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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at a so called female 'friend' demanding to go on my fiancee's stag do?

250 replies

RidingHood · 28/05/2012 16:45

We are getting married next month and as such my husband to be is having a stag night on the 16th - he has a small group of male friends and they will be going on the stag do along with male members of both our families.

One problem is that one of his friend's girlfriend has invited herself to the stag party and I am not particularly happy about this. My fiancee has insisted that she mentioned going with them and he didn't say she could or couldn't but she claims that he said she was more than welcome.

I told him he had to put her straight but instead he got his best man to tell her, and I have now heard all sorts about her calling me a b**ch and basically calling me behind my back - but I really don't think it is unreasonable of me to expect the stag party to be purely male.

She doesn't have any female friends (which makes me wary in the first place) and all the other guys seem to be backing her and saying 'she's one of the lads'. She has even invited one of the other boys fiancees to the party as well - which it is not her place to do so.

So am I being overly insecure or unreasonable or am I right to stand my ground and expect a traditional and respectful approach? I just want everything to be proper!

OP posts:
Original poster
RidingHood · 29/05/2012 11:18

I think that it has been made difficult for them to attend yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
RidingHood · 29/05/2012 11:18

Oh and their DD is being christened this weekend, we've been told that only one of us can go, and see how we like it.

Naturally, neither of us will be going!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 11:26

I just cant believe these people!
(not saying I dont believe the thread)

It must be the girlfriends not allowing their partners to go on the stag do without them.

Do they know something about the plans for the stag that you dont?
Something their partners have told them?

Ie, are they privy to some information that you are not?

Original poster
RidingHood · 29/05/2012 11:29

Perhaps, but I have to say I'd rather not know what antics are planned or will happen on the stag!

This whole thing has just been blown way out of proportion now.

I'm just going to put it down to these two mares being totally pathetic and not wanting to miss out on a night out with their 'gang'.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 29/05/2012 11:33

They sound very immature really - a christening is hardly comparable to a stag do!

Floggingmolly · 29/05/2012 11:37

I thought the whole point of a stag party was that it's all blokes? Confused
Why have separate hen and stag do's if you can all pile in together?
If it's just a general free for all, why don't you and your mates go too?
It wouldn't occur to me to imagine I'd be welcome at a stag party, fwiw, maybe I'm odd.

Original poster
RidingHood · 29/05/2012 11:38

The gf of the friend in question has a very strange mindset, in her head, they have a 'gang' made up of her, and a load of her bf's mates and then their girlfriends. And none of them are expected to have any other friends.

I refused this way of life, I have my own friends and I have no need to hang around with my bf's friends I'd rather pull teeth and we do things with other couples as well, outside of a bar/pub/smoking den which she doesn't seem to understand the concept of.

This must be like she doesn't like me.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 29/05/2012 11:42

Was she invited to the hen do?

I'd consider her behaviour odd and impolite whether she had invited herself to the stag or the hen.

And then the picky bit about the christening? Stupid sad woman - very immature.

Original poster
RidingHood · 29/05/2012 11:45

Yes I did invite her to the hen do, both in person and via Facebook. She did not even acknowledge it. She clearly thinks she is above us mere women.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 11:47

They seem like no loss.

A "pub gang" is worth very little compared to friends you do other things with.

manicbmc · 29/05/2012 11:47

What a rude woman! Glad you've got it all sorted and hope she just doesn't come to the wedding.

teaaddict2012 · 29/05/2012 11:49

I Think you're getting a hard time here OP.

Does this stag do involve a hotel room stay etc? I think thats relevant Its highly disrespectful for someone who is about to marry you to spend a room with overnight with another woman it sets a bad tone IMO.

I kinda feel for her partner though, why does she have to come along? why can't her bf have a stag do without her?

The fact she has been calling you names is unacceptable why has your fiancée let that slide and allowed her to come along that would worry me tbh.

So she's either a control freak or a manipulative slag or both to quite honest.

OTheHugeManatee · 29/05/2012 11:50

She sounds very odd. Well done for sorting it out, OP, and I'm glad you and your DH to be are on the same page about it all.

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 11:51

I would uninvite her from the wedding based on her backstabbing you and calling you a bitch. What unpleasant people.

Floggingmolly · 29/05/2012 11:51

Only one of you can go to the christening and see how you like it??? ?
She sounds spectacularly dim. She was invited to the hen party, but is sulking because she'd prefer to go to the stag. Hmm Tough shit! Who actually needs friends who act like this?

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 11:53

Good point. Maybe message her back and say "You both had invitations, you to the hen and your partner to stag, actually. But dont worry, neither of us are able to make it to the Christening. I hope your baby's big day is fab"

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 11:54

She has actually snubbed you, and insisted to latch on to your husbands event. What a pathetic cow.

OTheHugeManatee · 29/05/2012 11:57

I agree with Quint - uninvite her. If she were to come to the wedding from what you've said I reckon there's a near 100% probability that she'd look for a way to make the day all about her. You don't need that.

Original poster
RidingHood · 29/05/2012 11:59

They are my DHTB's guests, I have told him I don't think that they should come based on this drama, he said that they probably wont.

I suggested that we are the ones that tell them that they can't to prevent giving them further ammunition. He said he'd rather just leave it.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 12:01

Have the actual invitations gone out, and have they rsvpd in the time given?

NovackNGood · 29/05/2012 12:01

You are coming across as rather jealous and controlling. If she wants to go then that is up to your boyfriend and no one else. Perhaps she's a lot of fun and that's why he wants her there. You not wanting her to be their comes across as being rather bitchy.

bogeyface · 29/05/2012 12:01

I would have had them still at the wedding to keep the peace.......right up until the Christening thing.

That is absolutely pathetic, and you should tell them so. Why the bloody hell should you pay to have these people at your wedding when they clearly dont give a toss? I also agree with Othe that she will find a way to get the attention onto herself on the day, and you dont need to be worrying about that.

I realise it is bad form to uninvite people, but as ettiquette doesnt seem to bother them, why let it bother you? I do wonder if the mate will come back with his tail between his legs in a few years though, after he has had enough of his bitch GF!

akaemmafrost · 29/05/2012 12:01

This would piss me off too but I can't really articulate why so I am probably unreasonable also.

bogeyface · 29/05/2012 12:02

RTFT Novack Hmm

akaemmafrost · 29/05/2012 12:02

"Oh and their DD is being christened this weekend, we've been told that only one of us can go, and see how we like it." Grin

Really? What a pair of twats!