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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this and wonder what to do?

334 replies

whathasthecatdonenow · 12/07/2012 17:32

I work with someone I considered a friend e.g. we go on nights out, I'm invited to her wedding etc. This morning she was working in a different room when someone phoned our communal phone for her. I went to get her, and overheard her slagging me off to a colleague from another department. She was using really foul language and insulting my appearance, saying I had no personality, was sexually frustrated, she wanted to smash my face in for breathing, she wished I'd just kill myself.

I just backed away down the corridor and burst into tears and have barely been able to hold it together for the rest of the day. I'm so upset and I don't know how to even be in the same room as her now. I'm contemplating just not going into work tomorrow. I suffer with depression and was having a relatively 'happy' period but as soon as I heard this I just wanted to hurt myself.

I know we all have a moan about people, I'm as guilty as the next person, but this just felt incredibly vicious. AIBU to be so upset as I assume she never meant for me to hear?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 12/07/2012 17:34

She sounds like a two faced utter bitch. I have no advice but didn't want to leave this unanswered. The world would be a better off place without people like her.

manicbmc · 12/07/2012 17:34

Not intended for your ears but vicious all the same.

Go into work. Hold your head high as you've done nothing wrong and just distance yourself from her as much as you can.

MotionOfTheOcean · 12/07/2012 17:36

People like this are normally insecure and unsure of themselves ,making herself fell good at somebody elses expense.Dont let it get you down OP,she,s not worth it and I would be cutting social ties with her.

MangoHedgehog · 12/07/2012 17:36

she sounds like a complete bitch. fuck her, she isn't your problem. just keep your distance and if she approaches tell her you know what she's been saying about you

puds11 · 12/07/2012 17:36

Wow what a bitch. I think you can safely say she is not your friend, and you are better off without her.

Tortington · 12/07/2012 17:37

i'd let her know.
"i over heard your conversation yesterday, i wish you'd have said something earlier, as i considered you a good friend"

there will ofcourse be excuses - she will ofcourse say it wasn't about you, you can just nod in that way that means you're full of shit and with a weak smile walk off.

guilt is the best revenge

Sausagedog27 · 12/07/2012 17:37

Hope you are ok op. in my opinion this says more about her than you. I was bullied at work by someone who was slagging me off behind my back and generally trying to undermine me- underneath it all she was jealous of me and that's how she dealt with it- putting me down. I was like you- it really bothered me at first, but then I saw her for what she is, and just held my head up high and smiled. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. Try not to let her bother you, and don't use this as a reason to hurt yourself- she is not worth your pain.

nilbyname · 12/07/2012 17:39

Yes, custardo gives good advice, really really front that it is water off a ducks back, but what a waste of your time hanging out with her.

Shrug her off, she is a loon, a horror and a nasty piece of work.

Goosfraba · 12/07/2012 17:39

Wow she sounds like a horrible bitch. I'm not surprised you're upset :( hope you are ok op.

AmberLeaf · 12/07/2012 17:39

Sounds awful but are you 100% sure she was talking about you ?

Shutupanddrive · 12/07/2012 17:41

Are you sure you was talking about you and you didn't get the wrong end of the stick? If so I would ignore her from now on. If she asks you what's wrong then tell her that you heard everything she said. Then watch her squirm

threeleftfeet · 12/07/2012 17:42

What an utter cow. At least you know not to waste anymore time on being her friend.

You are unquestionably 100 times the woman she is as you would never talk about someone like that. Hold you head high and treat her with the contempt she deserves!

The comments must hurt but please try to shrug them off, they're not worth paying any attention to, they say a lot more about her than you.

thegreylady · 12/07/2012 17:42

I agree with Custardo-she doesn't deserve to get away with it.Be as cool as possible-just say,"I heard what you were saying to x yesterday.I wish you had felt able to let me know how you felt it ,would have saved me time I could have spent with real friends."

