To be upset about this and wonder what to do?

[whathasthecatdonenow]

I work with someone I considered a friend e.g. we go on nights out, I'm invited to her wedding etc. This morning she was working in a different room when someone phoned our communal phone for her. I went to get her, and overheard her slagging me off to a colleague from another department. She was using really foul language and insulting my appearance, saying I had no personality, was sexually frustrated, she wanted to smash my face in for breathing, she wished I'd just kill myself.

I just backed away down the corridor and burst into tears and have barely been able to hold it together for the rest of the day. I'm so upset and I don't know how to even be in the same room as her now. I'm contemplating just not going into work tomorrow. I suffer with depression and was having a relatively 'happy' period but as soon as I heard this I just wanted to hurt myself.

I know we all have a moan about people, I'm as guilty as the next person, but this just felt incredibly vicious. AIBU to be so upset as I assume she never meant for me to hear?

Also I tell her now before she forgets what she said (assuming she's routinely a bitch and won't be able to differentiate one bitchy rant from another).

God, that's awful. I'm sorry you're feeling so (understandably) shaken.

Am shocked that any teaching colleague would spew such bile and that she had charge of forming young minds. And yes, how shocking and hurtful to hear such vile slurs, let alone someone who professes to be a friend. And you mustn't believe her poison. Just mustn't. She is one crude and base thinking individual whose just been laid bare before your eyes.

And I can very well believe that you, WHTCDN, who sounds so lovely, are valued and treasured.

If I was up for confrontation, I'd do exactly as GnomedePlume suggests, but repeat some of her words back at her with an audience and watch her reputation shrivel before my eyes. If not, I'd make a formal complaint to the HT with a request that her desk is moved away forthwith.

I am very sorry to hear what happened to you and I am not surprised you feel so upset. She sounds like a truly nasty piece of work and the bloke she was talking to doesn't sound any better. Personally, I would try to speak to someone at work about it. You should try not to worry if you get upset and cry when you do this. I am sure whoever you speak to will understand. It's not your fault you are in this position.
Definitly a good idea to write down exactly what you heard, including the swear words. Might there be telephone records that would log that there had been a conversation between her and the bloke?
I would ask the school to deal with it. Even if she is the golden girl it may be that she has shown some of her true colours before.
If you can! try and talk to RL friends about it even if you dont want to give them all the details.

Best of luck with dealing with this, keep telling yourself that you don't care what a lowlife like her says or thinks, hopefully you will believe it soon enough.

If you got invited in the first tranche then - bizarrely, given her actions - sounds like you're one of her closer friends.

It also sounds like maybe struggling people to go to her wedding is giving her a sort of crisis of confidence which is why she's being so horrible? Not that that's an excuse! Christ knows what she says about everyone else.

Don't blame yourself, I think you may have had a lucky escape!

Oh, and just say you're not going and let her work out why. And please, please don't give her any more headspace. She doesn't deserve it. Spend your time thinking about what you're doing in the holidays.

What IvanaNap said.

And thank goodness it's nearly the end of term and you can take a break from her.

Look after yourself.

Sorry but firstly PLEASE stop feeling so 'woe is me' and so self pitying - SHE is an arse, STOP giving her power by believing anything that comes out of her rancid mouth. You MUST report this. Go through the properr channels - DON'T tell her you know, just go and report what you heard and let them deal with it. Request your chair is moved away from hers and don't ever engage with her again except in a professional manner. Do NOT get into a conversation about it once she knows you complained - just say it is being dealt with through the proper channels and that you have nothing to say to her. Be professional but never ever socialise or engage with her again.

She is a fucking cunt - don't you dare believe anything she said. Hold your head high, no more self-pity thoughts and complain properly tomorrow and come back and update us ok?!

I agree with everything Ivana and 50shades said. Please report this incident; union, head of dept, head of school, govs, the works. Get it down on HER record so it follows her, then if when she's caught out again by someone else, major action will be taken (if it isn't taken out immediately, if you see what I mean).

This way, you don't have to confront or deal with her at all, but can be content knowing that it is being dealt with, and she won't be able to wheedle her way out of it the next time she runs her mouth off about a "friend".

Don't let her make you feel shit.

You've never known a qualified and rational teacher suffers from depression or self confidence issues? What a wonderfully sheltered life you must lead.

This woman is poisonous. All people get on with some people, don't get on with others, this is normal. However the stuff she said is not normal to say by any stretch of the imagination, even about people you don't particularly get on with, and especially if you've invited them to your wedding and hen night!

