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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

855 replies

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:40

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

OP posts:

PenisVanLesbian · 06/07/2012 10:50

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar. How would anyone be able to afford a wedding if they are expected to spend thousands on booze for freeloaders guests?

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:50

Crass? Oh the irony...

OP posts:

Sassybeast · 06/07/2012 10:51

YABU.
You sound like the guest from hell - starting with your demand to be invited to the whole wedding.....

Solo · 06/07/2012 10:51

YABU.

I'd expect table wine to be provided, but the bar to be a pay bar.

I always go to parties, weddings, christenings etc expecting to pay for my own drinks.

Nel1975 · 06/07/2012 10:51

I agree with itdoesnthurttohavemanners , at our wedding last year we provided a drink on arrival and wine with the meal and a drink for the speeches. At the evening reception it was a normal bar where guests had to pay. I never even considered putting it on the invite that guests would need to pay at the bar.

Glaikit · 06/07/2012 10:51

It really not the norm here to have a free bar. Toast drinks and wine with a meal are usually provided, but a free bar should not be expected.

Mrsjay · 06/07/2012 10:52

YABU most weddings have a pay bar and have some fizzywine champagne for toasting and wine on the table i have never been to a free bar wedding , they sound a nightmare your Poor husband

PenisVanLesbian · 06/07/2012 10:52

To be fair, she absolutely should have been invited to the full wedding, the best mans partner not being invited is incredibly rude of them.

AKMD · 06/07/2012 10:52

I've never been to a wedding where the guests had to pay for drinks either, so it can't be that uncommon. I'd normally take money just in case though - emergency dash to MacDonalds springs to mind...

mumnosbest · 06/07/2012 10:53

YABU I would think the opposite and only expect a free bar if it was stated.

ceebeegeebies · 06/07/2012 10:53

I do agree that you should have been invited to the whole wedding and it was incredibly rude of them not to and therefore making your DP having to go and ask.

However, does this indicate some issues that are around between you, your DP and this couple?

squeakytoy · 06/07/2012 10:54

"To be fair, she absolutely should have been invited to the full wedding, the best mans partner not being invited is incredibly rude of them"

or very awkward if they dont really get on with her..

SoupDragon · 06/07/2012 10:54

I have been to many weddings and never seen a free bar.

Free drink on arrival, wine with meal and that's it.

Pootles2010 · 06/07/2012 10:54

Ironic how OP?

OTheHugeManatee · 06/07/2012 10:54

I've never been to a wedding that had a pay bar. Personally I'd rather skimp on everything else and make sure our guests got rolling drunk. But opinions do vary, on this, as of course do people's budgets.

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:55

Curiosity kitten..

Not pissed about them getting married at all. I don't believe in marriage. My granddad had 3 wives, my nan has 2. My three cousins who are sisters have had 6 weddings between them. A few of my aunts have had a couple... My parents are unmarried and have been together since my mum was 16. I don't publicly tell people my opinions on marriage and I go to weddings happily and wish them all well, but it's not for me :)

Bride to be told my partner they couldn't afford to pay for everybodys meals. I get on with the couple perfectly fine although neither my partner or I see them regularly at all. In fact my partner and the groom are old school friends and we have only met up a handful of times since they left school (my partner is 28...)

OP posts:

DowagersHump · 06/07/2012 10:55

No, I think you should expect to pay for drinks - free bars are a bonus.

I do think they're very rude/weird for not inviting you when you are the best man's partner and writing his speech for him.

WilsonFrickett · 06/07/2012 10:56

To be fair, if you've been with your P for 6 years, you absolutely should have been invited to the whole wedding, unless they're doing a tiny meal for parents, BMan BMaid and happy couple / followed by huge party after.

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:56

Ironic that you call me crass for asking if it's normal to expect people to note it is a free bra when your response was pretty crass :)

OP posts:

mumnosbest · 06/07/2012 10:56

you definately should have been invited to both parts though.

PenisVanLesbian · 06/07/2012 10:56

Squeaky, then they shouldn't have asked him to be best man. There is an etiquette to these things.

AmberLeaf · 06/07/2012 10:56

Pay bar seems the norm these days, wine during th meal tends to be provided and champagne for the toast.

I have been to a fair few over the years where it wasnt a pay bar though, or at least there would be a large sum put behind the bar and when till was rung up past that it became pay for your own.

My background is working class. Family not well off exactly but father of the bride would pay for the wedding and putting on a nice 'spread' was important-that included drinks.

I think nowdays wedding are bigger and more is spent on things that you didn't get a few years ago so less money for booze!

I hate the trend these days for big showy weddings that the couple can't afford and the guests end up paying for.

Cut your cloth.

Quenelle · 06/07/2012 10:56

I would always assume it's a pay bar, not the other way round.

They have been very rude to you though. I would let him go on his own I were you.

Mrsjay · 06/07/2012 10:57

FWIW I was the wife of the best man a few weeks ago there all day and i didnt really know many people at the wedding i knew the groom bride and the grooms immediate family It wasnt fun and i felt a bit left out with people saying who are you

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:57

Sassy - I didn't make any demands. My partner told the groom that he was insulted that they expected me to travel up the night before (they live otherside of country) and then expected me to wait alone until 6pm to join them.

OP posts:

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