McHappyPants2012 · 12/07/2012 17:43

are you sure she was talking about you.

hairylemon · 12/07/2012 17:46

God what a twat. This happened to me, I overheard my work 'best' mate slagging me off. I did exactly what custy did and basked in her fucking backpeddling excuses. And then told everyone matter of factly what happened. Noone trusted her again. Revenge is sweet.

AnneTwacky · 12/07/2012 17:47

Second thegreylady. Call her on it and watch her squirm.

LineRunner · 12/07/2012 17:48

OP I really hope you are ok; unfortunately in life there are plenty of people who are unhinged enough to behave in this crappy way.

The trick is to recognise them, dismiss them, and move on. You never have to have anything to do with her again, other than afford her basic professional courtesies.

Although if it were me and someone were using foul language about me at work, I'd complain about it to the senior person and ask for the foul-mouthed colleague to be brought in to explain themselves and apologise. This would at least move things on to a more professional footing, and hopefully draw a line - even if you could never trust her again as a personal friend.

Take care x

Pickles77 · 12/07/2012 17:49

What a cow! Big hug op, don't you believe her!!!

DublinMammy · 12/07/2012 17:51

How horrible, you poor thing. She sounds like a complete bitch and a really nasty piece of work. I would do what Custardo suggested. Hope you feel better about it soon, this is about HER being a BITCH and is no reflection on you.

And definitely don't go to her wedding.

HecateHarshPants · 12/07/2012 17:52

you have got to tell her that you heard her. It will eat away at you if you don't. How can you maintain any sort of friendship with her now? You can't. It's just not possible.

Sickofthesnow · 12/07/2012 17:55

Agree with Custard. Call her on it and feel better for getting it out your system. Watch the two faced little witch squirm and try worm her way out of it. Then be safe in the knowledge that you have seen her true colours

GlassofRose · 12/07/2012 17:57

I agree with custard!

Please just say "I overheard what you said about me" and walk away!

pumpkinsweetie · 12/07/2012 18:02

She sounds very two-faced, i would stop seeing her outside of work as she isn't worth your time.
I had a 'friend' like this, luckily i didn't work with her, lets just say it didn't end well-she went around telling people i was this, i was that, made stuff up about how id apparently said stuff about other people and it ended in her and her big entourage ganging up on me outside the school gates calling me a cunt etc.
To this day we do not speak and im glad as she was no friend of mine

Vixxen · 12/07/2012 18:05

What a nasty wanker!

I think you should consider reporting het to your manager. It will be easier on you than having to confront her. I know as a sufferer of depression how difficult it is to confront cunts people like her without falling apart and giving them reason to believe you are vulnerable and "oversensitive" as my ex colleague delightfully told everyone.

Make a note of this in a diary, speak to your manager and keep track of anything else that happens in your diary. If she is saying those things to colleagues it is a form of bullying and it's not bloody on! Don't let her put you through the stress of it all and make sure you write down absolutely anything she does or says to make you feel this way. And don't ever think that what she is doing and saying is harmless and you are being oversensitive because it's not true.

Also make sure you have support. Talk to your OH or a close family member about it and get it off your chest. We are all here to support you online and they are too.

Your "friend" sounds like an absolutely disgusting human being. I would never ever dream of saying the things she has said about you to anyone! She is despicable. You are so much better off without someone as vile in your life.

If you ever want to know about my experience and ask advice on what you can do feel free to PM me. Bullying in the workplace is definitely not acceptable and people like this must face the consequences of their bitter attitudes.

Original poster
whathasthecatdonenow · 12/07/2012 18:05

Thank you - I think I will try to ignore her. She sits at the same section of desking as me in the staffroom, but I can spend the day in another room and I think I will.

She was definitely talking about me - when she said 'I just want to smash her face in for fucking breathing' the male colleague said 'who, whathasthecatdonenow? I think she could take you' and then that launched her off into commenting about my weight, the fact I wear glasses etc. It was the use of my name that made me stop and listen rather than go straight in.

OP posts:
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