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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/05/2012 08:27

gross.... my mother managed to raise me without me ever seeing her on the toilet...

valiumredhead · 03/05/2012 08:29

Well she'll be doing exactly the same in the future you YANBU...

Debsbear · 03/05/2012 08:30

I'm not sure about being unreasable, but it's not something I would ever do. I wouldn't allow my husband in the bathroom when I was using the toilet and certainly not my kids, but that's MY choice.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 03/05/2012 08:30

Sometimes it can't be helped. I've had to do it before as if your in a public toilet they obviously at that age have to come in with you. I do tell my dd to face the door and she does but at that age she would always turn round to talk to me. Yanbu I'd certainly not want a 2/3 yr old waiting outside in a busy public area. If she's really curious maybe a book from library a childrens one might help. :)

Feminine · 03/05/2012 08:31

I sometimes have to take my DD3 , I always turn away.

If she saw something by mistake , I'd explain in 'child friendly' terms.

Its not something to be ashamed of, nor hide when they are so small.

YANBU.... sometimes life is grey. :)

valiumredhead · 03/05/2012 08:31

Just say "It's a mummy thing" and leave it at that, no need to try and explain to a 2 year old.

diddl · 03/05/2012 08:34

YANBU-why shouldn´t you be doing it?

Can´t see a problem at all.

I can´t remember what I told my daughter at that age, though.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 03/05/2012 08:35

We're not shy about these things in my family. I had to take my DD (nearly four) to the toilet with me since she was mobile, and she sees these things as a matter of course. I have to squeeze her knees to help her poo, and she'll do mine too (which I'd prefer she didn't, but she's convinced it helps me).

Obviously when they are older I hope to get the toilet privately, but if they have questions about periods and tampons, I would answer them. DS is very interested in biology and would find it fascinating, DD will need to go through it eventually herself and it'll be a lot less scary for her if she knows I go through it too and bleeding is normal.

surroundedbyblondes · 03/05/2012 08:35

YANBU. I have a 3 yo and a 1 yo and am a SAHM. I have to accept that they will see me on the loo and I don't really have a problem with it. However, my DD is also asking what I'm doing and I'm stuck for an age-appropriate response.

margerykemp · 03/05/2012 08:36

I don't see anything wrong with saying the word period in front of a child of any age. My DD sees the blood sometimes and thinks I've cut myself so I reassure her I'm fine and the tampon (mooncup these days) is just to stop it going on my pants. She is fine with that.

MrsLettuce · 03/05/2012 08:36

I do when they follow me into the loo and wont clear off, had no idea it was controversial. Hmm

"what you doing mama?"

"changing my tampon, I've got my period"

"period?"

"all grown up ladies have them so we can make babies when we want to, but we'll have a chat about that another time"

"where's my dinosaur? / can I have a snack? / hurry up I need a poooooo!"

minouminou · 03/05/2012 08:41

No probs at all! Think about how to explain it and then wait until she next asks.
I think Mrs Lettuce has got it covered.

BiscuitNibbler · 03/05/2012 08:42

My mum still can't mention the actual word "period" in front of me at age 40, so I am bringing up my daughter not to be so silly about a basic bodily function. At three she knows that grown up women have periods and it doesn't hurt.

I am astonished that people hide things like this from their DC - make them turn and face away while you are on the loo? Are you mad?

DogEared · 03/05/2012 08:45

YANBU. Although I do wish when we were in a public toilets with a long queue of people listening, DS hadn't seen my sanitary towel and said "Oh Mam! You've pooed in your knickers again!" Hmm

Rosebud05 · 03/05/2012 08:47

I'm somewhat jealous of people who even have the option of going to the toilet without their children Grin.

I do try to slip upstairs by myself when at home but when we're out and have all been squeezed in a disabled toilet, then it's pretty unavoidable imhe.

Ds wanted to use my Mooncup as a hat for one of his teddies, which I did draw the line at.

My main concern with dd is that she would start sticking things into herself, though she seems okay about the idea that periods will happen to her when she's older.

minouminou · 03/05/2012 08:47

Ha ha, Dogeared. DS said something similar to me....we were at home, though! He was under three, so I think he's forgotten now!

SleepyFergus · 03/05/2012 08:48

Agreed, I don't have an issue with it.

Would prefer not to have an audience but it can't always be helped and I'm sure it's just a temporary thing and my DD won't be as interested in coming into the loos with me after a certain age.

plantsitter · 03/05/2012 08:49

YANBU at all! It's a perfectly normal thing and your DD will be having periods herself at some point.

DD1 (3) thinks a sanitary towel is a nappy for ladies - her own explanation - and I think that'll do for now. I'll explain when I think she'll understand.

My mum was very secretive and still 'mouths' the word period and I grew up terrified about getting mine. I'm determined my DDs will feel normal about it!

bamboobutton · 03/05/2012 08:49

my 4yo still barges into the bathroom, can't lock the door as he will just hang off the handle shrieking which tenses me up so i can't get my mooncup in.
2yo dd will squat down to get a better viewHmmGrin

i give the same kind of response as mrslettuce.

never thought anything wrong with it and i din't want either of them growing up to be shocked and horrified at what goes on with the female body.

DressDownFriday · 03/05/2012 08:51

I personally wouldn't do this.

At that age dd was aware of me using such items and I did give a simplified explanation but sometimes I like a bit of privacy on the toilet. 2 minutes peace isn't alot to ask for (mind you , she still sat directly outside the door yacking on).

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 08:52

same kind of response as mrslettuce, although the kids call it 'bloods' rather than period. the only thing they care about is whether it hurts or not.
am knocked-out that people are still reluctant to talk to their kids about this stuff... particularly daughters.

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 03/05/2012 08:53

DD (2,5) insists on coming with me when I go to the loo, so while I have managed to avoid this situation so far, I know it's going to happen at some point.

I don't think it's too big an issue at this age

MysteriousHamster · 03/05/2012 08:55

There's nothing wrong with little kids seeing their mums on the loo, it's unavoidable if you have a clingy one and/or you don't want to leave them downstairs on their own. I'm sure most people would prefer to change sanitary wear on their own, but it's not always that easy...

Chandon · 03/05/2012 08:57

I stopped doing this when my DC were about 3

Softlysoftly · 03/05/2012 08:59

Making them turn away is weird!

I never get private bathroom time in fact on a recent family outing my niece (4) wanted the loo and so did I, ended up trailing 3 nieces (4, 4 and 7) and my dd along (2) like a blimmin family outing as no one wanted to be left out! Thankfully nephew (6) was less interested.

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