HMS Mumsnet - all hands on deck

[HRHBumpingFuglies]

Let us not abandon our trusty vessel in stormy seas of missing posts!
Let us raise her sails and speed elegantly into mountainous waves life!
We shall fend off the troublemakers pirates!
Defend the site realm!

Sod 'em all, lets take it back! Who's on the crew?

I would look hideous and enormous in it but I am sure nobody would be judgey on this ship.

HRH - have you considered a rank/departmental structure for HMS Mumsnet?

You obviously have to have a CO (which MrsSnaplegs has so selflessly volunteered to be after seeing the size of the Captain's quarters due to her commissioned status) and a First Lieutenant - her second in command.

Then you'll need your warfare department. If you are serious about detecting and countering any attacks from marauding fleets of huge pink sparkly frigates and destroyers, firing salvoes and broadsides of Sea Heart missiles, Mine All Mines and Ticker torpedoes - then you'll need a highly trained warfare department.

You'll need some stokers - it's traditional that the more hairy-arsed amongst the Ship's Company should take on this role. Mumsnetters may have to undergo an appropriate level of Undercarriage Foliage Assessment to determine their suitablilty for this department. They may want to bring their own boilersuits (with contrasting wide leather belt, nice lapels, cropped legs and some super tailoring/darts at the waist. Nice with a lacy camisole underneath - very 80s).

Logistics - Mumsnetters need supplies. HMS Mumsnet won't get very far without copious supplies of cake, sausage rolls, tea and wine. They won't be happy sleeping on anything less than 6,000 thread-count linen and duckling-fluff filled duvets and pillows. They'll want paying too. Christ knows why - but people seem to want a wodge of the folding stuff at the end of each month as well as having the privilege of serving on one of Her Majesty's finest.

Talc that is genius!!!!!! again

Talc - we're all in charge, no structure

But you can do warfare I can't be bothered

I do agree on the Undercarriage Foliage Assessment - hairys can do the stoking

Most important however are the supplies - I say we nick them off the sparkly frigates

A word in your shell-like Talc do you have a lot of time on your hands, what with the pictures an all?

And you forgot the sporners for the squeezing of boils and suchlike

Sound the KLAXON!

Supply run starts at 1900 - load the cannons sailors!

Tee hee Talc, though I have just snorted rather loudly and now everyone in the office is looking at me

Are you suggesting piracy?

That's not going to do much for entente cordiale, is it?

< contents of wardroom bar plundered from last skirmish with pink submarine

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HRH - the pictures really don't take that long you know. I'm not doing it work or anything. Honest

Have we sunk?

I was below deck counting my doubloons.

I am in the dark room doing last feeds secretly and reading stories. I'll be out in a bit.

Gah! Sorry crew! Shall be back with you forthwith (or even fifthwith)

Talc's in charge, and MrsS and all of ya guttersnipes!

Sparkling - Crows nest with your 'noclyears the right way round!

ICEBERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >

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Tricked ya!

Grrrtftttcockwankeinggrrrtfftaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh!

Nope. Didn't get me Talc. Har har har, most amusing.

What's going on? Did some one shout iceberg?

Where's the rum?

Arr me 'arties!
Where be the rum?

That be better!!!!
Bloody hell! who said iceberg, surely you mean ice cubes for the drinks!!!!!

Apologies for being AWOL - have been defending the faith for real sailing a desk but also occupied on a serious thread elsewhere

Talc - you've been promoted to local acting - get over here and take the wheel
And no you don't get local acting pay

I wish I had a Job Title

Ahem. Sparkling

I slur when I'm on the rum...

Take the wheel? That's a job for a feisty youth!

I don't mind sitting in the comfy chair in the middle of the bridge and barking a few commands, though. I'll put me dark glasses on so I can ogle that young snotty's arse in the tropics shorts and nobody will ever know

Sod it Feak - your promoted - title is "acting leading hand chief ship steerer"
Happy?

YES!

I feel very important. I think we should steer..... That way!