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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
AlmostAHipster · 12/07/2012 10:10

I would blank her for ever more. YANBU - she is a moo!

paradisechick · 12/07/2012 10:10

How awful for you and what a complete bitch she is!

Well done for saying something.

mollymole · 12/07/2012 10:10

Rise above it, you can only pay what you can afford, so hold your head high and ignore the silly cow.

squeakytoy · 12/07/2012 10:12

Of course you were not being unreasonable. I would have told her to fuck off and asked her who she thought she was.

Sparklingbrook · 12/07/2012 10:12

MsVelvet YANBU. She was totally out of order. If you said no you shouldn't have had to explain yourself.

I personally would give her a wide berth when you next see her.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 12/07/2012 10:12

There is no shame in being poor. She however, should feel ashamed of herself.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:13

I wish i was more dignified in the way i responded not gave out so many person info, but im so bogged down with everything that i wanted her to know that to me £2 is a lot of money. Am so upset :(

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/07/2012 10:14

I would like to say that no-one can make you feel how you feel, you do that to yourself.

I would have just aggressively challenged her on calling me disgusting and had it out that she doesn't insult me ever again, but if i was sure that i couldn't manage to put anything in, wouldn't have given it a second thought.

Women like her enjoy the power, don't give it to her.

chipsandmushypeas · 12/07/2012 10:14

Yanbu, horrible woman!

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:15

And what makes me laugh is that not long as we spoke and i told her i was a student mental health nurse etc, she told me she was/is a student too, both older mums, so either she is lucky as has someone supporting her or well off or whatever, i don't i am struggling and i am losing the will, to have such a nasty comment is enough to push me over the edge..

OP posts:
mumnosbest · 12/07/2012 10:15

What a cow. Your dd and you can shoq gratitude without spending. Get dd to make a lovely card then make sure you praise her for it infront of the cow. How dare she!

Sparklingbrook · 12/07/2012 10:15

Well she certainly wasn't dignified. Sad

Ragwort · 12/07/2012 10:16

Rise above it but also this sort of behaviour is totally out of order and reflects badly on the nursery.

What sort of nursery is it? Is it possible to have a word with the owner/manager to say that you find this sort of behaviour is really uncalled for and not what you would expect from a professional environment. Any professional employee should not feel comfortable accepting a 'gift' under these circumstances.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:16

BIRDSGOTTAFLY I know but maybe cos i have been struggling for so long it got to me more, typical pisces in me i guess..

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:18

Its a little nursery, not private, not sure what type it is, its a little community one, right next to my house..I think i will have a word with the manager, she knows my situation as i have been upset talking to her on an occasion..

OP posts:
puffyankles · 12/07/2012 10:18

I wonder how quickly her horrible attitude would change if she was a patient of yours once you qualify?

Please try not to let this cow woman upset you. If she had any humility, she could have quietly popped £2 for your dd's contribution.

slowestwildebeast · 12/07/2012 10:18

I am a student nurse so feel your pain. Laughed at a thread on here recently saying we got loads of money in nhs bursary. I wish.

She sounds like a total idiot and it is not her place to hound you for money.

Hope your training is going well. :)

TheOneWithTheHair · 12/07/2012 10:20

What a cow. Well done for saying something though.

LadyInPink · 12/07/2012 10:20

Please see the dictionary definition below.

Contribution: something given to a common stock or fund; a sum of money or item voluntarily contributed.

Notice the word voluntarily . When you have more money i'm sure you'll be more than happy to contribute but she should respect that and well done for actually sticking up for yourself. By the way contributions aren't always monetary, perhaps when your DD starts school you could help on a stall or something as that is just as important as donating - in fact it's more appreciated Smile

What a bitch!!!

bejeezus · 12/07/2012 10:23

I think you should complain to the nursery about het actually. She shouldn't be hassling other parents in this way, they would be horrified. They will put a stop to her for sure. She's done it to you twice ffs. I feel angry on your behalf. I can't stand this 'collection's thing that is talked about a lot on MN. Also, Christ, if she was any kind of human being she would have apologised for putting you on the spot and just put your dcs name on the card, regardless

SoleSource · 12/07/2012 10:23

She feels bad about herself therefore feels the need to issue others with putdowns. She obviously is full of anxiety about how she appears to others. Ignore her forever!!!!! You ARE NOT obligated to give teachers a gift anyway. It is an option and you have chosen to opt out,you do not owe her or any other fucker an explanation! Maybe make a quip to the teacher about how this bitch is demanding nmoney from other parents and calling them names if they cannot contribute. Grin

delilahlilah · 12/07/2012 10:24

I would also make a complaint to the nursery. Her behaviour was appalling. To call you disgusting is personal and abusive. Let DD make a leaving card herself, much more fun for her and something more likely to be kept.
Collections are optional anyway, not compulsory.

TheCraicDealer · 12/07/2012 10:25

Like someone else said, get your DD to make them a nice card and leave her to it. If she gets so riled about people not giving in £2 for a collection then she must have a very easy (and dull) life. She can go fluff her duck!

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:25

Thanks girls.. Thing is i would have just ignored the note if i had seen it in my daughters packed lunch bag, but she got me as i was leaving, i was coughing my guts up as im suffering from a chest infection and so the confrontation was going to happen i guess, she must have been hoping to see me! Why say im disgusting though, what cos i don't want to do what she is doing, and not even by choice, but cos i have NO choice.

Oh i wish i could not worry about money, my daughter has hardly anything that fits her this year, i feel embarrassed sending her into nursery some days, the nursery at home time say please don't send her in this or that cos it does not fit, but i dont have a lot of choice, for some mums they are living on the bread line and its not by choice, i qualify in one year and then hopefully i will be a bit better off having a wage come in. But i have to suffer till then and her judging me cos i don't have £2 fucking don't help :(

OP posts:
zzzzz · 12/07/2012 10:25

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