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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 19/07/2012 22:19

Im actually dreading tomorrow, it is the last day of nursery where i will have to see her and the other mums who she has bee bitching about me to, I have not seen her since this incident, thankgod but i know it will an excruciating 3hrs of graduation ceremony plus party. Im going to do my best to hold my head high, but here this, My dd wore one of the pretty dresses to nursery today with some Lelli Kelly sandals that another of you lovely ladies sent her and one of the teachers who knows my situation said to DD oh, mummy took you shopping for new clothes did she?

Like what the hell, i can't believe that, DD told me when she came home that mummys lovely friends sent it for her, made me so proud, im not ashamed of things being the way they are as i know it is not forever, but how dare they say that to my girl, obviously judging me as well.

Why do people judge so quick, I was so proud to send my girl to nurtsery looking so pretty, she is having a ball and it makes me so happy that she is happy, so you are right CinnabarRed you really are cos she did me a massive favour, one i am very grateful for...

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 19/07/2012 22:24

Ps i dont know who to thank when it does not have a user name on it, only a first name, So sorry if i have not thanked you and you have kindly sent me something :)

OP posts:
ravenAK · 19/07/2012 22:42

We sent a photocopier paper box with some black boots, a few dresses & (ahem) a few slightly scruffy vest tops which dd2 insisted on putting in - please feel free to chuck those unless they're useful for underwear/pyjamas - I hadn't the heart to take them back out after she'd 'carefully' folded them herself!

Let me know if it hasn't arrived so I can chase it up Smile.

Hope your dd has a fabulous last day tomorrow!

MsVelvet · 19/07/2012 22:45

RavenAK i got it today!!! Thankyou SOOOOO MUCH, ill pm you xx

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 19/07/2012 22:51

Keep pushing (unmumsnetty) hun, they are flatghtlighting. Wecod watch shit together, x

northcountrygirl · 19/07/2012 22:55

Just seen found your thread. So pleased that you've got sorted now. Do you need anything else?

I'd ignore the comment from the teacher - it may not have been meant maliciously. It could just have been a compliment to your daughter - depends on tone. Then again she may just be a cow. Either way, your daughter is out of there soon so just look forwards.

FreudianSlipper · 19/07/2012 22:55

please ignore her she obvioulsy has never been in your situtaion or has a short memory a homemade card is far more personal

i have been in your situation it is a constant worry and very very stressful :( hope it changes for you soon i really do

AngusOg · 19/07/2012 23:03

actually dreading tomorrow, it is the last day of nursery where i will have to see her and the other mums who she has bee bitching about me to

Ach, don't do that! It's not worth upsetting yourself over them. Tomorrow marks a life change: your little one leaves there and moves on to the big school. The only tears should be the ones we all shed as we realise our babies are growing up :)

I expect it probably was just an off the cuff comment from the teacher and nothing was meant by it, but after tomorrow, you'll not have to see them again.

So enjoy the morning at nursery, enjoy the summer holiday together and next term is onwards and upwards for both of you.

oooohhhhyes · 19/07/2012 23:06

So thrilled for your lovely girl that she is pleased and enjoying the clothes, bless her. The whole bitchy nursery scene (and boy, isn't that the opposite of what it should be!) is over and you can move on to the next stage where things will be a lot more relaxed. Pat yourself on the back for all you're achieving and look forward to good times Smile

penguindance · 19/07/2012 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsVelvet · 19/07/2012 23:42

Hiya, no i have to wait till Sept to apply for ALF i have already spoken to the uni about it and they have given me some advice, and i get everything i am entitled to as well at the moment, its just not going far enough at all. But thankyou for your kind help :)

OP posts:
splashymcsplash · 19/07/2012 23:45

Msvelvet have you checked with your department whether they have a special fund for hardship grants which operates outside of regular term time? I know my university does. Sorry you have probably already investigated this, but I'm suggesting just in case.

FreeschoolCampaignerE17 · 19/07/2012 23:52

Bloody hell what a horrible person she must be.....put it like this, my sister has no cash, I ran a half marathon a while ago and asked her for sponsorship and she sorry I don't even have 20p to give you. I said fair enough.....So I ran 13 miles and didn't expect a penny if someone couldn't afford it....what did this woman do exactly to expect money from you???
About the clothes for your DD, can you go on local Mumsnet to see if anyone has any clothes to pass on? I am always passing things on (boys), there must be someone in your area that has things they would otherwise take to the charity shop?
xxx

wizzler · 20/07/2012 08:48

Best of luck Msv.. Look her in the eye safe in the knowledge you won't have to run the gauntlet of her disparaging comments any more after today.
Enjoy your DDs graduation... its a big milestone for her

Moominsarescary · 20/07/2012 08:58

How lovely that so many people have helped with clothes, I know how you feel op. When I trained as a mh nurse I was a single parent. Luckily my mum was in a position to help. Many times she would turn up with food, bits of uniform and even helped with school trips.

So pleased that your dd is enjoying all her new clothes x

HipHopOpotomus · 20/07/2012 09:07

YANBU - it must be really hard to live on such a tight income, and this woman sounds very unpleasant and without understanding or empathy. It's a shame you felt like you had to explain yourself like that - saying sorry I am unable to contribute or something should be sufficient. I'm sure the nursery staff won't have any issue at all with parents not contributing either.

When she said "I'm a student too" how did you not poke her in the eye Grin

Have all the MN basics in your armoury for the future, NO is a complete sentence, smile & nod, smile and nod, and simply just ignore the rabid cow.

Don't worry at all about the ebay clothes. Most of my DC's clothes come from there too. It's a great place to get kids clothes and shoes at a fraction of the original price and is great for the environment too. DD1 loves parcels arriving in the post.

hope you are feeling better today.

iwantavuvezela · 24/07/2012 10:56

Msvelvet glad to hear you and your dd have been receiving parcels. We sent a box with some clothes, silver shoescandca nursery rhyme type puzzle .......
Hope you feeling a bit better
Hugs

JellySwinger · 26/07/2012 14:46

Hi just wanted to say that the lady who asked you for a donation may at this time be in the fortunate position of being able to donate £2 without any hardship. Apparently we are all only two pay packets away from being on the street. Her contempt for your not able to contribute may preclude the people she has spoken to from helping her out should she need it in the future. Wishing you all the luck in the world. You mumsnetters are all truly wonderful generous supportive people. Smile

Liketochat1 · 26/07/2012 14:51

It's so lovely to read how kind people are.
Forget that horrible woman op. She sounds like she has a heart of stone.

cubbie · 26/07/2012 15:30

MsVevet

Got some clothes ready to send, they are for you. Could you PM your surname to me??
(If I can get it in the next few hours, a courier will pick up tomorrow, and hopefully you will get on Sat. Works out to be about the same as sending by post, and easier for me as the courier will pick up. If I could get my printer hooked up, I could get a better deal. oh well!!

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