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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that being the Politeness Police is fucking rude

207 replies

Himalaya · 14/07/2012 23:22

Today i was coming out of DS's party venue, arms full of balloons, cake and other deritritus, brain running through whether all children were accounted for. Old bloke coming the other way opened the door and let me through, and as I passed said "Thank-you, you're welcome" in that snarky, patronising way people do to children who have forgotten their 'Ps and Qs'.

WTF?

I do normally say thankyous. But this time I was distracted. For all he knew maybe I wasn't just mildly shell-shocked after a kids birthday party, but had just heard my dog had been run over or something.

Of course I said "what? Er... Thanks" and he probably thought he'd made his point to the younger generation.

AIBU to think this kind of "thank-you vigilanteeism" is ruder than forgetting to say thankyou in the first place?

What smart answer should I have given?

OP posts:
LemarchandsBox · 14/07/2012 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EclecticShock · 14/07/2012 23:34

Sometimes :)

squeakytoy · 14/07/2012 23:34

Most normal people would automatically say thanks without even pausing from thinking about whatever was on their mind. Those who didnt when pulled up on it would usually say "oh sorry, thanks, I was miles away".

EclecticShock · 14/07/2012 23:34

I'm really feeling the love on here tonight :)

EclecticShock · 14/07/2012 23:35

Mind you, it is aibu... Not much else expected.

LemarchandsBox · 14/07/2012 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EclecticShock · 14/07/2012 23:38

Oh dear... Well I tried to offer an alternative viewpoint. I think you have your answer OP. I wouldn't lose sleep over it :)

LemarchandsBox · 14/07/2012 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EclecticShock · 14/07/2012 23:39

You guys are too funny :)

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 14/07/2012 23:41

I'm with the man too - it's automatic to say 'Thank you' isn't it? Very rude not to - it was only a kids party, not a bereavement.

AgentZigzag · 14/07/2012 23:42

'You guys are too funny Smile'

That's a tense smile you've got there ES, MN not that funny then?

Glitterkitten24 · 14/07/2012 23:42

Suck it up.. He doesn't know you'd normally say thank you. And to be honest, when I hold a door open ect and it's ignored,I'm not thinking 'oh maybe that person is to distracted to say thanks', I'm thinking 'rude cow!' (not that I'm calling you a cow.)

Original poster
Himalaya · 14/07/2012 23:42

Exit - no I was watching my son and the other two kids that I was dropping off. I didnt make eye contact, I'm sure if I had I would have said thankyou automatically.

But I didn't. I would never make a snarky comment to another adult who forgot to say thankyou though. One is rudeness by omission, the other is intentional rudeness.

Mooncupgodess- yes that's what I should have said.

OP posts:
LemarchandsBox · 14/07/2012 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TuftyFinch · 14/07/2012 23:44

Sometimes I feel like a doorman (person) at work. I've got my passive/aggressive 'thank you' down pat now. Loudly. Me and the old man would get on nicely.

katykuns · 14/07/2012 23:45

I think it is a little rude to point out someone else is being rude in the way he did, but I think you were ruder for not saying thanks in the first place.

TuftyFinch · 14/07/2012 23:45

I do it in the car too. And getting on/off trains. And boats.

thenightsky · 14/07/2012 23:45

If he'd let the door slam on you, you'd have noticed I guess.

NimpyWindowMash · 14/07/2012 23:46

I'm with the OP - old dude wiped out his good deed by being sarcastic. You help people out who need help - not just so you get thanks in return.

SharonGless · 14/07/2012 23:47

I'm with the old guy too-sorry. It's ingrained into me and if I had forgotten I would be mortified not trying o think of a smart answer back

edam · 14/07/2012 23:50

Himalaya, I think you are really stretching it trying to make him out to be worse than you. You were rude to him - not intentionally, perhaps, but still rude. He was irritated by your rudeness. Afraid you are still the baddie in this story - you should be feeling a tiny bit embarrassed at having forgotten your (no doubt) usual good manners, not having a pop at the nice man who held the door open for you when you had your arms full.

I suspect you are trying to justify your anger with him because youare embarrassed but instead of accepting you did something wrong, you are trying to turn it round and make it his fault.

Anyway, it's a tiny incident, just accept you were momentarily in the wrong and got called on it. Did ds's party go well? Did you reunite all children with their parents? Then pat yourself on the back for those bits and forget the justifiably irritated man who was kind to you.

VolAuVent · 14/07/2012 23:52

YANBU. Not great manners to suddenly switch to being all sarcastic if someone isn't suitably grateful. Much nicer to give people the benefit of the doubt.

AgentZigzag · 14/07/2012 23:55

Perhaps he was having a shitty day and the OP was the last straw VAV?

sharklet · 14/07/2012 23:56

I'm with the old bloke. You should have said thanks. I'd have just said - "oh I'm sorry I was distracted by the kids, thank you" - no need to be nasty when it was your mistake.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2012 23:58

I would have said exactly the same thing as he did.

Ok so you forgot your manners because you had other things on your mind

He' not psychic and you did forget to thank him at the end of the day.

If I were you, I would feel sheepish and remember a simple thank you in future.

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