HMS Mumsnet - all hands on deck

[HRHBumpingFuglies]

Let us not abandon our trusty vessel in stormy seas of missing posts!
Let us raise her sails and speed elegantly into mountainous waves life!
We shall fend off the troublemakers pirates!
Defend the site realm!

Sod 'em all, lets take it back! Who's on the crew?

I'm back! And apologies captain !
(whoever that may be)

I was putting the sea urchin to bed!

Pie you say?! What sort?

Anyone for some more rum??

Rum pie!!

Is anybody actually steering this ship? We've sailed past that lighthouse 3 times.

Has everyone passed out from all the rum?

Might be a bit soggy LST. Throw some figs in to stop the scurvy.

Oi HRH! There's seamen all over the poop dick!

I last saw HRH hanging off the front of the ship, arms stuck out Kate Winslet stylee.

Oh sorry do you need me now HRH
Port 180 full steam ahead

Seamen on the poop dick, Vit C, Rum Pie, roger and Kate Winslet. Whoda thunk it? And MrsS is driving! I see the ship has been in good hands!

Pirates of the Carribbean is on! Does anyone else think Keira Knightly has a big chin?

I don't think Keira Knightly has big anything. Maybe her ego?

You will have to excuse me I am jumping ship as its the final episode of Gray's tonight and as you are only showing JK I need to go to the matriArk

I like her big chin.

Ahem. >

This is the MN Shipping Forecast

The general synopsis at 2100:

ViQueen:

North 4 or 5, occasionally 6 later.
Moderate
Showers
Good

Northern Type

North (of course) owt, occasional fag later
Mardy.
Dowly. Bloody rain. Always bloody raining ont' moors
Fair t' middlin/ey up.

Southern Softy

South 1 or 2.
Fabulous.
Super weather for a picnic, darling
Waitrose.

Farties

Back passage - gale force 9 with follow-through
Rough as a badger's arse
Pebble dash
Smelly

Wine

Down the hatch, 3 or 4 bottles, sick later
Completely mullered
Foggy
Kebab

Dogging

Asda car park, 69
Knee-trembling
Golden showers
Windows steamed up/torch beam

Fishnet

10 denier
Sheer
Control top
Gusset

German Bight wtf?

Bumsex

Friday night, once or twice. If you must.
Centre Parcs
WD40

AIBU

Every which way - hurricane force 5000, deletions later
Shouty
Bitch plop
Hazy

Fight

(see AIBU above)

Biscuit

Pass-agg, 4 or 5
Bun-fight
Crumbs in cleavage
Up yours

FitBoy

....oh, you get the drift. Fuck that for a game of sailors.

:o :o

Hahahahaha!!

Oh God that reminds me of listening to the shipping forecasts when I couldn't sleep. They were never as exciting as that though.

Ha ha
Permission to take to my hammock Cap'n?!

By the way, all you prospective matelots - I have plenty of uniform for sale.

Lord Turnip probably might not won't notice a few bits missing.

What'll you give me for this RN greatcoat? (No moth holes - a few nutty wrappers in the pocket)

Ha! talc I have a bag full of stuff I'm about to return to stores
What size is that greatcoat?!?

Er - huge?

About a 42/44" I'd say.

Just what you need for Gib in the summer

A little big for me

signing in captain

He'd murder me.

He loves that smelly old coat

Pretends to do The Cruel Sea bit with a mug of cocoa.