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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
ThereGoesTheYear · 12/07/2012 13:04

I've got some 4yo girls things. Have PM'd you.
Ps yanbu; she's a meany.

TheSpokenNerd · 12/07/2012 13:05

I bet she feels TERRBLE now....I hope she does.

I can''t afford to buy gifts for DDs tteachers...there's 6 of them nd wth cards andpaper it's horrendous! I also have a DD in school....I have made load of heart shaped lavender bags with ribbons on them and that'll have to do but I KNOW they don't expet gifts op...they just don't.

HecateHarshPants · 12/07/2012 13:13

Some people just have no clue what "no money" means.

I have got no money

oh it's only £2

I don't have £2

Hmm

They actually seem unable to grasp the concept that no money can actually mean NO money. As in an empty purse. Or no spare money. As in if I give you this £2, I can't buy bread and milk. And it doesn't matter how many times you try to explain it to them - they just don't seem to be able to grasp it. There's clearly something wrong with them.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 13:13

Shortie3 her school colours are grey, white polo shirts and dark blue i think, trying to remember, i have moved my desk with all uni books on etc round in my livingroom to try and tidy up livingroom a bit and misplaced the list of things she has to have.. Got to finish sorting it, was going to do it today, but after this morning im kind of in a meh sort of mood now. I have got as far as 3 coffees, chatting on here and having a sandwich...Need to fix up and sort myself out!!

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 13:15

Exactly HecateHarshPants That for me is exactly right, I don't understand why some people don't understand this, when i say it i bloody well mean it. Obviously some people are born thick!!

OP posts:
financialwizard · 12/07/2012 13:16

Ignore her. You are doing something very worthwhile to give you and your dc a good future. If ignoring her doesn't work tell her to go fuck herself jump.

HecateHarshPants · 12/07/2012 13:18

Oh I know. I've been there. The number of times I heard an incredulous "It's only a pound, a fiver, ten pounds..." you wouldn't believe it. Yes, it is only a fiver, but if I give it to you, my child won't eat for the next two days.

They just can't get it. you say it loudly and in words of one syllable and they still don't get it. What part of "no money" is so hard to understand?

shortie3 · 12/07/2012 13:18

MsVelvet,
We have PE shorts in dark blue and plimsolls (rarely worn) in size 9. Will PM you to get your details. Hopefully, others will come along and help with the rest of the uniform.

pumpkinsweetie · 12/07/2012 13:19

What a total bitch, yanbu.
I would have told her to "fuck off as i have bigger fish to fry"

MigGril · 12/07/2012 13:23

Horrible women, I hat all this mums must contribute thing dreading it happening hear. I want DD to make her own card and present, we where planning on cookies as then it's from her not me.

Go talk to the cab they can help you negotiate with your creditors.

I also have some girls cloths i could pass on so please pm me. Probably some uniform to if you need gray as DD will need new skirts for next term.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 13:26

Have pm'd you shortie thankyou x

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 13:31

Pm'd you MigGril x

OP posts:
shortie3 · 12/07/2012 13:33

MigGril,
I just got the uniform list which I will PM you, if you can help. I can do the PE shorts, tracksuit bottoms and plimsolls since I have a DS and our school colours don't match on polo shirts.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/07/2012 13:37

MsVelvet
Slightly off topic. As you are in London don't forget that the South Kensington Museums are free. My 4 yr old loves the Science Museum because they have a couple of areas where the children can play with stuff
www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/visitmuseum/galleries/the_garden.aspx and the launchpad on the third floor. The do some great shows and demonstrations, DS2 loved the bubbles one.

The explorer backpacks at the Natural History Museum are another favourite
www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/daytime-events/shows-and-hands-on/explorer-backpack/index.html

All the big museums have areas where you can eat your own food and certainly the science museum has water fountains so you done have to carry drinks around.

DeepPurple · 12/07/2012 13:58

I had to come back to this thread just to see how things are going as it's been in my head all day.

It's good to see there are some lovely kind people out there willing to help.

