To feel jealous/ resentful of people who get handouts from parents

[CJ2010]

That's it really. I seem to be surrounded by people who are being helped out with buying a house or who are being given thousands of pounds in cash. I feel so jealous.

My parents are separated and both have a few quid but I don't get any help. I feel so resentful, I can't help it. I'm skint at the moment and I feel so bitter. I look at my two DC's and I want to cry.

Please give me a talking to.

you'll get it when they go

some of us dont even get that

Oh I know how you feel, YANBU in that it isn't fair is it, but look, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you are standing on your own two feet while they are still being a bunch of overgrown children.

Loads of people will be along shortly to say YAbu but honestly, you aren't to feel a bit like that.

YABU but i see your point. Where does the jealousy get you though? Nowhere! Spend the effort looking into Ways to make your life better than wasting it coveting others.
You have 2 DC some women have none,that is just one way in which your life is possibly richer than others.
no amount of money can ever truly make someone happy if they are lacking something money cannot buy.

I doubt i'll even get it then. Don't get on with my father and I'm certain my mother will leave it all to her new bloke. I feel so fucking angry, I cannot help it. How do I manage these feelings?

its about taking control of your own life and loving yourself and what you have

when you find out how to do that

let me know

It's not true at all that 'youll get it when they go'

My parents & inlaws sold their houses to pay for sheltered accommodation/ retirement homes etc

Hmm - I think you are being a bit unreasonable but I do sympathise.

I have had parental financial help but I am jealous of people who have managed to have a second DC

But the jealousy comes from feeling entitled.. Maybe Do something that makes you feel Worth while and proud of yourself?

I genuinely don't understand when people say things like this. My father is very wealthy but has never given me a penny in my life - and I don't expect him to! No-one handed him his money on a plate, he worked hard to get where he is today and he expects his children to do the same. I have friends who've been given anything and everything they wanted by their parents but you know what? I genuine,y don't think they appreciate what they have as much as I do. I own a very small house, drive a 10 year old car and don't earn a fortune - but I saved and saved and saved to get what I want and I take real satisfaction in that. Why should your parents give you handouts? You're not a child who needs providing for! I don't want to come across as harsh but really, what other families do is none of your business, what good is being jealous going to do you?

YANBU or YABU depending on which way I look at it. It sucks when you feel like you are drowning and every other bugger seems to be paddling smugly past with a desingner life preserver but there's probably worse off that you.

I think if this is a passing blue moment/hour/day YANBU, if your obsessing about it and it's ruining your life that YABU.

euphemia " We are both professionals who have come into bits of money through parents/grandparents dying. DD will never need to worry about money as a result."

smug or what. probably cheered the op up no end

I get nothing from my parents and haven't since I left home. I get on perfectly well with them both. My Dad is a single guy in full time work with his mortgage paid, my mum is a full time carer to my half-sister who has severe learning disabilities. It honestly would not occur to me to ask them for cash (my Dad would have it, my mum wouldn't!)

I always think that grown ups (25yrs plus) who rake money from parents/PILs are a bunch if saddos. They really need to stand on their own two feet.

Yeah I'm such an overgrown child for accepting some help from my parents. Like the £250 last December when dh had been out of work for 6 months, no benefits and my part time salary keeping us a float. I should have turned them down and fuck Christmas, ds wouldn't have noticed would he?

.

Be jealous all you want.

.

Designer not desinger for goodness sake.

Make your own way. Find your own money.

My parents have money. I don't take a penny, except for small gifts for birthdays and such (my mother doesn't shop, she writes cheques).

I will get it when they go, along with my 5 brothers and sisters, but for now, I take care of myself.

I'm pretty skint, but that's my problem. It's their money.

YABU because your livelihood is your own responsibility, but I can see where you're coming from. It is irritating that seemingly so many benefit from privileges beyond their own making, but you wouldn't be complaining if the boot was on the other foot.

My brother and sister get handouts, as do their DC, but I don't and nor do my DSes. That's bloody unfair I can tell you!

"I don't want to come across as harsh but really, what other families do is none of your business, what good is being jealous going to do you?"

This.

Takingiteasy- I'm not talking about £250, I'm talking £30, 40, 50k. Big, life changing money. And they all fucking boast about it.

We have had a lot of help from my parents. They are of the opinion that it's far better to give it to us when we are struggling than when they are dead and we are settled. We don't expect it, we appreciate it enormously, my dad simply wouldn't understand or accept it if we refused.

I didn't see that makes us saddos or overgrown children. Should we be homeless on principle when there are people wanting to help?

OP, I understand how you feel!

We won't even get anything when our parents die because they've divorced, remarried and now have new families. They have both made it quite clear that they feel their obligation, inheritance wise, is to their new families. Evidently my brother and I are part of the detritus left over from their first marriage to each other and their loyalties now lie elsewhere. And now we have no contact with my mother because she (and her current partner) poses a safeguarding risk to the children so it's not even a falling out we can resolve.

Anyhoo, I understand the feelings of resentment but let them go. My brother is permanently angry and frustrated and he can bring every unfortunate happenstance, emotion, decision, disappointment down to the fact our parents "don't give a shit about us" (he means haven't funded our education/house deposits/savings for our children (their grandchildren), don't offer us money). It's unfortunate for us that we've both married people who are in exactly the same position with their families. But hey ho - at least we know we're not alone!

I can't speak for you, but for me, it's not even the money as such - although that would have been helpful, it's the knowledge that my mother's latest partner and his kids are going to benefit from the house that my dad paid for and relinquished all rights to when they divorced on the understanding that my brother and I would always have a home there. She's made it clear from the start that she wouldn't be honouring that (it was a verbal agreement so not even in the paperwork).

And that my dad clearly feels (has said) that he made a mistake in marrying her and that in marrying his second wife and having 2 more children he has been able to "put right some of his past mistakes". I don't think he really realises the implications of what he is saying when he says it to me. But he has also said outright that my brother and I are getting nothing and that it is all going to his wife and new children.