To not be interested in what my mum (67) has been up to all week ?

[Willowisp]

My mum runs some sort of activity week, where (IMO) she queen bees around, eats lots of cake (already fat) & refers to it as a 'holiday'. She has a great time, but I'm not interested. (miserable boot face emoticon)

She's just rung me, given me a breakdown of how they all enjoyed it/gave money/did a whip round/bought thank you presents. Great.

Then she's told me she's babysitting (for free) for her (crafty neighbour who asks her 2-3 x a week) & is cross because I've shown no interest.

When her mum was alive, she lapped up everything & rewarded her with lines of "oh aren't you good/great/super" "how wonderful" etc.

Then she proceeded to tell me what she's doing in the garden....in minute detail..

I'm in my 40's, I've got my own family - kids, pets, washing & ironing & quite frankly a "I'm back from x & had a great time" is all I need. I don't bore her with the minutia of my day(s). Nor have the self importance to embellish & boast about something she's been doing for about 8 yrs.

Yes, I am an old bag & most likely, incredibly UR, but I just had to get it off my chest before I ate all the chocolate in the house.

Sixty + is a number, not an excuse for whippersnappers to assume we have one foot (or more) in the grave. I know what would bore the DC, so don't bang on about it. They, on the other hand, bang on about a) nails, hair, clothes, spots etc, b) illnesses (to be fair there are MH issues and this is more of a challenge than a bore), c) car engines and the fact that his DF is always right. Parents do not have a monopoly on boredom...

My own other used to beat me and leave me on my own regulary

I only wish I had a mother whom loved me to much to vent about

"The trouble is, she loved me too much, but, well, whole other story.

I just wanted to vent. I do love her, but I'm not interested in the detail of the 'activities'."

Bad day, OP?

YABU

I lost my mum 3 years ago and would literally kill to sit for hours listening to her whittering on for hours about nothing. I think you sound rude, ungrateful and just a horrible daughter. Sorry.

I wish you'd all stop assuming that just because the OP's mum likes to phone up and talk about herself for ages, the OP presumably likes to (or is even allowed to) do the same back.

Many of us have horribly one-sided relationships with our mothers (where we just have to put up with them doing whatever the hell they want) because that's what they forced us into as kids and to break it now would be construed as being unfilial and cruel of us.

Am hiding this thread now.

Hope you feel better OP - enjoy the wine....

telling the op one day her mum will die and she'll remember this thread is me telling the op she wont have her mum forever and she must be less horrible to her whilst she still has her, whilst she has the chance

its up to her

Though parents can be annoying (I still get annoyed and I am nearing 40), the fact is life passes by so fast and before you know it your mum won't be around on the phone to bug you.

My mum died 2 years ago at the age of 67, 9 years after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's .

She couldn't speak for about her last 2 years. I'd have given anything to have heard her voice again

yabu, one day you'll give anything to hear her ramblings when she's no longer here.

Willow... I do actually understand where you're coming from. It is hard sometimes to listen to endless chat and feel resentful that you still have loads to do before you can settle down. I feel like this sometimes, much as I love my mum, she can be hard work. I know that I'd be bereft without her but that doesn't negate the fact that she drives me up the wall sometimes right now.

Can you get her started on a chatboard? Not THIS one, I hasten to add - another one, far, far away...

Sorry for all the posters who've lost their mums, it's probably the hardest loss for some. The thing is, until it happens, you can't know what it's like and the abstract doesn't really impact on your 'now' life. I think I'll go and ring my mum now though, I feel a bit bad.

This thread has made me resolve to grow old disgracefully.

I shall make every effort to call DD from a Columbian jail when I am 67.

Hopefully!

You are a horrible person and I can't believe people are back patting you and saying there there chickadee

If you had just posted about the minutiae of life, then ok, people can relate, it can be irritating but you put up with it for love and venting on here is fine.

But this line eats lots of cake (already fat) is disrespectful, vicious and would probably break her heart if she knew you had said it. I would never ever speak of another person that way, let alone my mother. Do you not think she calls you to tell you because she thinks she loves you and you love her. Im hurt inside for her that you actually care so little for her feelings :(

I am really, sincerely sorry for everyone who has lost and misses their mum.

But we dont all have good relationships with our mothers. Some of our mother's are difficult.
I love my mum, she loves me, but its been very hard over the years.

I dont think the OP sounds like a horrible person and I am not sure how helpful reminding her that her mum will die is.

People moan about their kids all the time on MN. I would dream of telling them to shut up and think themselves lucky their child was alive.

My mum talks about illness all the time. ALL the time. Every time i speak to her. This dispite me having PTSD relating to illness. Its very hard to listen to her give me a run down on her latest cold. She can talk about a cold for two weeks after she has recovered. She is 70. She is old and not in the best of health and I should be more sympathetic (I make the right noises). But I have been listening to this all of my life. I spent my childhood thinking she was going to die.

Mums can be hard work. Sounds like the OP has a difficult relationship with her mum.
But I could be wrong and just projecting - who knows, its the internet innit?

A horrible person, FFS , from one comment you've deduced this?

MrsD as usual you've just said everything I wanted too, just much more eloquently.

OP - Are you having a hard time? Just wondered as I know if things seem difficult sometimes stuff that others think looks like nothing can really get to you. Feel free to pm me if you want to.

Yes from that comment, like I said the relationship may be difficult, you aren't expected to be joyful at every word uttered from dear old mums mouth but to use words like that about someone is horrible, a nice person who has empathy wouldn't use them.

And yes its absolutely the same as moaning about your Dcs, im sure that someone coming on here saying "oh had bad day with DS today he keeps whining and eating (he's a fatty) or whining and crying (the big sissy) wouldnt get ten bells of verbal shit kicked out of them instantly?

I don't agree reminding her her mother will die is helpful however.

You however sound lovely Softly . Do you skip around gaily in RL telling people they are "horrible" when you don't agree with them?

softly - its one post. We haven't a clue who the OP really is or what is going on in her life. Yes she might be horrible in real life, or there might be very good reasons she has posted this that we don't know

There must be a significant backstory to this - the OP is in her forties, a stage where most of us have experienced a little of the role-reversal that aging parents brings. I think generally there is a level of compassion and tolerance among most people as their parents age.

OP, you sound like you positively dislike your mum. Are you now at a stage with your own children where your own childhood seems to be markedly different when you look back?

People should read this when they want a DD to be 'their best friend'- evidence that it doesn't always work!