To not be interested in what my mum (67) has been up to all week ?

[Willowisp]

My mum runs some sort of activity week, where (IMO) she queen bees around, eats lots of cake (already fat) & refers to it as a 'holiday'. She has a great time, but I'm not interested. (miserable boot face emoticon)

She's just rung me, given me a breakdown of how they all enjoyed it/gave money/did a whip round/bought thank you presents. Great.

Then she's told me she's babysitting (for free) for her (crafty neighbour who asks her 2-3 x a week) & is cross because I've shown no interest.

When her mum was alive, she lapped up everything & rewarded her with lines of "oh aren't you good/great/super" "how wonderful" etc.

Then she proceeded to tell me what she's doing in the garden....in minute detail..

I'm in my 40's, I've got my own family - kids, pets, washing & ironing & quite frankly a "I'm back from x & had a great time" is all I need. I don't bore her with the minutia of my day(s). Nor have the self importance to embellish & boast about something she's been doing for about 8 yrs.

Yes, I am an old bag & most likely, incredibly UR, but I just had to get it off my chest before I ate all the chocolate in the house.

Willow you sound tired to me, think you've had a bit of a bashing. There is obviously more to all this.

Enjoy your wine and meal. You sound frayed. Your mum sounds par for the course as mums go.

someday your mum will die and you'll remember this thread

grow up and change your tone

OP.

You sound horrible. :(

Oh fgs FayeGovan!

YABU. I feel really sad for your mum actually.

Surely it's better that the OP vents here rather than getting angry in RL and saying something she doesn't mean/will regret to her mum?

Come on, she can't be the only one who gets pissed off with a relative occasionally... (I certainly do).

I'd give anything to talk shit to my Mum again

Even after 10 years, I suddenly see or hear something and I automatically think 'Oh I must tell Mum about that'.

OP we all get annoyed/irritated by our loved ones but sparing a few minutes a day just to listen to them talk about their day, is hardly a sacrifice.

When mine was that age she was active and told me endlessly about what she'd been up to. She's in a residential home now. I too wish I'd been more patient sometimes.

fgs nothing hmc

what I said was true

YABU but you already know that and have had the grace to admit it and say you will try to change your attitude, and for what it's worth I know how you feel as my MIL is a similar witterer and it does bloody annoy me sometimes being stuck on the phone when I have a house full of stuff needing done but I suck it up and listen until she runs out of stuff to say.

I think the people who actually have/had good, friendly relationships with their mums don't understand how some of the rest of us didn't/don't.

Being told 'be nice to your mum, you only get one' or words to that effect just winds me up personally. Just because she gave birth to me and gae me houseroom doesn't mean we ever got on (although I am grateful for the birth and houseroom).

hmc spot on about talking about friends I don't know.

TPKW Thanks for your kind words, yes, lots more behind the scenes (private psychiatrists, specialised psychology etc). I will am enjoying my wine.

And in fact the problem is, she never listened to me.

So yes, I am horribly resentful, but feeling better, despite the slating, than I did 20 mins ago.

Goodnight all.

YANBU. I have the same with my mum sometimes. Doesn't make you a bad person, just an honest, busy one.

Mind you I get the impression that the OP usually has a good(ish) relationship with her mum and today was a bad day such as we all have from time to time.

Therefore I'd cut her some slack. She has expressed some remorse for her current state of feeling, why continue to beat her up about it?

I have my own family. . Let's hope they don't treat you so dismissively in years to come, you could be in line for a nasty shock.
When does your mother stop being family?

Willowisp - hope you are not upset by some of the contributions. Some people are not good at reading between the lines. It's okay to vent about your nearest and dearest

My mum irritates me. I cant be with her for more than a couple of hours, she goes on about how I waste money on make up etc as if Im still 17. Deep down she is just worried for me, sees me as single and probably abit lonely, thinks Im wasting money when I should be saving it etc. Like I say, it only takes a couple of hours and we are at loggerheads.

When Im at my own house, two hundred miles away, she rings me every single day. Even if its just to see if I watched Deal or No Deal I didnt and she tells me about her day, about whats been happening at work, who has died etc. I can deal with the phone calls. I enjoy them because I am miles away. I will certainly miss not hearing her voice on my answer machine, when that day comes.

I wish my lovely Mum was still here to tell me about her day. Its nuts, but sometimes I ring her number just to hear it clicking through the exchange ...

it was the nastiness in the op that got me, when she talked about her mum

she"eats lots of cake (already fat)"

so you're Kate Moss op??

You're not unreasonable to be bored by someone who's self-obsessed and conversationally selfish. You're not threatening to cut her out of your life, and all these 'at least you've got a mum' comments are ridiculous in the extreme.

I couldn't love my mum more, but she's a witterer, and there are times I really wish she'd use only five hundred thousand words instead of a billion.

And you won't need to look back and remember this thread when she dies - that was a genuinely terrible thing to say to you.

A bit of selective deafness goes a long way IM personal E of long, dull and sometimes frankly unfathomable conversations with (late) DM, bless her.

Goodnight Willow. If you come back to this, I just wanted to say sometimes we all revert to the child we were around parents/siblings. Having our own children sometimes opens up issues that suddenly feel raw for us.

I do hope you find some peaceful resolution around this.