. I also don't think it's just young girls who like their nails painted; my 6 year old son loves having his nails painted, preferably each one in a different colour. I also think YABU to keep up your annoyance at the nail painting when you have in fact painted her nails yourself.

KenLeeeeeee · 19/07/2012 12:15

I also think YABU for projecting your personal feminist opinions onto your children, as sirzy said.

LentillyFart · 19/07/2012 12:16

Why is having a feminist POV a 'rant'?

Probably because the vast majority of people think you are being ridiculous in the first place, but to then put it down to 'feminism' - well, that's just the glittery icing on the non-organic cake isn't it. Seriously - if you can't differentiate between a bit of nail polish and the real serious issues surrounding the sexualisation and exploitation of girls (some of them from places so poor they don't even have nail polish!!) then you might need to reach for your spare grip. Or we can have a whip round and get one for you?

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 12:17

"I think the women doing the nail painting get more out of it than the children they are painting. FFS do some proper parenting - do something interesting with the kids, don't just paint them cause its easy and makes YOU feel good!"

so now it isnt "proper parenting"... you are not doing yourself any favours at all with this strange attitude.

Children enjoy trying to be grown up. Children enjoy having their nails painted. It does not mean they do not enjoy plenty of other activities too.

You are not only unreasonable, you are also rather preachy and judgy too.

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 12:17

I fully agree with what worra said

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/07/2012 12:18

Nowt wrong with a feminist point of view obviously, but you were a tad ranty. IMO. I'm not a feminist really btw but that is my POV

Also you might want to lay off any withering comments about this lady doing some "proper parenting" instead of painting the children's nails. It makes you sound like a loon. And also a bit of a dick.

SoupDragon · 19/07/2012 12:18

Why do you have nail polish and remover if you object to it as a feminist?

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 12:18

Oh dear god painting a kids nails isn't proper parenting I have now seen it all

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