AIBU and very unwomanly to be freaked out by pregnancy and birth and to not really want or yearn for a baby?

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Sort of wished I had never discovered mumsnet! There is so much about pregnancy and birth I didn't know about, bleeding, leaking boobs, horrors of childbirth, effects on body, pnd, loss of figure/independence etc.

I know not all these things happen to everyone but the thought of all of these things really frighten me.

I'm at the stage, 32, where I really need to get on with the baby thing but I'm really searching for my longing for a baby but I can't find it.

I've posted about this before but I really give myself a hard time about what's wrong with me for not longing for a baby. Why don't I long for a baby?

Do people think the fact that dh and I have been married for 10 years and are just content with being 2 is the problem?

I don't want to be alone when I'm old, but I don't yearn to have a baby, but then I feel like there must be something wrong with me.

Sorry to be so self indulgent!

Funnily enough, when I was 13 I told my mother I wanted 7 kids. I never had any!

And I do sometimes wonder if some of my parents lack of patience and energy with me was because they were teachers- they just didn't seem to want to bother once they got home. I do a similar job now- and can totally understand. As a bit of an introvert, when I get home I don't really want to talk to anyone.

vince - that's what c-sections are for. no need to fear dying in childbirth in this day and age. i've done it both ways and i'd recommend a section to anyone but particularly anyone with a deep fear of childbirth.