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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
cubbie · 13/07/2012 19:14

I've also got size 16, 18 things which you could have. Not sure entirely what will see what I can sort out if you are interested. What size feet are you?

I have 2 boys age 4 and 5 and a half, so only really got t-shirts, jeans etc. You'd be welcome to anything suitably unisex.

A friend at work gives me things from her DS, I'm always very grateful. I like to pass things on when I can and am always especially happy to give to those who really need it. I'm very fortunate in that we have 2 good incomes coming in, though as I said, am always very grateful for clothes.

(I hope I don't sound patronising, I genuinely would like to help you if I can. Too bad you don't live near me, I'd bombard you with all sorts! Couldn't GIVE AWAY a dishwasher a couple of years ago!!! Finally got an ex-pupil who was delighted to have it, and I was delighted to give it.)

surroundedbyblondes · 13/07/2012 19:20

mushroomsoup, what an excellent idea! My DDs are younger/smaller than yours but I'll gladly help out with a small giftcard for the supermarket you use if you pm me your address and which supermarket.

Secret7 · 13/07/2012 19:20

I hope you manage to avoid this nasty piece of work next week.

Reading the thread and the kind offers have reduced me to tears. So many kind people.

My DD's are older so no good offering you anything but I hope your studying goes well. It'll be worth it in the end.

MsVelvet · 13/07/2012 19:25

Cubbie i have dm'd you :)

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 13/07/2012 19:41

Sorry, but can i just say that there is nothing more cute than hearing my 4yo call me from the toilet to say 'mummy can you come and wipe my bum, ive done a poo' and bless her she was dangling from the seat looking so innocent :)

OP posts:
cubbie · 13/07/2012 19:43

what size feet are you???

MsVelvet · 13/07/2012 19:49

I am a 5 -5 1/2 :)

OP posts:
cubbie · 13/07/2012 19:54

oh that's a shame, I'm a 6-7. Had a lovely pair of leather ankle boots which were too big and never got round to taking back, (toffs are careless!!!!).

Have got some make-up bits and pieces (free gifts in magazines) which I won't use, e.g. an Avon mascara I got free yesterday with Marie-Claire. I won't use them, so will send you as well, help keep your spirits up a bit!

(obviously unused and unopened. As I said, am a hygiene freak! One of my boys' favourite things to do is help me steam clean the floors!!!)

MsVelvet · 13/07/2012 19:58

thankyou :) In boots i can wear a 6 but most other things i am a 5ish, steam cleaning, well you are a better woman than me, id like to do that, but im not that organised and cleaning savvy, if i can get my dd to tidy her room it is a miracle hahaha ;)

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 14/07/2012 10:42

To the lady who sent me an envelope with 'From a mumsnetter' writtem inside, can i say i wish i know who you was to thankyou properly, I am VERY grateful, thankyou so much xxx

OP posts:
NotGeoffVader · 14/07/2012 11:39

I really wish I could help out on the clothing/shoes but DD is only 18m and I wear a 10 (all size 14/12 I used to be in already gone to charity). Although I do have a pair of (to be honest quite worn but serviceable) trainers in a size 5 if you would like them? They're a bit scruffy but still useable. No problem if not as they can easily go to the textile bank otherwise. :)

northlight · 14/07/2012 12:59

MsVelvet, i know you have said that you expect to sort out your rent this time but this charity might be worth bearing in mind if you find yourself hard pressed again before the end of your course.

www.smitf.org/page/care/fund.html

They respond very quicky and threat of eviction would be a major consideration for them.

northlight · 14/07/2012 13:07

And I had to add this tuppenceworth.

Teacher's don't expect presents and the more extravagant ones are more than a little embarrassing. Smaller gestures are more personal and touching: a home made card, some home baking, a drawing or a Hamma bead creation mean so much more.

i wish we could change this culture of competative giving and if parents really must have collections, why not give the teacher the money to buy something for the classroom or to fund a special activity that wouldn't normally happen. i'm thinking of such things as a butterfly farm kit, a really nice globe, adopting a zoo annimal, the more expensive craft materials etc. i know that most teachers would prefer that to another clutch of 'Best Teacher Ever' mugs.

i am pretty sure that if your daughter's teacher ever hears of this incident, she will, one, be as appalled as everyone on this thread and, two, take no pleasure in the wretched gift.

