To think my brother and sister in law are bad parents?

[Oxygene]

Please tell me if i'm over reacting.
My BIL has two lads (13 & 14)and when we go to our MILs for Christmas, they do nothing from the minute they get up to the time they go to bed but play violent war games on the xbox. Not only is it totally anti social when your supposed to be visiting family but I don't agree that a 13 year old should be allowed to play violent and aggressive 18+ restricted games. You wouldn't allow your kids to watch porn would you?

They can't see any wrong in this. The only time they stop is to go the loo and have tea and even then they're texting while at the dinner table. The kids are rude and anti social. We went camping with them last year and I was shocked to see the eldest lad knocking back bottles of blue WKDs. The mum said it was ok so long as they drank with the family so it could be monitored and they could do it responsibly. So it's ok to break the law so long as it's done behind closed doors?

Their dad is now pushing the youngest boy into the caddets where he's allowed to vent off aggression and play with rifles. Fine, if you want to join the army when you're older but glamourising war and allowing kids to play with guns is something I can't agree with.

On one hand they are over strict with them but not where it matters. They've sent them to private school so they can get a strict education but they seem to be going off the rails and the parents just can't see where they're going wrong.

You sound chippy oxy
All this bad feeling and vitriol - very ugly.

You are working yourself up into a state - shouldn't you be packing for your trip?

You do realise, Oxygene, that every generation has said the same thing? Society is going to Hell in a handcart, and it wasn't like that in my day, and once upon a time youth were respectful to their elders and betters, weren't they?

I do sympathise with you to an extent, but you do sound very curmugeonly.

Bring back the birch, I reckon. Lawks a mercy fancy a generation moaning about the next generation, I bet that's almost never happened before. I think it's probably the end of civilisation as we know it.

I can imagine cave-men (and woman) saying similar stuff.

'Youth of today, all we had was rocks, but now they're painting on the walls of the caves, vandalism that's what it is,'

You know, working with teenagers, I find this generation far more pleasant, sociable and hard working than my generation.

But this generation whining, it will go on forever.

And on another point, use of language.

Why is it always necking and glugging alcohol.
And glued to the TV or phones?

It's all very The Sun type writing. We'll have blondes being Busty next.

I missed another one, 'Swan off' people always seem to swan off to the pub.

What does it actually mean?

Am I the only one who snorted at "the youth of today"?

Op you need to get out more. Most of the teenagers I know are fun, hardworking, focused and a pleasure to know. Don't believe everything you read in the Daily Fail.

And husnsagain, I tend to fuck off to the pub mostly.

YANBU re the video games (if indeed it is dawn till dusk) and texting at the table, and no-one should be drinking blue WKD - it's feral and [word we're not allowed to use on MN cos it's offensive to Katie Price] On the other hand, teenage boys arent usually reknown for their social skills.

I cant see the problem with them joining the cadets. Might be just what they need to get a bit of a life.

Why lump all the 'youth of today' together? There are good and bad in every generation but, in my experience, there are far more good teens of today than there are bad. I am heavily involved in supporting children of all ages who have special needs, some of those children have very challenging behaviours, behaviours that have many people running for the hills. Yet the young volunteers that we have in from local schools, colleges and Unis are, on the whole, wonderful kids with great patience and senses of humour. Lots of them give up their free time to help run a Saturday club for the kids. Maybe you need to get out of your safe, secure, 'nice' world and get into the real world.

I have two 'youth of today'. Both work damned hard to earn a living. DD is supporting herself through uni where she is studying to become a teacher for children with special needs. DS is also working, living away from home and supporting himself. Yes, they both have a drink now and then but as far as I know neither of them have ever been rip-roaring drunk. Both are staunchly against drink-driving and when they are out in their friendship circles it is routine (and expected by all in the group) that someone will be designated driver. There was a time when DS was attached to his PlayStation or Nintendo but he outgrew it, when he left home those things were left behind. He doesn't speak much at family gatherings and he isn't comfortable at them but he tries.

You really do need to get a life OP, if you're for real. Plenty of youths live in my house, several are wedded to the X Box, but all are bright, sparky, sociable youths who are doing just fine.

OP, are you very old?

You sound like my Mum

I'm not VERY old but i'm not a young parent either. I was brought up with older parents and old fashioned values which I respect. Sorry if that's not the way people think today but in my opinion kids today get far too much of their way and there's a distinct lack of respect which we had growing up but my parents were quite strict. I don't see anything wrong with having discipline and ground rules. I wanted to grow up before starting a family. Far too many people are having kids when mentally they haven't even matured themselves. Anyway I may have been unreasonable over a couple of points but I stand by the all day gaming and excessive drinking in the home. Anyway I still think my in laws are hard work to be around and i'm not looking forward to being in their company.

To be frank, I don't agree with any of the things that you listed as allowed by your ILs. I don't like youngsters drinking, I don't like the concept of alcopops, I'm a pacifist and strongly in favour of family meals. Not a thing on your list that my own teens would be allowed.

