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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 12/07/2012 10:26

She sounds the sort that will be wanting to make a huge OTT presentation to the teacher to make sure everyone knows she did the whip-round and bought the gift too.

Buttwart · 12/07/2012 10:26

Is she not horrible?

Sorry, "horrid" makes my teeth itch.

WerthersUnOriginal · 12/07/2012 10:27

Dear oh dear Sad Yanbu! What is it about these awful people harrassing everyone with 'collections'?Hmm There was another similar thread the other day. It's bullying; no other word for it. She ought to be ashamed of herself. Don't give her another thought.

You absolutely do not have to explain your personal reasons financial or otherwise for choosing not to contribute. A collection is voluntary.

wigglesrock · 12/07/2012 10:27

Please don't let her upset you, she's horrible and you're not Grin I wouldn't say a word to her again, not even to pass yourself.

We had a local charity caller a few months ago selling ballots - I had just come in from work and didn't have £2 on me - which I explained. She gave me a really hard time (it was a local thing), told me "she hoped I never had anyone suffer from the disease" etc, well it was the wrong thing to say to me - I followed her down the street Blush and channelled my inner fishwife [double blush].

We live month to month too - don't give her a second thought - she's a dick. Good luck with everything.

bejeezus · 12/07/2012 10:28

What size clothes does your dd need? I'm sure some of us in here could help you out?

NotGeoffVader · 12/07/2012 10:29

Not had experience of hassling from Mums about nursery 'contributions' but I have also been given a hard time by charity collector about not making a contribution. In the end I mustered as much snoot together as I could and said, "Which part of 'I have no income' do you not understand?"

Worth mentioning hassle-bitch to the nursery manager though.

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:30

Im afraid my anger rose to the surface when she called me disgusting. Im not one to keep quiet, but i wish i didn't give away too much about my personal situation as it could be used against me, im doing my best to get straight, but until i finish studying sept 2013 there is not much i can do

OP posts:
CecilyP · 12/07/2012 10:31

She is totally out of order, if you said you were skint, she should have left it there. She was being totally insensitive; you do not have to justify why you are skint.

bejeezus · 12/07/2012 10:32

Yeah, I had a charity collector say to me 'everyone can afford £10 a month'

Shock

I told him he could cover mine then

TheCraicDealer · 12/07/2012 10:32

Apparently empathy is the true measure of intelligence. Doesn't say much about her now, does it?

AThingInYourLife · 12/07/2012 10:33

"I think you should complain to the nursery about het actually. She shouldn't be hassling other parents in this way, they would be horrified."

I agree.

She is way out of line harassing people like that.

DeepPurple · 12/07/2012 10:33

What a bitch. YANBU OP.

I think she'll really show herself up if she leaves your DD's name off the card.

You don't even have to explain yourself to her. Would it be any of her business if you just didn't want to contribute? NO! Tell her to shove her collection tin where the sun don't shine.

Or even better, when you next see her, take her to one side and say "I'm so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I'm sure you went home feeling really awful about calling me disgusting just because I can't contribute to a collection you have decided to do. I'm sure you understand that I will be showing my appreciation my way."

AngusOg · 12/07/2012 10:35

Seconding Bejeezus - I have some clothes here that my granddaughter has grown out of and I would be delighted to pass them on to your little one (they'll fit 3 -5). I can't fingure out how to PM, but if you PM me, we can figure out getting them to you.

AngusOg · 12/07/2012 10:36

fingure? Figure, of course!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/07/2012 10:36

Look at it this way
When you qualify you will no longer be skint, however, she will still be an insensitive cow.

There was a thread in chat recently where people were offering children's clothes they had finished with, so you may get some offers. (Sorry - we take my sons's clothes to DH's family in North Africa or I would offer some of the unisex stuff).

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:36

Bejeezus my girl is 4, im so upset about it, i feel guilty enough when im working on placement and studying a lot, now its the summer holidays for me and i cant take her out and do all the fun stuff i want to when she finishes next fri, yes park etc but i want to take her to the seaside etc to make up for not being around, im doing this cos i want to work with people who suffer from mental health problems, i enjoy helping empower people to take control of their lives and have a better quality of life, and give me and my girl a better life..

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/07/2012 10:36

x post - the offers are already coming in Smile

Oogaballoo · 12/07/2012 10:37

Fuck her. Seriously.

I had to listen recently to my ex-husband's parents talking about how they'd had to put off having new sofas designed because they were cutting back and "times were hard". I had to bite my tongue like mad. Some people have no idea what it's like to actually need every single penny- it's not just two pounds if you haven't even got it spare to begin with.

SoleSource · 12/07/2012 10:38

What size is your DD? I can and want to help

Tell us please, it isn't begging just takes a littke stress off you worrying about her clothes. You are such an inspiration :) x

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2012 10:38

What a bitch! Shock

bejeezus · 12/07/2012 10:40

Hmm..I don't think I have any 4yo stuff. I have bigger and smaller...ill have a check and pm you if I find anything

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:41

My daughter is 4 years old, and a happy little thing who does not notice that almost all her clothes come from ebay etc, thankyou for the offers it is really kind, not even worried about myself, just want her to be happy and not look back and remember that shit times. Sorry getting really upset, i had to cancel my dentist app this morning as couldn't go there all tear stained etc.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 12/07/2012 10:42

Shoe size please..:)

wigglesrock · 12/07/2012 10:42

I have a daughter the same age and have just got some bits and pieces together to donate, you are more than welcome to them. If you pm me, I've had fantastic help from people a long time ago re depression and anxiety.

tulipsaremyfavourite · 12/07/2012 10:42

What a cow. Ignore her. If 2 quid is no big deal to her she can contribute an extra 2 quid on your behalf.