To not be interested in what my mum (67) has been up to all week ?

[Willowisp]

My mum runs some sort of activity week, where (IMO) she queen bees around, eats lots of cake (already fat) & refers to it as a 'holiday'. She has a great time, but I'm not interested. (miserable boot face emoticon)

She's just rung me, given me a breakdown of how they all enjoyed it/gave money/did a whip round/bought thank you presents. Great.

Then she's told me she's babysitting (for free) for her (crafty neighbour who asks her 2-3 x a week) & is cross because I've shown no interest.

When her mum was alive, she lapped up everything & rewarded her with lines of "oh aren't you good/great/super" "how wonderful" etc.

Then she proceeded to tell me what she's doing in the garden....in minute detail..

I'm in my 40's, I've got my own family - kids, pets, washing & ironing & quite frankly a "I'm back from x & had a great time" is all I need. I don't bore her with the minutia of my day(s). Nor have the self importance to embellish & boast about something she's been doing for about 8 yrs.

Yes, I am an old bag & most likely, incredibly UR, but I just had to get it off my chest before I ate all the chocolate in the house.

mrs DeV I meant I am genuinely and that we're not 'allowed' to mention death or dead people on MN. Why not. I'm really sorry to hear your dd died and as a bereaved parent your input and contribution should be respected absolutely if you want to mention that as your experience. Surely AIBU posters are seeking a range of different viewpoints.
Why should people not sometimes stop and think and appreciate what and who they have while they're there because none of us is here forever. I am sorry to you and other bereaved parents who have been told 'it's not the point' because people don't want to contemplate that loss themselves.

I think the OP and thread title is what's brought on a lot of people who've lost mums because there are plenty of other complaining about relative threads where that doesn't happen.

Can I also reiterate that missing your mum does not equate to having had a great relationship with her or not reading the thread or not understanding peoples' need to vent. If you read the OP it does differ greatly IMHO from what OP says later on, which I think explains some responses. If OP had just sought to vent and explained the 'real' situation then I think that would have elicited a different response (not saying she should have to, just saying)

Which is why I am frustrated at people NOT reading the thread and simply using the op as a target got their anger at their loss.

Perhaps you could look at it like this, if this was a site predominatly for people to discuss issues relating to their parents - would you think it practical or appropriate for you to police te boards castigating anyone complaining about their mother?

This is a parenting site and as much as I am tempted sometimes it is not my place to point out how people should appreciate their children.

I will be devastated when I lose my mother. Perhaps even more so because it will mean the end of any chance at resolution and honesty.

I honestly do not think any other group of bereaved people would get away with the comments on this thread, particularly given the context of the ops relationship.

Where does it end though? I want to moan about my mum.... At least you've got a mum. I had a crap meal in a restaurant last night..... Well at least your not starving my car is broken down .... Well at least you can walk.

There is always someone worse off than yourself, always.

If we all followed that logic we would never be allowed to complain about anything, ever.

I totally understand those points and like I said, it's not like this gets raised on every thread

Probably the OP Sandy. If someone has a lost a mum they had a great bond with it would push buttons.
But to a lot of us it the 'think yourself lucky' comments pushed buttons too iyswim?
Both groups would feel that slap in the face equally I would imagine.
But the op went on to explain more and that is when those comments became Inapropriate IMO.

yes totally agree mrs DeV

At least they have GOT two pennies everlong ive only got one!

I don't think you should be expected to be supportive and encouraging to people who weigh you down with the minutaie of their life, time after time, but never demonstrate any interest or genuine caring for you.

In fact the constant suppressing of irritation and disappointment (that they aren't interested in you) is down right bad for your mental health and blood pressure imo.

As for those dreadfully missing their now deceased parents. Well perhaps they should be grateful for the loving relationship they had when the parent was alive rather than brow beating those who don't seem to have the same feelings. When my Dad died it was like a heavy dark mantle lifting off my shoulders. He'd been an alcoholic most of his life.

"wellyou, what a nasty comment.