To feel jealous/ resentful of people who get handouts from parents

[CJ2010]

That's it really. I seem to be surrounded by people who are being helped out with buying a house or who are being given thousands of pounds in cash. I feel so jealous.

My parents are separated and both have a few quid but I don't get any help. I feel so resentful, I can't help it. I'm skint at the moment and I feel so bitter. I look at my two DC's and I want to cry.

Please give me a talking to.

My parents have some money but they have never helped us (more my dad) which is fine and we have never expected it, doubt we will see any when my dad goes as he is a miserable auld man. Did see some a few years ago, but my mum had to die an early, horrible death for us to get it - not really something to be jealous about.

I'm not really an adult yet and my dad's going to pay for some things at uni, and he's paying for a lot of holiday this summer. Yeah, I'm spoilt, except not really cos I am v. v. grateful, and his parents did the same for him, and I can imagine how fun it must be to have a kid you can have this kind of fun with- planning a trip, reminiscing....if I ever have a kid I'll gladly pour money into travelling for them! If you're not too attached to money it's not a wrench giving it away. If you're not too attached to money you don't get taken aback when you're not offered any. Simple.

Quirelquarel, there is a little more to life than going on holiday, paying for your kids to go on holiday and planning a holiday with your kids. And it's not about 'being attached to money'. Being a child, you have not been subject to any financial responsibility. Good for you, but I would think you're qualified to tell adults - 'simple'. Good luck with growing up.

That should had read - 'you're HARDLY qualified to tell adults 'simple'

Agree with Olympic.

Quirrel- When you've got kids to feed and bills to pay you can't help feeling "attached" to money.

It's kind of a luxury to be able to "detach" from money and its responsibilities and importance when you need to pay the mortgage and buy school uniform.

Have to say, I was a bit taken aback with quirrel's rather simplisitic view . If only it was all about having fun and planning trips...

Oh yes - I love having fun with the dcs. Unfortunately life sometimes gets in the way.

There was a thread a while back which talked about how much was enough. The overall feeling was that enough was not having to worry. Real life (for me anyway) involves deciding whether this month's extra spending is school shoes or new coats. It's that basic. So in that way I can totally understand the OP's feelings.

The trick is to be envious but not jealous. And try not to resent. It gets you nowhere. But it's damn hard when life is about necessary choices rather than what to get that's on the wish list.

You can be resentful of anything you perceive other people to have (money, career, children, clean bill of health, 2nd home, yacht, designer clothes).

This isn't about people who have more money, it's about your (non) relationship with your parents.

I have had n othing but a friend was given 65k!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Towards her and her dp,s house. Pissing unfair but truly wouldnt make me happier. For e.g, she has rancid legs and a face thats very flat so her 65k house buyers extravagwnza donation wont help her bottom half. Triple miaow on my part. ...

Would be idyllic to have a small mortgage but i dont like cash gifts as i would feel uneasy ... Are they meant to be paid back? Guilt? Etc.

My mother wouldnt give me the steam off her piss, nor would i want it, and my dad would just give me a lecture about what a horrid person i am.

$?$?$?$?$?$$?£££££££££$?$¥¥$??$¥¥££££££££. A little patteern which will probably not cheer up us Who have not been donated tooooooooo.

This isn't about people who have more money, it's about your (non) relationship with your parents.

I disagree. I have a good relationship with my parents (mostly) and they have never given me anything for a house, driving lessons, or anything. I still love them and still tut to myself at my friends whose parents give them the entire deposit on a brand new house.

It's OK to feel a bit envious from time to time, it's part of life's wide range of emotions, as long as it doesn't dominate or embitter you.

yanbu to be envious (who can help that?).My mum died when i was a teenager, my dad doesnt give me anything or even really speak to me much despite having a great relationship growing up. I certainly wouldnt dream of going to him with any problems financial or otherwise. He earns a decent living from what i can see and he has told me that he has paid thousands towards my step sisters university fees (she is not from this country so they were aparently very high). At first I cared but now I just dont -I am taking from this a strong desire to be there for my children and help them - everything I do i think about their futures and helping them along. I have savings for each of them and hopefully will be able to make it so that they dont struggle and can follow what they want to do when they are older - not just spend their teens and twenties surviving like I have.
Oh and my dad has now left his (third) wife and is with a 24 year old - all i can say is "meh"

Quirelquarel, there is a little more to life than going on holiday, paying for your kids to go on holiday and planning a holiday with your kids. And it's not about 'being attached to money'. Being a child, you have not been subject to any financial responsibility. Good for you, but I would think you're qualified to tell adults - 'simple'. Good luck with growing up.

In my scenario, where my parents aren't struggling with money and it's about a child rather than a grown adult, yeah, it is pretty simple. It depends on every situation, obviously. The reason I came in with my example is that a lot of people are kind of snobbish about 'help' from parents even at this age, let alone at 10+ years older. They could tell me that of course they weren't going to fund any holiday plans, look at the other kids who do it all themselves. I mean, this thread is all about transferring money down to the next generation, isn't it, it's disposable income that (in my case) the recipients don't need- so in this case, they don't have to be attached. In fact I don't understand your point- I wasn't talking about people who would really need extra help. Just people who could be criticised for making a decision like this...well, anyway.
Thanks, think I'll need it! :)

Oh dear, just read my original post back and it doesn't sound at all like what I mean. Should have made it clearer. Sorry, I see why you'd say that now. Do ignore me!