AIBU to be annoyed at a so called female 'friend' demanding to go on my fiancee's stag do?

[RidingHood]

We are getting married next month and as such my husband to be is having a stag night on the 16th - he has a small group of male friends and they will be going on the stag do along with male members of both our families.

One problem is that one of his friend's girlfriend has invited herself to the stag party and I am not particularly happy about this. My fiancee has insisted that she mentioned going with them and he didn't say she could or couldn't but she claims that he said she was more than welcome.

I told him he had to put her straight but instead he got his best man to tell her, and I have now heard all sorts about her calling me a b**ch and basically calling me behind my back - but I really don't think it is unreasonable of me to expect the stag party to be purely male.

She doesn't have any female friends (which makes me wary in the first place) and all the other guys seem to be backing her and saying 'she's one of the lads'. She has even invited one of the other boys fiancees to the party as well - which it is not her place to do so.

So am I being overly insecure or unreasonable or am I right to stand my ground and expect a traditional and respectful approach? I just want everything to be proper!

I think I would take the attitude that the stag is now mixed so I'd tag along too. It's not like they can object if they have at least one, possibly two women there already.

But he didn't say she couldn't go.

To be honest, I would have thought her DP would be more pissed off than anyone

Why harm can she do, spending the evening with her DP and your DF's friends?

But it is weird though right?

I think it's controlling that she invited herself in the first place tbh.

Completely different if she was a pal of the groom, but she isn't

I would find it just as odd and controlling if a friends dh invited himself to a girls night out/hen do.

Stag do aside, what else is it about this girl that you don't like?

Is your DF allowed to have a life away from you?
As you said in your other post 'if she's allowed to go why can't I?

YANBU. She shouldn't be on a stag night. I'd say something like oh is it a couples night out now. And be tempted to go myself.

I would do the same odd boots.

It's obviously now a couples night out instead.

Yabu - it's not your do, it's your df's.
He probably DID tell her she was welcome to attend, then changed his story when he saw your face about it.

What does it matter...really?

Are you put out by her confidence?

The part I am struggling with is she has invited herself to the groom's stag do and is calling the bride a bitch. I would suggest she revoked her invitation....well, her self-invite!

But why would anyone want to go on their DF's stag night?

I don't think I would...couples or not.

I'd sooner he got on and enjoyed himself in the same way I'd enjoy myself without him on my hen night.

I wouldn't consider his guests any of my concern.

When he told her that he didnt think she should go she cried and has refused to speak to him since, so i dont think she will be going. She's really made it uncomfortable for him.

There are various reasons that I don't like her, I wont go into too much detail but let's just say her recreational activities are questionable, and she carries out such activity in the presence of her 8 month old baby...

But I can live with that as it does not directly affect my htb or my family.

I just don't like the way she has almost forced herself onto this and it seems a bit pathetic to latch onto it in this way, out of courtesy I did even invite her to my hen night and she didnt even acknowledge me.

The woman is crashing the OP's husband to be's stag? WTF?!

Yes I can see why you think this is completely bizarre.

I have a feeling she is worried about what her boyfriend might get up to as well.

Maybe your husband didn't want to appear rude by saying she couldn't be there. Maybe she's given his friend some sort of ultimatium - either I'm coming too or you can't go.

I feel bad for your DH having this happen to him. For that reason, don't make it a jealous thing on your part, try not to give him too hard a time, he may need help figuring a 'way out' so to speak.

She has told her partner that he can't go now, as has the other girl. It's really horrible for him and I feel like it's all my fault for expressing how uncomfortable I was with it. If I'd known it would go this far and hurt him in this way I would never have said anything.

She sounds like the controlling loon.

I had a feeling there would be an aspect of control about it.

If this was a posters dh forcing himself on a hen do with her there'd be cries of controlling bastard, abuse and leave the fucker.

I don't understand why it makes you uncomfortable but it seems odd that he clearly doesn't want her there but seemed unable to tell her straight.

I can't imagine anything worse than going to a stag do ... bit strange if you ask me.

Unfortunately he's not the best at putting people straight and speaking his mind, he's the shy and reserved type.

Maybe that's why I feel it's my responsibility to make sure he doesn't get taken advantage of.

You know what? If you'd just kept your nose out and NOT expressed your big opinion over something which is so frankly trivial, none of this would be happening now. The woman would've gone along to the stag night and all would be well. It would've affected everyone not a single jot.
Now he's lost two of his mates from the night out because of this fall out over NOTHING. Just so you know....it is the height of rudeness to un-invite people to social occasions.
Well done.

Well I wouldnt be very happy at all! It is weird that she wants to go, everyone knows that stags are for boys and hens are for girls. Thats just how it is. She sounds either depserate for attention or completely paranoid.

Its seems to happen quite often though, it happened with my BIL's stag, he said a straight no and his friends GF kicked off big style and tried to stop his friend going, so he dumped her :o Its also happened with a couple of friends stags with GF's wanting to come and being very pissed off when told they cant. I dont understand why they would want to!

If I announced I was going to a friend of my husbands stag with him I would be about as popular as a smack in the gob!

Tbh, this is nothing to do with you, your DP can deal with it. It's not your decision to make who goes to the stag do.

I think your drip feeding has not helped matters. Based on your OP YABVU and completely ridiculous to be insecure about this, female friends go on stag dos all the time.

The information you have given further down makes this more about the person in question than yourself, so I don't really know how to call this one, other than to reiterate that this is your DP's situation to handle.

Sorry Pictish but I think it's actually quite rude and strange to invite yourself on a stag night when you are female.

Pict she wasnt fucking invited!!

Its hardly the fault of the OP that this limpet invited herself along and her DH isnt the type to just tell her to sod off. He asked the best man to make it clear it is boys only (which is actually part of the best mans job, ensuring the stag goes smoothly) and she has taken offence.

Its her own bloody fault for trying to shoehorn her way into an event that she had no place at and no invitation to in the first place!

and I would say that OP has more right to a "big opinion" than you do!

You've still created shit when there didn't need to be any though, haven't you?

It's not really a stag do if girlfriends etc. go along is it?