Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 34 35

Original poster

To think if people are having a pay bar they should say so on invite?

855 replies

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 10:40

I'm going to a wedding next week and my partner is the best man. The couple have been a bit funny with partner this year being very pedantic over what he can and can't write in his speech to the point he told them to write it for them. He's also been in trouble with the bride for getting the groom drunk on his stag night (a whole month before the wedding). They also originally didn't invite me, then invited me to evening only (I'll be travelling up there the night before with my partner so would have been twiddling thumbs in hotel till evening) until my partner asked for me to be invited properly.

I asked my partner to ask if it was a pay bar or free bar as I just had an inkling these two are having a wedding they can't really afford although there was no mention of it on the invite. The reply he got from groom was "Of course it's a pay bar we're paying for the wedding...

Either way, Do you think if guests are expected to be paying for their own drink it should be mentioned on the invite?

OP posts:

peoplesrepublicofmeow · 06/07/2012 10:58

here in holland the very idea of inviting someone to a party and then expecting them to buy their own drinks is ridiculous, the dutch find it amazing when i tell them how it works in England and say stuff like "well, in that case you havent invited them to your party, your just in the same bar as them".

however, the dutch are nowhere near the boozers that the british are. and free bars bring out the worst in some people.

squeakytoy · 06/07/2012 10:58

That is a fair point too MrsJay.

OP, will you know anyone else at the wedding? who are you going to be sat with?

ScroobiousPip · 06/07/2012 10:58

I think it is polite to tell guests in advance whether they will have to pay for drinks or not. It's increasingly common as people have hotel weddings but certainly not the norm (i can only think of one where I had to pay for drinks) And even pay bars are different - some take cards, some are cash only etc. Best to tell guests in advance so they are not surprised.

The whole wedding does sound a little odd though...

SoupDragon · 06/07/2012 10:59

My granddad had 3 wives, my nan has 2

Your nan has 2 wives?!

Glaikit · 06/07/2012 10:59

A free bar at a Scottish wedding would bankrupt the couple before they'd even started!

chrisrobin · 06/07/2012 10:59

I would always assume it is a pay bar, but I have never been to a wedding with a free bar.

Sunnydelight · 06/07/2012 11:00

You clearly aren't happy about the whole thing and tbh I don't blame you for being pissed off that, as the best man's partner, you weren't invited to the whole thing from the off. That is a bit strange and suggests that you and these people don't exactly get on. In terms of AUBU about the bar, I think you want to find something to snipe about - I would never assume a pay bar, is it off not to warn people? - well I didn't have the most traditional wedding (and I'm not British) so I'm not really up on the etiquette. I think you should either try and put a smile on your face, go and enjoy a day out or decline the invite and stay home BUT if you do go, do it with good grace.

lisaro · 06/07/2012 11:00

Getting your partner to ask the bride and groom to be if it's a free bar is crass. I can see why they didn't invite you originally.

usualsuspect · 06/07/2012 11:00

I've never been to a wedding without a pay bar,

It's the norm as far as I'm concerned.

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 11:01

Lol Soup.

She's on her 2nd husband

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 06/07/2012 11:01

I hear ya Glaikit. We started with the premise that we wanted to pay for everything. The wedding co-ordinator said, 'it's normal to allow half a bottle of wine per person, including toasts' and DP and I just burst out laughing. We weren't laughing when she totted up how much it would be if we paid for everything...

HappyJoyful · 06/07/2012 11:02

Think it's totally bizarre you weren't invited.. I cannot for the life of me imagine not including best mans partner as part of the wedding party, especially if you have been together for 6 years.

How do you know these people ? Do you socialise with them often ? or have they just randomly 'plucked' your DP as their best man ?

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 11:02

Fair enough lisaro - that's your opinion.

They've only seen my partner and I on a handful of occasions like BBQ's etc and we've enjoyed each others company. If you would like to believe they didn't invite me because of my personality then so be it.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 06/07/2012 11:04

Will you know other people at the wedding though, or are you going to be stuck on your own all day?

HappyJoyful · 06/07/2012 11:04

ps. Yes YABU to expect people to stipulate whether anything of the sort on the invite and have a complete cheek to ask. You generally go to a wedding because you are there to celebrate a happy time with the couple not to comment on what they can and can't afford - I can't bear people slagging of people's weddings.. the answer is simple just say you wont be going - sounds like they aren't keen to have you there anyway

GnocchiNineDoors · 06/07/2012 11:04

Are you friends with the couple? Do they know you? For example, do they know your surname?

Mrsjay · 06/07/2012 11:06

Dont get me wrong i was made welcome and all that but when dh was doing best many duties like pictures and mingiling I felt a bit awkward the night time was fine though,

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 06/07/2012 11:06

They were very rude not to invite you properly for the whole day, tbh they sound like the sort of couple that expect people to think they are doing them a favour by inviting them to their wedding.

I wouldn't expect it to be a free bar, and I prefer pay bars because then I can drink what I want and not be restricted to keep costs down. But they should provide arrival drinks, something sparkly to toast, and all drinks through the meal. Anything less than that is crap hosting IMO, unless it's a very informal celebration and people are told about that in advance.

biddysmama · 06/07/2012 11:09

ive never been to a wedding with a free bar, including my own

HopeForTheBest · 06/07/2012 11:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 11:10

HappyJoyful -

It was a bit of a random pluck.

The groom lived locally growing up, but moved about eight years ago. My partner has very rarely seen him since apart from the occasional text and facebook. As couples we've met a few times for a few bbqs etc. No problems between them.

He asked my partner to be best man and he accepted all though was a bit puzzled as to why seeing as they were close when they were teenagers and not recently.

Since then they bombard him with texts about his speech wanting to know it word for word, stipulating how many words long and what it can say. Bride went mental blaming my partner for groom getting drunk at stag do. Groom gave it the biggun saying he was gonna tell her to shut up moaning but when push come to shove both groom and bride have been bombarding him with texts demanding an apology until my partner said if they don't back off with the nonsense he would have to gracefully allow someone else be best man as he felt they were treating him like he wasn't up to standard.

It's been quite odd. I've got on with them and never had any troubles but the harassment of my partner is a bit much... although they have no awareness of how I feel about it all.

OP posts:

Supercalafraj · 06/07/2012 11:10

Can I ask what you are buying as a wedding gift?

Original poster

GlassofRose · 06/07/2012 11:11

HopeForTheBest

That is my own opinion too. I wouldn't invite people to celebrate at a party and expect them to fork out and I wouldn't invite people to celebratory meal and then ask them to pay etc.

I suppose different strokes for different folks

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 06/07/2012 11:12

yabu.

though I do think it was wrong of them not to invite you to the day.

scrambledlegs · 06/07/2012 11:12

You've really never been to a party with a pay bar .

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 34 35