But I agree even less with pompous parents preaching about the hopeless morals of today's society. Because I have seen how difficult it is for such self-satisfied parents to provide real support for their children during the teenage years and how often their children end up in real trouble because they cannot talk to their parents. And how the children miss out on good advice because they don't trust their parents as a source of information, having caught them exaggerating or being ill-informed too many times.

If you do have children, I hope you are prepared to do a lot of growing up before they get to their teens.

I bet they can't wait to see you though oxy.?

As other posters have said Oxygene, you are not the only one who feels that way. I work with parents and very young children and I see the beginnings of this every day. Lots of parents just want their children to be as convenient as possible, and sadly this involves lots of letting the children entertain themselves with TV/DVDs/computer on constantly.

I remember being bored out of my skull when visiting relatives as a child/teenager but sticking my head in a book/TV/computer game would have been out of the question. It sounds like these parents are giving their kids the message that they don't have to put themselves out for anyone and that they have the right to be entertained at all times.

Oh and I'm sure you're devastated at being thought 'old' by some posters! Much better to be hip and trendy and let your kids rule the roost at all times I'm 32 by the way so hardly ancient!

Thank you cory for writing that!

I wouldnt chose to do the things the IL's have been accused of, but by the end of this thread I think I'd rather spend Christmas with them!

A few pages back someone commented their nephews spent all their time playing on screen games but are NW delightful young men. Boy does that give me hope.

DD will play board games all day long but I'm sure she will be on the alcho pops one day. Not sure what to make of the fact Cluedo is her favourite!

DS loves his 3DS but has sworn off alcohol for life. 50% success with each I supose

Listen to Cory OP!

It's nice to see a thread without too much hyperbole and sweeping generalisations.

What exactly does 'old-fashioned values' mean?

Spare the rod? Seen and not heard?

But then again I've got an Xbox.

Only in AIBU.

Oh FFS, it IS pretty PISS POOR parenting to allow any CHILD under the age of 18 to access ADULT CONTENT. Give the kid a Fruit Shoot and there would be OUTRAGE on here, but give them a nintendo and a shoot em up sniper game and that's OK? Huh?

You wouldn't let a child sit there all day surfing PORN, so why on earth would any parent allow a child to sit there and play games that are deemed TOO VIOLENT for under 18s? Repeated access to violent/adult content conditions the mind, ANY mind, Adult OR child, that it's normal behaviour, when it ISN'T.

We have a society where violence is on the increase both among young men AND towards women.

Alcohol abuse is rife, everywhere you go now in a town/city centre the chain pubs are offing a double for an extra pound, repeatedly, happy hours, pitcher offers, offers during sporting events. The hospitals and police forces are straining under the weight of drink related crime/disturbances.

Children being allowed free rein over adult content and alcohol, which is what the OP describes IS crap, sending them to private schools is not a get out for neglectful parenting.

It's our JOB to moderate the ADULT world our children are exposed to, what the OP describes is nothing like moderation, more a total hands off approach.

Judge away OP, I bloody would too.

Any proof that society is more dangerous now than 10,50,100,200 or a 1000 years ago?

Because I bet it isn't no matter how many times you type in capitals.

Some of my DC spend much more time than I'd like on the X Box but not preventing them doesn't mean I consider myself 'hip and trendy'.

I happen to be pretty relaxed about it because the X Box is in the main living area and mine play on it together. They're also all very decent kids. They just happen to enjoy this stuff which wasn't around when I was young and they do play all the Call of Duty type games but none have turned to violence as a lifestyle choice as a result. The world moves on and it's sensible parenting to move with it I'd have thought.

Cross post with the capitalised shock horror post.

I've got older university aged DC as well as primary and secondary aged DC. Plenty of the older ones friends have an X Box habit and none of those are anything less than extremely impressive young adults. Not one. I'm really not worried.

Why didnt you say something at the time? Are you gutless?

In my real-life experience boys get heavily into Xbox at 12 and 13, then it drops off as other things come into their lives.

But you totally despise them, no wonder they're not pleased to see you!

I did start reading this opus with a hint of fellow feeling as DP's family are very different from mine and I used to rather dread his family get-togethers as they were a bit dull and I felt like a complete 5th wheel ...

Over time I've realised that they have hearts of gold and will always go out of their way to help out if asked ( unlike my lot who just make excuses ) So now I just chill with a cuppa and make interested noises while everyone talks about Corrie and watches the kids tying themselves in knots on the wii ... Remove the judgy-pants, it's much more comfortable without the damn things!

As ever, I agree wholehearedly with cory .

I too disagree with DC using age inappropriate games (TBH DS is worse then me, positively evangelical), and too much gaming generally.

However, harking back to the good old days, is not the way to a happy, thriving family life. DC, particularly teens need to be able to talk to their parents. Parnets need to listen. And you can only do that if you have ensured common ground remains open and available. Acceptance of modern life is part and parcel of that.

And let's be frank OP. Here you are chatting to a bunch of strangers on a social network. I bet your granny would have disapproved .