To be upset about this and wonder what to do?

[whathasthecatdonenow]

I work with someone I considered a friend e.g. we go on nights out, I'm invited to her wedding etc. This morning she was working in a different room when someone phoned our communal phone for her. I went to get her, and overheard her slagging me off to a colleague from another department. She was using really foul language and insulting my appearance, saying I had no personality, was sexually frustrated, she wanted to smash my face in for breathing, she wished I'd just kill myself.

I just backed away down the corridor and burst into tears and have barely been able to hold it together for the rest of the day. I'm so upset and I don't know how to even be in the same room as her now. I'm contemplating just not going into work tomorrow. I suffer with depression and was having a relatively 'happy' period but as soon as I heard this I just wanted to hurt myself.

I know we all have a moan about people, I'm as guilty as the next person, but this just felt incredibly vicious. AIBU to be so upset as I assume she never meant for me to hear?

Don't take the envelope back.

In a situation like this, there are so many different ways of dealing with it, and many different ways of interpreting how a person deals with it. The fact is that, because personalities are involved, everything is open to interpretation.

However, your LM took the envelope, and you have covered your back. If your LM feels that she needs to open and read the letter, then that is her decision. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Put it behind you now, you have done the best thing you could - I think you actually did the right thing in the circumstances.

Don't bother looking for a new job - I suspect she will be doing that for herself anyway, and that's her choice.

As an aside, it is interesting that so few staff members appear to be going on her hen night and to her wedding. Makes me thing she is not nearly so popular as you seem to think she is. Whereas, your LM clearly thinks highly of you in a professional capacity, to have used you as an example of someone working well.

Chin up. It's done and dealt with now. Move on.

I also think she liked you and she was "showing off" to the young man to downplay her own shortcomings (her work compared to yours).

I think the fact she asked you to forget it and move on, means she has realised she has lost your friendship and she is probably genuinely upset. Having said that - do not feel sorry for her. The fact she could turn just like that, and say those things, shows that she is not the nice person you thought she was and you probably don't want to know someone like her anyway. It is her loss but that doesn't make it easy for you either, as you valued the friendship.

Even if what she said are her true thoughts (which I don't think they are) why are you bothered about what someone who can say those things, actually thinks. I may not particularly like someone but i would never use those disgusting phrases and would not be concerned about the opinions of someone who would.

I was curious to know how things panned out today, I hope everything went ok?

What happened yesterday?

Update OP !
Hope you are doing OK XX

Hope things have gone ok OP. FWIW I think you took exactly the right course of action.

OP, i think you did the right thing in noting it all down - however i would have allowed the LM to read it, or at least tell her what was said.

i think she needs to know the full story - she will no doubt end up getting the other persons side sooner or later.

and i also think - and im sorry if this is going to sound harsh because its not meant to - but i think you need to stop second guessing and questioning everything you do - you do not have to be the victim of sniping and bullying - fwiw i would have made a formal complaint, i think in the same circumstances.

none of what you have done makes you an awful person - and i think the more you put yourself in this mindset, the more of the 'victim' you will look, i know you have been the victim of something quite horrible and unsettling, - she is not your friend - if she were, she would not have said such awful things. Its hard, and i can understand your hurt, but stop navel gazing, stop questioning your own integrity, if this woman has made you feel this way she is simply not worth it.

i would complain and be done with it. you owe her nothing. she proved that by calling you a cunt.

you must have a set grievance procedure - i would put in a grievance - she has been totally unprofessional and morally reprehensible. If you really cant face that - then leave the envelope where it is.
and then concentrate on your job and try and move forward. Its not worth leaving for imo.

OP delurking to say don't take the envelope back.

I had a situation at work where I was informed (by someone who was willing to confirm it, whatever happened) that someone high-up and influential in the company had been overheard saying something EXTREMELY discriminatory about my pregnancy - basically suggesting I should have been fired.

I wrote it all up, explained the situation to my manager, and had him respond purely to log the exchange. It was 'in my locker' so to speak. I didnt want to act on it at the time - I was about to give birth!

Having that there made me secure. In no way was it blackmail.

Stick to your guns, girl Hold your nerve.

Hey, I hope things are going ok.

FWIW I think you did fine with the envelope. You couldn't possibly be bribing her because she doesn't know about it.