AIBU to be annoyed at a so called female 'friend' demanding to go on my fiancee's stag do?

[RidingHood]

We are getting married next month and as such my husband to be is having a stag night on the 16th - he has a small group of male friends and they will be going on the stag do along with male members of both our families.

One problem is that one of his friend's girlfriend has invited herself to the stag party and I am not particularly happy about this. My fiancee has insisted that she mentioned going with them and he didn't say she could or couldn't but she claims that he said she was more than welcome.

I told him he had to put her straight but instead he got his best man to tell her, and I have now heard all sorts about her calling me a b**ch and basically calling me behind my back - but I really don't think it is unreasonable of me to expect the stag party to be purely male.

She doesn't have any female friends (which makes me wary in the first place) and all the other guys seem to be backing her and saying 'she's one of the lads'. She has even invited one of the other boys fiancees to the party as well - which it is not her place to do so.

So am I being overly insecure or unreasonable or am I right to stand my ground and expect a traditional and respectful approach? I just want everything to be proper!

YABU, it's up to your DF, you are in danger of sounding like a control freak IMHO.

Look - if this girl was going to make off with your man or some other guy in the party she could do it anywhere and anytime - not just at the party. I'm afraid you're looking a bit peevy - it's your fiances party, not yours and it should be up to him who goes.

I'm amazed this male-only party didn't give Miss Tagalong the elbow earlier tbh. Her boyfriend must be a bit of a wet blanket. She's not invited to the wedding is she?....

Is your future husband incredibly rich and handsome? No. Then not every woman in the world wants him.

YABU

And, it's not up to you. Is your future husband bothered by her being there?

If you and you DP know for a fact that she was calling you bitch behind your back then I think your DP really needs to have a word because that's unnacceptable. If she's his mate then why slag off his partner?

You're jealous for some inexplicable reason. He can invite who he likes - you don't get to decide who his friends are - it's his party.

If she doesn't have any female friends, then how come she has invited another woman to the do?

You sound jealous. If I was having a hen do then I would want my friends there - male AND female!

If she's one of the boys then fair enough. I'd much prefer a stag do to a hen night (not that I particularly like either). I have more male than female friends and I hate this stupid compartmentalisation of the sexes.

And if she doesn't have any female friends how has she managed to invite one of the other fiancees to the party?

Well really I'd say it was up to your fiance whether he wanted her to go or not. My DH didn't have a stag do as such - more of a camping weekend, and females were invited and welcome to come (I was invited and welcome to come as well actually, I turned it down).

I wasn't actually thrilled at the idea about there being girls there, more because I'm the jealous and insecure type who never feels good enough - so I have a propensity for feeling threatened. However, knowing these are my issues I didn't protest. And when it came down to it I knew nothing would occur. Can I ask why exactly you are having such an issue with this? Is it just insecurity? If so, like I had to, I think it would be good to take a step back, remind yourself that nothing will happen and let them get on with it. So YANBU to want it to be traditional and respectful, but YABU to insist on it - there are plenty of non-traditional stag dos these days.

Is it his friend or his friends gf?

If its his friend - yabu

If its not - yanbu

I really think it is up to your DP who goes to his stag do. My best friend is a man and I would have hated my DH to have dictated that he couldn't go on my hen do. He never would have done that though. I wouldn't marry someone that controlling.

Sounds like there's more to this than just the stag do.

Has she given you any reason not to trust her?

Sounds as though you don't like her which is fair enough but It's your DF's choice who he wants there.

You sound insecure if I'm honest!

I think you've every right to be annoyed, based on what you know and have told us this woman seems to be shoehorning herself in and trying to take over.

However I've been on two stag nights because I was good friends with the grooms to be, I've known other women to be invited to stag nights on the same basis and there was no monkey business, at least on my part. I think you may need to seperate this as an issue.

In the end I think it's down to your DH to be to decide who he wants on his stag night and to have the horns to tell anyone he doesn't want to be there not to come.

Yabu

She's one of the guys girlfriends, not some random hubby-bait.

YABVU

All you've really mentioned in your OP is you, you, you.

It's his friend's girlfriend. It's not that I'm insecure about him running off with her, I know there's no way that would ever happen! It's more the fact that she invited herself and the other girl was one of his other friends girlfriend (they have been pushed together by the 'gang')

I don't think my partner would be very impressed if my friends' husbands were tagging along on my hen!

I think my issue is really if I can't go and enjoy his stag night with him for traditions sake, then why the hell should they get to?

So if the others girlfriends are welcome, presumably you are too?

I wouldn't want to go on a hen do with someones bf there tbh.

It's a bit weird but I reckon it may stem from her not trusting her boyfriend. I'd feel bad for your DP and his mates because if two girlfriends are now going it'll put the other ones with partners in a tricky spot.

YAB a bit U. But calling you a bit h behind your back is unacceptable and if your STBDH is aware of that and hasn't pulled her up on it then that a bit out of order. My friend invited 3 male friends on her hen do (2 gay, 1 straight) and they were the life & soul of that party; if it hadn't been for them the whole thing would have been an utter fiasco.

You cannot dictate who does & does not go on his stag do, the same way you'd probably be a bit annoyed if he made comments about your hen do guest list.

I think the difference is (from what I gather) she isn't the DP's friend but a girlfriend of a friend.

if it's a girlfriend of one of his friends who is going I really can't see what you are insecure about

YABU, surely its up to your DF who comes to his stag party?

My fiancee has insisted that she mentioned going with them and he didn't say she could or couldn't but she claims that he said she was more than welcome

There you go

If he really didn't want her there, I'm sure he would have said.

He doesnt want her there either - as I said she invited herself

I've told him he should have nipped it in the bud there and then. I suppose I should apologise for finding it strange and saying that I wasnt comfortable with it, you're right if he could take or leave her being there then I shouldn't have gotten involved.