She's spiteful and has her own issues. You should pity her! She doesn't know how to be friends with people or how to be a decent human being. Would you invite someone to your wedding and hen night whom you really didn't like? It's bonkers! I'd hate to know someone like her and very happy to know someone like you.

I used to work with a teacher like her (I was a TA). She was a complete bitch about the other teachers, parents and even some of the DCs. It was my first job as a TA a and I was . She was so two-faced. Very few people are like that, they don't all think these things of you, I promise.

I would report her. Write down exactly what you heard, and speak to your union and/or the senior management, whomever you find easiest to approach.

If she's this vindictive, she may well be making other people feel the same way she's making you feel. She mustn't be allowed to get away with it.

complexnumber if you've got nothing helpful to say be a dear and piss off, please.

There is loads of bullying in teaching. Loads.

Ok.

Stand up straight and release your inner silent bitch.

The pity.
Obviously one of these women that thinks she HAS to appear funny and witty in front of a guy.
Most of us are issued with personality.
Clearly this one sneaked in the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.

The disdain.
In order for you to insult me X it is somewhat necessary for me to care about your opinion.
The jury has been out for a while on that so we'll keep contact on MY terms now eh?

And finally
Inner forgiveness.
It's such a SHAME she has to continually bitch about others to reassert her failing self worth.
But it's ok.
It can't harm me if I don't allow it.

Seriously is this bird the right side of the desk or has she just been swept up into a Year 8 mentality?

Carlsberg don't do Personality Transplants....

Hi, OP. I am also a teacher. How do you get on with the students? Do they respect you? Have you got control? I was bullied throughout my school life and in my first teaching position by another member of staff. I gained confidence by how I was in control of the students. They liked to be in my class but I wouldn't take any nonsense. Is that how you are?

I always felt like a fraud until I realised that this was the "real" me. The victim of bullying wasn't, if you get what I mean?? I am also bespectacled and unfortunately not within a healthy BMI. I have now learned to really not give a shit what people say, other than those who are kind.

It's taken a long time and I wouldn't say I'm there yet but head held high and fake it till you make it. Please surround yourself with some nice people and raise your self esteem. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Take care x

You deserve some nicer friends! What an awful woman.

Can you write out the conversation as you heard it and then email it to her. Don't pass comment at all. Just explain that you over heard it word for word. She needs to take responsibility for her actions and should feel embarrassed about her behavior.

She is a nasty spiteful bitch OP. This is absolutely not about you, as so many people have said. Please don't take it to heart. Lots of brilliant suggestions here about what to do- I personally like the idea by Gnome the most, but also agree that you need to report it (or if you can't, at least make her think you will) and let her sweat it out over the summer holidays. 6 weeks is a long time and she deserves it. Please don't see this as a problem with you, she and the other man are the only people at fault here.

don not take what she said about you as any kind of reflection of yourselfit is entirely a reflection of her
I actually think it is very easy to become irritated by people at work for no good/ very tiny reasons....we spend so much time with people that we haven't chosen to spend time with
But what she said was downright nasty and unacceptable; her insults and reason for wanting to smash your face in, were based entirely on your appearance!!!! It smacks of bully mentality. It seriously makes me doubt that she is the kind of person that should have any influence over children

I definitely think you need to let your line manager and BE department know. And she needs to know

Forget about this woman being a friend. Forget about her wedding.

Primarily she is a colleague and she has threatened you with physical violence and used sexually inappropriate language. The male colleague is no better for joining in and escalating the conversation.

You need to raise this issue with someone more senior at once - before the holidays start. Even if no action is taken at this point, you will have logged the events in the event that the situation escalates into full-scale bullying.

Take a look here, I think that you have been humiliated and verbally abused which is clearly bullying.

"I know there are only 9 people going to the hen night, 6 of them from work."
That actually says a lot about her, OP. And it's not good. I do hope you feel better tomorrow.

hmmm. what exactly would you be reporting? 'x doesn't like me, and told y?' people here are all very keen for you to pass that on to leadership - but how would leadership hear it? 'w cannot cope in the workplace?'.

if you must put this to leadership...if you've had time off with depression and school know, go to the manager who deals with your situation and explain what you heard, and how it made you feel, in the context of 'i am vulnerable due to depression, i overheard this and it made me feel...' so you can access some support, not 'x said this about me and hurt my feelings; she's really bitchy, punish her'.

you might have sufficient reason to complain in that she told a colleague that she wished you would kill yourself. i have never heard that, in twenty years of teaching.

I'm definitely a teacher, this is very real unfortunately. I'm off to work, will be keeping out of her way and making a decision about what to do over the weekend.

Thanks everyone.