To think that being the Politeness Police is fucking rude

[Himalaya]

Today i was coming out of DS's party venue, arms full of balloons, cake and other deritritus, brain running through whether all children were accounted for. Old bloke coming the other way opened the door and let me through, and as I passed said "Thank-you, you're welcome" in that snarky, patronising way people do to children who have forgotten their 'Ps and Qs'.

WTF?

I do normally say thankyous. But this time I was distracted. For all he knew maybe I wasn't just mildly shell-shocked after a kids birthday party, but had just heard my dog had been run over or something.

Of course I said "what? Er... Thanks" and he probably thought he'd made his point to the younger generation.

AIBU to think this kind of "thank-you vigilanteeism" is ruder than forgetting to say thankyou in the first place?

What smart answer should I have given?

While I think that you should have said thank you, it is bad manners to tell someone else that they have bad manners, so he was rude too. But you started it (feel like I should say ner ner ner ner ner and stick my tongue out).

Nope I'd be Team Teen In Hoody

I'd be pleased the hoody teen was brought up correctly

I'm with the gentleman. So rude of you to even think it worth posting on here.

I'm with Mr Door Holder too. He picked you up on being rude and you're being snippy about it.

OP you should have said 'thank you' BUT I really hate that passive-aggressive 'you're welcome' shit. Totally uncalled for and equally rude.

Team old bloke here too, sorry.

Wrt the poster who said that people can't say thanks if they have lost their voice or can't speak English, that is nonsense.

By smiling, nodding etc you can easily say thank you without words. I have often thanked people who don't speak my language, by saying thank you in a warm, smiley way. They have never failed to understand.

I also thank the v kind drivers who let me cross a difficult junction with the buggy, without any words.

It's your attitude, not your voice or your language skills.

I'm Team Old Bloke too!

Thank you for distracting me from my hangover with your thread though. Very entertaining!

Another one here who thinks he was just as rude.

There's something really unpleasant about an adult who takes it upon themselves to lecture other adults, strangers,as though they were naughty children.

But there is also something really unpleasant about not saying thank you. Say thank you!

I HATE the politeness police. On this occasion though does sound like you ought to have said thanks, but I think by barking that at someone you just show you have no manners either!

Everyone forgets to say thanks now and then.

As someone who routinely shouts 'You're welcome!' at a rude, entitled, oblivious 'distracted' mother driving past after I've pulled over to give her access....I'm Team Old Bloke too.

YABU

There's something really unpleasant about an adult who takes it upon themselves to lecture other adults, strangers,as though they were naughty children.

Oops you wouldn't like me then but it's usually at some bloody kids playing football across a busy road or telling people "this is no smoking".

I'm horrible in my middle age!

I do that Proudandscary. If people don't acknowledge I've stopped my car so they can drive on through a small space, I wave and smile at them. I think this probably makes me look crazy though

Same as Proudnscary, I frequently and pointedly say "you're welcome" when people don't bother to say thank you. It's simply a matter of acknowledging someone else's efforts on your behalf. The distracted excuse is very rarely valid IMO. It's rude.

I'm team old bloke too. I often say 'you're welcome' to people who have barged past as I hold a door/stand to one side/go out of my way to avoid them. Especially if it's happened to me ten times in a row. But if you want to see the politeness police in actio go shopping with DH. If the cashier doesn't say please he'll wait for a few seconds, ask them to repeat themselves then say 'is there a please sometime in our future?'.

There's really very few times that you can be so distracted you forget basic manners.

Well MorrisZapp maybe you can come and teach the woman who insulted me even though I had nodded my thanks, and said thanks to her, but she was just too deaf to actually hear me. And my point actually was that you don't know the person's situation before you jump in and judge. In another country I do sometimes forget in that situation for example to say merci, and they might not understand English, but I would know enough French to realise that they thought I hadn't said thank you, even when I had automatically said thank you in English. There may be people whose first language isn't English, but due to your ingorance (I presume) of every other language in the world you don't understand. You can't always assume that everyone else is in the same situation as you.

My position is unchanged the poster is BU to not say thank you, the rest of you who like to make sarcastic comments are only slightly better as you are still being rude and assuming that your hearing is perfect and that you understand everything about everyone else that you interact with for twenty seconds.

I do feel better for venting about that deaf old woman, just hope that I remain as reasonable about such issues when I am as old and deaf as she is.

I disagree bunnies. Manners are going downhill these days and if people are never picked up on it, they will think it's OK not to thank people.

I am sure some non-thankers are usually polite and having a day dream moment, but some honestly don't see the point in saying it and that's rude.

Ooooof. Way to much snarking!

I can see your point 3duracellbunnies. FWIW it's the acknowledgement that I think is required, whether a nod or a thank you, of the fact that someone else has gone out of their way for you. It would be interesting to know how many people arguing the distraction point would be sniffy if the person in front just let the door slam in their faces.

You should have just said 'sorry I was distracted, thank you', end of it and nicely puts him in his place.

Some people care a lot about manners other less so, I like manners but do think we British seem to get a bit ott about them.

The politeness police are so self-righteous. I'm sure they have many faults of their own, which other people may be too polite to mention :o

I don't care about the 'real' etiquette of pointing out someone's lack of manners; I think if you do a pleasant, thoughtful thing for someone else (yes even something as small as holding a door open), then you earn the right to say 'oi ignoramus' if that's not acknowledged.

I don't particularly buy the distraction thing- the automatic thank you is now even ingrained in my children- but if it's true, then fgs have the good grace to accept YWBU. Moaning about being pulled up on it is petulant.

Meh to this tendency to put the word "police" at the end of a topic to suggest people are unreasonable rather than addressing the actual point. Breastfeeding police, political correctness police, food police. Just meh.

Petulant's a good word for this situation, Greeneyes. The OP resents being, quite justifably, told off. There's a cure for that - remember to acknowledge the next person who is kind to you!

I think you were the rude one, saying thank you isn't difficult. It's basic manners, even my 4 year old remembers to say thank you most of the time!