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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

855 replies

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:40

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/07/2012 10:41

YABU - why on earth would you presume they will be paying for all the drinks. I would always turn up to a wedding expecting to buy my own, and if it's a free bar then bonus! I totally agree with the groom!

chipsandpeas · 06/07/2012 10:42

i would always assume its a pay bar - anything else is a bonus

itdoesnthurttohavemanners · 06/07/2012 10:43

YABU. I've never been to a wedding where it hasn't been a pay bar?! Yes, of course, normally you get a free drink on arrival, and some wine/champagne on the table, but I would also expect to pay for any more drinks after that.

Why would you state it on the invite?

Original poster
GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:43

Really?

I've never been to a wedding where you've had to pay for your own drinks and I've been to a fair few.

I thought the grooms response was rather rude.

OP posts:
snala · 06/07/2012 10:44

Hmm of course they shouldn't have to put it on the invite!
YABVU

McHappyPants2012 · 06/07/2012 10:44

Yabu, an open bar is extremly expensive. I would never assume it was a free bar

typicalvirgo · 06/07/2012 10:44

In the evening - it would be a 'pay' bar IMO

Having said that, this does seem like an awkward wedding. Have you known your partner long ? if its only a short time maybe that was the reason for not inviting you.

WilsonFrickett · 06/07/2012 10:45

YABU. They pay for the meal, probably a drink on arrival and possibly wine for the table. The rest of it is up to the guests. I think I've only ever been to one or two weddings where it was a free bar, and I've certainly worked at 100's back in the day and free bars were very uncommon. Sometimes the couple are very generous with the wine though which means you can grab a couple of bottles for later

I appreciate you're a bit sore about not being invited initially, that doesn't sound very nice of them. On the other hand, cracks about 'having a wedding they can't really afford' doesn't make you sound very gracious either. How long have you and DP been together? Do you know the couple personally?

GnocchiNineDoors · 06/07/2012 10:45

Yabu to assume they will have a free bar.

Original poster
GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:45

I've been with my partner for 6 years... the couple have been together for two.

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 06/07/2012 10:46

No it's not normal to have a free bar, may I ask if you're American? I only ask because I believe it's the norm over there. It's really, really not here and i'd be amazed if there was one, tbh. Expect glass of fizz for speech, and wine with meal.

ChaoticismyLife · 06/07/2012 10:46

I'd expect drinks with the meal to be free but the night time to be a pay bar.

duckdodgers · 06/07/2012 10:46

YABU - what made you think they would pay for all the guests drinks all night??? Never been to a wedding yet this has happened at, mainly you might get 1 round to toast and thats that.

DawnOfTheDee · 06/07/2012 10:46

Free bars are the exception i think so YABU. And whether it is or isn't i don't think i've ever seen that specified on the invitation...

piratecat · 06/07/2012 10:47

wow, i can't believe you have never been to a wedding whereyou had to pay for drinks at the bar!!

yabu about the invite.

but i do ?? them not inviting you to the whole thing if your partner is the best man, that's odd and really rude.

MonkeyRisotto · 06/07/2012 10:47

You must mix in some well-off circles as I've never been to a wedding with a free bar either, and I've been to quite a few in my time.

I've known ones where there was a fair amount of wine/champers on offer during and after then meal, but never free booze all day. ( brain explodes at how much the bill must be at the end of the night! )

pingdriver · 06/07/2012 10:47

YABU. I would expect a drink to be provided with the food/meal during day but beyond that I always assume it is a pay bar. As others have said anything else is a bonus! To be honest if bride and groom were paying final bar bill at weddings we have been to they would be bankrupt!

Original poster
GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:47

It wasn't being "sore" about it, just laying down the foundations for why I think they are having a wedding they can't afford.

Forget to add that they said I was only invited after the meal in the evening because it was too expensive to pay for everyones food...

OP posts:
Original poster
GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:48

Nope, Not American, I'm English. Don't mix in high circles either, I'm a cockney.

OP posts:
ceebeegeebies · 06/07/2012 10:48

Really?? I have only been to 1 wedding where it was a free bar - you must mix in very different circles to the rest of the population to me!

I always assume that it is a 'pay' bar and would not feel the need to put it on an invite as that it the norm.

You do sound quite bitter tbh.

lisaro · 06/07/2012 10:49

You felt the need to ask that? WTF is wrong with you? I can see the reluctance to invite you, and TBH if you partner (of 6 yearsGrin) is as crass as you then no wonder they kept an eye on the speech.

Whatmeworry · 06/07/2012 10:49

Assume pay bar unless told otherwise - a wedding invite doesn't have to have the T&C in small print for Freeloaders.

But it does sound like its goint to be one of those weddings - take a hip flask....

curiositykitten · 06/07/2012 10:49

Wow.

I'd assume it was a 'pay' bar, unless they specified so. Surely there isn't a need to say so on the invitation.

Your partner obviously mixes in circles that are below you. Are you pissed that they've been together less time than you but are getting married first?

redexpat · 06/07/2012 10:50

When planning our wedding I'm pretty sure I read on more than one of the websites that you should tell people it's a pay bar, particularly if it's cash only and you're in the middle of nowhere. So YANBU.

Having said that, it doesnt sound as if you like them very much, so why are you going?

squeakytoy · 06/07/2012 10:50

I have only been to a couple of weddings where the bar has been free all night. The vast majority are not free. YABU.

Do you not get on with this couple very well?