To think that being the Politeness Police is fucking rude

[Himalaya]

Today i was coming out of DS's party venue, arms full of balloons, cake and other deritritus, brain running through whether all children were accounted for. Old bloke coming the other way opened the door and let me through, and as I passed said "Thank-you, you're welcome" in that snarky, patronising way people do to children who have forgotten their 'Ps and Qs'.

WTF?

I do normally say thankyous. But this time I was distracted. For all he knew maybe I wasn't just mildly shell-shocked after a kids birthday party, but had just heard my dog had been run over or something.

Of course I said "what? Er... Thanks" and he probably thought he'd made his point to the younger generation.

AIBU to think this kind of "thank-you vigilanteeism" is ruder than forgetting to say thankyou in the first place?

What smart answer should I have given?

Yes I know rude of me not to say thanks.

But letting the person who is leaving a building pass through a door first is not a favour, it's normal.

Opening a door if you've got free hands and the other person has their hands full is not a favour, it's normal.

I would always open the door in this situation, and it would never occur to me to make a snarky comment if the person didn't say thankyou (except perhaps if it happens all the time as in your workplace Tufty).

Team old bloke here as well. You should have said "thank you."

Genuine smile, I'm amused :)

Similar happened to me recently, I was bustling my two little ones out of a shop doorway, and a man shifted to the side and let us through. Then he said 'you're welcome' in that tone.
Truth is, I hadn't quite realised what he had done till he said it, so i was embarrassed and said 'Oh I'm sorry...head in the clouds...thank you' and smiled at him.
Think you might have done the same tbh.

How far through the door were you when he said it?

Thing is, he might have held doors open for several people today, none of whom said thanks or even acknowledged him. Obviously that wouldn't be your fault, but might explain his reaction.

I hate it when I hold the door open for people and they don't say thanks.
Especially when you do it for the person behind you and there is a stream of people following.
I've been known to let go of the door so it swings back in someone's face.
I always say thank you, simple good manners.
You were just rude OP.

I do that. "You're WELCOME" in a loud voice as the non-thanker disappears through the door and I stand there like an idiot.

I mouth the words 'THANK YOU' when people don't do that little wave of thanks when you let them through a wee gap when driving

Why would you give a smart answer? !?!?

You were in the wrong.

I'm surprised that your distraction override what is a reflex action.

And I dispute that his actions were normal - it was a favour. You can say thanks for normal things too, you know.

Pictish - actually that was exactly what I did say.

It was only afterwards as I walked off that i felt pissed off that he thought he was teaching me a lesson in manners.

Not the crime of the century either way, but I am surprised by how many people think the "thankyou, you're welcome" routine is polite. I would never say it to someone else (apart from maybe my kids, if i was really frustrated) because it seems like dig. Lemarchandbox - maybe you are right and he was having a bad day.

Bronze - about halfway through. The whole exchange maybe took 3 seconds.

No worries then.
Just forget about it. You were distracted, he was grumpy. It's all over now.

How did he know you weren't going to say thank you then

This happened to me recently. I always say thanks (I'm the type
To say sorry when it was the other fault) yet got a sarcastic thank you from someone as I opened my mouth to say thanks

Yet I'm rarely thanked. Walked in the road today to let loads of people past. Not one said thanks

Meh just let it go, I'm often quite away with the fairies and distracted and about 2 seconds too late with pleasantries, just take it on the chin.

Bronze. I don't know, I guess because I didn't make I contact.

Ladybeagleeyes - holding the door open for someone behind you is different to letting the exiting person through the door first.

Try living in the states. Almost no-one says thank you (apart from shop assistants in their saccharine way) and sorry is almost non existent too. I know it is another culture and I have to do a lot of wincing quietly as I know it is my own ingrown politeness that makes me do it / expect it from others.

Did get miffed the other day though when I was holding the door open for DD who was carrying our bulky swim bag into the gym for me, she was being helpful as I am the size of a house due to give birth any day now. When 2 young teens barged through the door bashing into my (very tender right now) bump and tripping over DD and the big swim bag and proceeded to jump the queue to get into the gym. I have to say I dressed them down loudly and firmly in front of everyone. Felt a bit bad after, but it blooming hurt and they were just so rude. One of them pulled a face at me until the manger saw her and told her any more of that and she'd be out on her ear.

Sharklet - but they all "how are you?", which I never know what the correct/polite answer is. My tendency is take it as a reall question and launch into an answer about my health, the weather or transport delays or something. Which usually gets a .

What is the correct answer?!?

I know what you mean. It is just a platitude and they expect a reflex "I fine how are you?" at which they are generally in my experience hoping to be able to launch into a full tale of thier latest gynecology appointment and what happened or something equally cringeworthy. Its kind of a "hey I have a story to tell, so I am going to ask how you are, and that will give me the in to launch into it..." of course that may just be the mothers at DD's school....

'My tendency is take it as a reall question and launch into an answer about my health, the weather or transport delays or something.'

You're spot on with how you deal with that one, can't think why you'd get a telling them about your dandruff/PMT/haemorrhoids.

They were the ones asking FFS!

Just as well the gentleman opened the door for you as I fear the outrage you have now would be ten fold if he hadn't. Some people moan about anything.

I said 'You alright?' to my neighbour in passing once, and he said 'Well, you have to be don't you?'

The answer to that one wasn't in my chit-chat bank of Things To Say so I just laughed nervously lest he break my English reserve and be over familiar

I do know what you mean, I had it in a shop where an older couple had to wait while I passed with my pushchair otherwise I would have to reverse about 4m past tottering plates and then do a more tricky corner, as opposed to the corner which I had just negotiated which was right by the exit, with just them between me and the door. Even without a pushchair it was the sort of place where if I and dh were standing where they were, I would let them pass. Anyway, I said excuse me and thank you, but think they were more deaf than I usually bargain for and the woman said to her husband 'thank you very much too' in a very sarcastic way, by that time I was half way out of the shop, it did annoy me as I knew I had clearly said thank you, but I guess some people feel offended very easily, that poor couple must go around all day thinking people are rude when it is just their hearing. In the same position I would never try to police someone else's manners.

Having said that I would like to think that I would always say thank you, especially if I was struggling and they were helping me.

I see where you're coming from, but I tend to be hyper aware of when people are being polite in this way I would probably have noticed or been mortified that I'd not realised I'd said thank you.

Sharklet, well done you for dressing down those lads. I would have done the same but then felt like Madame Mean the rest of the day!