OP - you are doing a great job balancing your training with looking after a child. Don't let anyone make you feel small.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 14:05

Im going to pick my daughter up early today to guarantee i miss the other mum, and have a word with the manager about what happened, people have been very kind to me and i will forvever grateful, and when i can i will pay it forward, i always help other when i can too, just need to hold my head high as i have done nothing wrong...Even though its made me so sad, i need to rise above it all..

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 12/07/2012 14:07

Brilliant MsVelvet. Onward and upward.

HibernoCaledonian · 12/07/2012 14:29

I might have some clothes here in your size. I've lost weight and given most of my stuff away to a charity shop but I think I have some stuff in a wardrobe (that still has to be sorted Blush) PM me if you're interested.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 12/07/2012 14:31

I have no advice at all but I just wanted to say how touched I am by the kindness shown by the MNers here - we're all just trying to do our best day to day and its heartening to see so many people helping out. I have a 4 month old DS so can't help but would if I could.

OP - she is clearly an idiot with nothing more interesting to do than organise collections and belittle people, she clearly has no idea about the value of money. You are going to have a rewarding and fulfilling career which will make your DD proud, and a loved and happy DD who understands the value of the simple things in life. Its tough now but I know who I would rather be in a few years time Grin

shortie3 · 12/07/2012 14:36

MsVelvet,
Forgot to say earlier, I will be parent rep of my nursery in Sept and I know that our reps and staff would be mortified about this. Our motto is inclusion and assistance (or something like this in a paragraph!). In your case you would have already been inundated with clothes bag (you normally see clothes being passed to younger children between mums) since we love recycling with some clothes been around 6 children now and offers of uniform.

One of the fav keepsakes was a large pebble decorated by the child and a personal message written by the parent with child's name and leaving year on it.

PE kit sorted and even found a plain baseball cap. Little thing to help with card making en route tomorrow when I pop to post office. Also, please call your new school since our PTA does second hand uniform sales which are great for logo uniform. They should be able to hopefully assist.

Please ignore horrible mum, they always exist. You have nicer things (DD) concern yourself about

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 15:23

Just got back from nursery, spoke to one of the women who runs it and was quite upset, explaining myself and what happened, she is going to speak to the manager about it, apparently the woman who was so horrible to me this morning, is on the committee? or whatever and so does the fundraising, but still even so, as i explained to the lady, if i have the money i would give it for the previous fundraising she did for the TV but i didn't and this time it was just for a leaving gift etc so nothing to do with fundraising, so i may have wanted to do something myself and not be part of a big group. Anyway, not sure what will happen next.

My house is right opposite the nursery so not long after i got in, i saw the woman speaking to some other mums after they had picked their kids up, so she was prob slagging me off no doubt, but i found out her dd is not going to my dd new school, so that's one thing i am very happy about!! But i guess there will be more mums like here about anyway.

OP posts:
Rosa · 12/07/2012 15:33

That is terrible and bang out of order. At my dd nursery there is a child in the class who's mum we know doesn't have much spare cash. For the end of year trip she found it hard to get the £3 together. The class representatives and a few other mums tactfully did not ask her for the end of year present but her dd was included in the card making and signing. I am so glad that MN is coming up trumps for you and very good luck in your last year.

Socknickingpixie · 12/07/2012 15:37

yadnbu

shes a compleate cunt, hopefully one day another person will look down on her call her names and make her feel bad.

Socknickingpixie · 12/07/2012 15:45

also some food banks have links to kids uniforms second hand, they wont mind you asking about it thats what there for you tell them the school or color and if they have it they will pass it along.whilst your at it ask for a food box to make it a little easyer for you.

i wish i had a none grown up girl because then i could help somehow im not sure my daughter nearly 19 would be happy to part with the weird leapord print rubbish she wears nor would you want your little one to dress like that Grin.
are you alright for your own clothes? jeans and stuff i have loads of almost unworn jeans ranging from size 0 up to a 14 all of them longer leg i would be more than happy to send you a couple of pairs

Scrounginscum · 12/07/2012 15:50

Mums like her bring the worst out in me. I find myself wishing something would happen to make them realise what no money actually means. Blush

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