MsVelvet, good luck with your final year of study. On so many levels, society needs people like you.

savoycabbage · 14/07/2012 13:16

I like a pasta necklace as a present because you can wear it straight away and you know the child made it just for you and how excited they are to give you something like that.

FromAMNtter · 14/07/2012 13:35

MsVelvet

Happy to help - they were the most widely accepted vouchers I could think of!

(I've name changed for this and in the process discovered you're not allowed to have Mumsnet in your user name so no masquerading as Justine for me then Wink)

MsVelvet · 14/07/2012 21:02

Thankyou Northlight i shall have a look at the link, thanks very much for trying to help :)

OP posts:
Johnnydeppsnewmrs · 14/07/2012 21:25

I'm not promising anything OP, but I think I may have some grey school skirts that will be perfect for your DD (if not in size 4-5 I definately have some 5-6 but with adjustable waists) and possibly some other bits. If you PM me your address I will do my best to get something to you.
As for the mum - nasty woman! Luckily at our school no one really bothers with collections. Some parents do cards etc, but most just say thank you.

denise77 · 14/07/2012 21:52

Hi I have a 5 year old and in the process of sorting out clothes that are too small please pm me and I will send you some stuff as well x keep going you sound like you are doing really well to hell with the stupid cow you are a million times better than her x

BaggyAndWrinkled · 14/07/2012 22:03

OP, please PM me. I have some bits packed and ready for you. I want you to have them. Smile

MsVelvet · 16/07/2012 23:03

Just want to say today myself and my dd received some parcels etc and in the excitement of opening things and looking at stuff we threw the packages away and forgot to take note of who sent them :( I feel terrible as i wanted to pm people directly, but for some of you i cant now and i am REALLY gutted about this, please know that we have loved everything we have received so far and if i have not sent a pm to you and you have sent us something we may have thrown away your details by accident. We are very grateful and appreciate it very very much xxx

OP posts:
SoleSource · 16/07/2012 23:38

I haven't sent mine yet. If that helps :)

wizzler · 18/07/2012 19:05

I sent something MsV.. it was a package with school uniform and some other bits included a "fairy skirt" for your dd.... I just put "Wizzler" on the parcel! Let me know if this is what arrived... as if it is lost in the post I will chase it up!

MsVelvet · 18/07/2012 19:48

Hey, yes i did receive it, i shall pm you :)

OP posts:
BrianCoxhasSmellySox · 18/07/2012 20:06

awwww. This thread is lovely.

Smile

Unfortunately my DD is 8 and in size 9-10 clothes and I have nothing other than age 7+ clothes waiting to go to the charity shops, else I would have sent them to you in a flash.

My SIL is in her 2nd year of her MH Nursing degree/qualification. Her and my brother (an auxiliary nurse, aiming to do his General Nursing degree) are living with my parents as they can't afford to pay their own rent/get a deposit together. They live hand to mouth every month, they are doing this for the love of their job and in order to become qualified, they have to do this. They don't have children though.

I am the child of a one-time student nurse. Mum qualified 25 years ago, it wasn't much better then. She was a single mum, some days she would have an egg and a weetabix all day, because we needed to be fed and she didn't have enough cash to get by. I was the child with the too-small clothes.

Do you know what OP, I love my mum and admire her so much for all she did, all she went through and her tenacity and ability to carry on in the face of such hardship.

Dad is the same too, when they got back together they worked their arses off for our family.

One day your daughter will look back and her heart will swell with pride.

Do not let some narrow minded fuck-wit upset you. Take it from me, I've been there, you are a fantastic mother.

Keep going!

xx

CinnabarRed · 19/07/2012 13:06

You know, it suddenly occurs to me that the bitch nasty collection-raising mother has actually done you a good turn.

If she hadn't been mean, you would never have posted your OP.

By starting this thread, you've got to 'meet' loads of lovely MNers, who have been so kind and generous.

What sweet revenge for you!

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