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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:11

Thankyou, i am now not crying any more, think i got the tears out of my system, i will say something to the nursery, i am fuming that i was made to feel so shit. You know what, the nursery know my situation so they will understand, but no mum should be made to feel so crap, if someone does not want to contribute for whatever reason they they shouldn't be made to feel like this. Am angry i let myself get this upset, but when you try so hard to be a good person and then someone smack you in the face like that with her attitude, it hurts big time..

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:13

Hi SusanneLinder, im in West London, i have replied to you PM, thankyou for you help and advise, it is much appreciated xx

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:14

SoleSource, she love hello kitty, she calls it hello mitty kitty for some reason :)

OP posts:
SoleSource · 12/07/2012 11:17

I ahve PM'd you MsVelevet :)

RSVP · 12/07/2012 11:22

Not much to add here, this woman is clearly a bully.

As to how to react when see her next, certainly ignore and if she insists or provokes you in any way just calmly say: 'Sorry, I do not engage with bullies'.

[hug for OP emoticon ]

sleepingcats · 12/07/2012 11:25

what a horrible lady!

Regarding your financial situation, your university should be able to give you extra help. I've just finished my degree but in my second year I didn't have enough to cover my childcare for a bit so the student union paid it for a couple of weeks. They also gave out money for other things through the access to learning funds.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 12/07/2012 11:28

Fuck her and the horse she rode in on.

You and your daughter sound lovely and I'm not surprised your daughter is 'a happy little thing'; you obviously love her to pieces and give her a wonderful life.

I agree with the suggestion that you and your daughter make a leaving card. It will be very much appreciated.

And, again, fuck her. Smile

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:28

Yeh, i rang my uni yesterday to ask about access to learning funds etc, they said that this year is finished and i will have to apply in Sept i think for the 3rd year, so nothing i can do till then, just trying to keep my head above water for the time being...

OP posts:
AKE2012 · 12/07/2012 11:35

I refuse to contribute to things like this. Buying a leaving gift is not a law you dont need to. And if she still said that after you told her ur circumstances then she is a selfish cow. If i was the mum id have said no bother il put x name on anyway. But then im a nice person.

SusanneLinder · 12/07/2012 11:40

Ms Velvet

As a 2nd /3rd year Student Nurse you will have your Food Hygiene and Moving and Handling certs.Are you on the POVG register? Here are some agencies in London that you can apply to

www.team24.co.uk/allied-health/about-our-agency
www.maydayhealthcareplc.co.uk/cp_root3/h/Home/-/21/
www.nursing-agencies-list.com/nursing_agencies_in_london_england.asp

Obviously you would be a Care Assistant type job, but they pay well above min wage dependng on what shift you do.

soozeedol · 12/07/2012 11:41

I don't think that your DD's nursery should be saying to you that your child 'can't wear x as it's too small' ...they have no right to say anything about this...I'd be having a bloody strong word with them too....putting pressure on a mother because of the clothes a child is wearing...thats terrible...I'd be more offended by this in lots of ways than the horrible other mother...
I'm so sorry you are feeling so stressed and upset....I can't assist with any girlie clothes but I might be able to send you some clothes...what size jeans and what size tops do you wear????...I use ebay and am always getting sizes wrong so have a few things here that may help you out....PM me...no probs xx Smile

Viviennemary · 12/07/2012 11:48

These collections are getting more than a bit out of hand. Next time I'm asked for money I feel like saying go and ask a banker. They're the ones with the money.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:48

When she has had trousers on that are elasticated waist, they will say she cant wear them as they are too tight etc, if i thought they were that bad id not put her in them, but same with other bits too, talk about making me feel like a crap mum :/

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:50

SusanneLinder, i am qualifed first aider/cpr, also moving and handling, no food hygiene? im qualified up to a nvq level 3 i believe due to where i am on the course, currently waiting for a nurse bank interview as a care support worker in mh with nhs professionals but its not till mid/end Aug :)

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 11:52

Soozeedol i am a size 16ish at the moment, dying to get fit and lose my fat bits but just no time with all the work and studying lol thanks for offering, thats very kind :)

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 12/07/2012 11:53

Ignore the petty minded little cow. She'd have had to remove her collection tin from her arse if she wanted to use it again; if she'd said that to me Angry

minouminou · 12/07/2012 11:59

I agree that you should talk to the nursery manager about this bloody woman.
Also, I have some of DS' age 3-4 clothes if you want them.

OneHandFlapping · 12/07/2012 12:05

You spoke up not only for yourself, but for every other parent who can't afford to be dragooned into these endless requests for money.
Don't feel bad. You did the right thing.

I don't see why teachers/nursery workers need presents for doing their job anyway.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 12:08

Just want to say THANKYOU to everyone for being so kind, im just a mum and a student trying to do my BEST to get ahead in life and do the right thing, this has really upset me, but peoples kindness and advice has helped me to realise there are some decent nice people out there xx

OP posts:
shortie3 · 12/07/2012 12:38

MsVelvet,
Do you have to get your DD a school uniform for the next school year? I have a DS but polo shirts, PE shorts and plimsolls are unisex.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 12:43

Yes, i do shortie3, keep flipping forgetting about that GAH!!!! :/

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/07/2012 12:44

OP, have you been to the CAB about the payday loans?

They can give great advice on how to get off the merry-go-round so to speak.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 12:51

No, but i have done a lot of research on MSE and other similar websites, i want to cancel my card etc and then not pay them, but if they use continuous payment authority then they will prob try to take money anyway, i have heard horror stories, if i can get them off my back my life wouldn't be half as stressful and difficult. Just being very careful with what i do as right now im on a fine line what with everything finance wise. Am about to start selling all the cloth nappies i have left over from when my girl was a baba to see if i can get some extra funds that way to help pay them off.

OP posts:
shortie3 · 12/07/2012 12:54

MsVelvet,
What are your school colours? If you detail it out then we can help. Our school is light blue, dark blue and grey so I can send things if same colour

50shadesofstress · 12/07/2012 13:01

I think the ladies working at my pre-school would be very embarrassed for someone to instigate a group collection as there are of course going to be people that either don't want to or can't afford to, often people have 3 or 4 school age children so it becomes a huge expense.

We did have someone once that bought the staff quite extravagent presents then told me they couldn't afford to pay the fees that week - within about 2 minutes of giving out the presents!

It really isn't expected to have presents bought, what means the most is a thank you from the parents, the staff are often upset by no acknowledgement - even a thank you in person and not a card is fine!